Posts
Here are five questions to ascertain if you are happily employed:
1. Does the job allow you to work with individuals who share your sensibilities in life or do you have to put on a persona to get through the day?
2. Does the job leave your brain in neutral?
3. Does the job open the door to future jobs?
4. Does the job represent a huge compromise for the sake of your family, and if so, do you accept that deal with all its consequences?
5. Does the job - the stuff you do day-to-day - touch your heart and feed your soul in meaningful ways?
The sixth is moot:
6. Do you have a job?
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Anything but Chelsea
I hereby pledge to sell Drogba by this week, and to boycott Chelsea whenever possible, with the possible exception of del Horno. He's new so he's not really polluted yet. Hate their guts so much I adore Arsenal and Liverpool in comparison. At least Arsenal are good to watch and Liverpool are entertaining to watch too, though in the B-grade kinda way.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Equations
Does a FedEx and UPS merger mean the formation of FedUP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
If Poland citizens are Poles, are Holland citizens Holes?
If infants have to go through infancy to grow up, do adults have to through adultery to grow up?
Why is your broker one letter away from broke?
If something horrific is horrible, is something terrific terrible?
Why is it a building if it's already built?
If you spin an Oriental person around, does he become disoriented?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
If Poland citizens are Poles, are Holland citizens Holes?
If infants have to go through infancy to grow up, do adults have to through adultery to grow up?
Why is your broker one letter away from broke?
If something horrific is horrible, is something terrific terrible?
Why is it a building if it's already built?
If you spin an Oriental person around, does he become disoriented?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Christian Witness
CHALLENGE
1. World's Christian misconception
2. Christians' worldly indifference
SOLUTION
1. Partner with Church (1 Cor 3:6-9) -
Me: Invest & Invite
Church: Intrigue & Introduce
2. Partner with Holy Spirit (Act 1:8; Rom 5:5; 2 Tim 1:7-8)
1. World's Christian misconception
2. Christians' worldly indifference
SOLUTION
1. Partner with Church (1 Cor 3:6-9) -
Me: Invest & Invite
Church: Intrigue & Introduce
2. Partner with Holy Spirit (Act 1:8; Rom 5:5; 2 Tim 1:7-8)
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Girl Poem
Just to balance the sexist nature of the last post. =]
I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
admitting I'm lost.
I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies,
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay,
to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just cos I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.
Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest????
I don't have a problem,
With expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.
I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
admitting I'm lost.
I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies,
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay,
to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just cos I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.
Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest????
I don't have a problem,
With expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.
Rules from Men!
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Sabrina dan Hafiz
Managed to meet Sabrina, go for checkup, play pool with Hafiz and sell my cue for S$80, all in this Friday. That's what I call effective leave. Really really enjoyed myself. See "Pool god".
Medical Checkup
Just passed my MOE Medical Checkup at Raffles Hospital. Now waiting for letter. A little nervous.
Liverpool vs United
Sunday's the biggie. I'm off to Edgar's place for the 7pm kickoff. I have bought NO Liverpool or United players. Now I can rest easy. No Forlan or Dudek though.
Pool god
Played Hafiz at pool today and won 11-2. On fire man. So hot it burnt a hole in my pocket. :p
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Villarreal vs United
What a waste of time!
Woke up at 0230hrs to catch this bore of a match, and rewarded with mroe petulance from Rooney.
A draw in the end was the fairest result, with a top save from each keeper, and both sides either hitting the woodwork or being thwarted by a goalline clearance. Both were missing their midfield talismans in Juan Roman Riquelme and his slightly faster counterpart Roy Keane.
All this was overshadowed by Wayne Rooney.
If you're childish and you know it, clap your hands...
Woke up at 0230hrs to catch this bore of a match, and rewarded with mroe petulance from Rooney.
A draw in the end was the fairest result, with a top save from each keeper, and both sides either hitting the woodwork or being thwarted by a goalline clearance. Both were missing their midfield talismans in Juan Roman Riquelme and his slightly faster counterpart Roy Keane.
All this was overshadowed by Wayne Rooney.
If you're childish and you know it, clap your hands...
Be With Me
The theatre was silent: a kind of reverent awe that causes an audience to hold its collective breath, as if standing up to leave would somehow ruin the poignancy of the moment.
There were tears, sure, and also a few lecherous comments about the lesbian kissing scene, but there was the feeling we had witnessed something a little bit special.
Be With Me moved many a festival-hardened critic at Cannes, and it did the same with this particular group of movie-goers fed on Hollywood jumbo fare, upsize please. Somehow I feel this was not unique.
For all of Jack Neo's commercial success, rarely has his hawker fare transcended the Causeway. This is not because of overzealous customs officers but due rather to the non-exportability of his films to Europe and beyond. This is where Eric Khoo stands out.
Far be it from me to label his style art house, but Khoo stands out simply because he understands he audience does not need to be spoon-fed. Weaving three loosely-connected strands around the spool of Theresa Chan's life, Be With Me is a wonderful caricature of love, set in Singapore. Not the other way round, by showcasing Singapore as others are loathe to do.
In a delightful collage of Singapore life, Khoo tells the story clearly and without pretence, while richly immersing even the casual viewer in a collage of faceted distillations. There is no need for a big name to sell the story, as this movie is a labour of love, eager to give but not to receive. In a world of the bottom-line, it is refreshing to see a filmmaker not obsessed with how much his movie will make, or to quantify his success by associating it with simple saleability.
Sure, Ezann Lee and Samantha Tan do add eye candy to the already potent broth, but the truth is this is a totally believable story, with not so much stereotypes, but distillations of Singaporean wants and needs.
Suitably for a film inspired by the deaf and blind Theresa Chan, the movie has a lowered hearing threshold and minimal dialogue, perhaps to reflect this brave woman world. Her thoughts and her story come to you in subtitles. Theresa's acting is so natural; it is almost as if she wasn't acting at all, like she did not even know the camera was there. This is her story, and she's telling it her way.
Eric Khoo is a loving director. He treats the story with the utmost care and priority, sometimes to the chagrin of his producers. With his track record though, Khoo has moved on from the Singapore Film Festival to Cannes, and now back to the Singapore big screen. How ironic that it takes foreign film festivals to validate his obvious story-telling talent.
You notice Seet Keng Yew almost immediately. I've seen this guy somewhere, you think. The truth is that he's seen you. He's your not-so-dependable security guard, voyeuristically monitoring your condominium’s security cameras. I think he's got the best job in the movie: a few lines of dialogue here and there, but eating and sleeping in between. His first line of dialogue was to order an oyster omelette. He draws immediate comparisons with Lim Kay Tong's Harry Lee in Perth: he's relieved from his security job, he wants to beat someone up to correct an injustice but finds he cannot, he is overly taken with a pretty woman he meets in the course of work, he dies from a head wound etc. Perhaps he wants to eat everything in beeeeeautiful Perth too.
His object of desire is played by the delectable Lynn Poh, probably the biggest acting name in the movie, and she isn't even a speaking character. She's not the only delectable one though. What Michelle Goh was in Mee Pok Man, many say Samantha Tan is for Be With Me. How do we know? Look how Khoo is terminally infected with the Loving Lens Syndrome. We see it in Lost in Translation, Japanese flop Option, and now here in Be With Me. Samantha is stretches languorously in bed, checks her SMS in a loose pasar malam Rip Curl spaghetti top, is nuzzled by sometime boyfriend Brian, dances uninhibitedly in a club, blah blah blah. She looks barely legal! But oh yeah, Eric Khoo is smitten.
Likewise, he is smitten with Singapore food. Even if you're blind and deaf, there's so much food in the movie you can even smell it. I mean it's EVERYWHERE. Samantha and Brian eat gelato, the father works in a provision shop and cooks home-cooked meals for a hobby (two portions, since to him his dead wife still eats), Seet Keng Yew eats and eats (noodles, chicken chop, oyster omelette, and stewed pork with bead for a nightcap), and every chef's dream food critic Theresa Chan who says everything's delicious (no comments on presentation though).
Everyone wins in this movie: Seet's character dies and doesn't have to look for a new job. His family has one less to worry about. Samantha can live happily with Brian. Ezann can perhaps start life anew. The father finally puts his wife's death behind him. His wife's spirit rests in peace. Theresa has her story told. The provision shop is open. Marlboro man can buy his cigarettes. The son has a fulfilling job. Eric Khoo has another resounding success. Did I miss anyone out?
Oh yes, the only loser in this movie has to be Siemens. Their unfriendly SMSing function and low-definition screen was highlighted. Their shock-proof phones can't survive six-storey falls (the Nokia 3210 can), and they have damn irritating SMS ring tones.
Thank God no one's Siemens phone barked during that silent, poignant theatre moment.
There were tears, sure, and also a few lecherous comments about the lesbian kissing scene, but there was the feeling we had witnessed something a little bit special.
Be With Me moved many a festival-hardened critic at Cannes, and it did the same with this particular group of movie-goers fed on Hollywood jumbo fare, upsize please. Somehow I feel this was not unique.
For all of Jack Neo's commercial success, rarely has his hawker fare transcended the Causeway. This is not because of overzealous customs officers but due rather to the non-exportability of his films to Europe and beyond. This is where Eric Khoo stands out.
Far be it from me to label his style art house, but Khoo stands out simply because he understands he audience does not need to be spoon-fed. Weaving three loosely-connected strands around the spool of Theresa Chan's life, Be With Me is a wonderful caricature of love, set in Singapore. Not the other way round, by showcasing Singapore as others are loathe to do.
In a delightful collage of Singapore life, Khoo tells the story clearly and without pretence, while richly immersing even the casual viewer in a collage of faceted distillations. There is no need for a big name to sell the story, as this movie is a labour of love, eager to give but not to receive. In a world of the bottom-line, it is refreshing to see a filmmaker not obsessed with how much his movie will make, or to quantify his success by associating it with simple saleability.
Sure, Ezann Lee and Samantha Tan do add eye candy to the already potent broth, but the truth is this is a totally believable story, with not so much stereotypes, but distillations of Singaporean wants and needs.
Suitably for a film inspired by the deaf and blind Theresa Chan, the movie has a lowered hearing threshold and minimal dialogue, perhaps to reflect this brave woman world. Her thoughts and her story come to you in subtitles. Theresa's acting is so natural; it is almost as if she wasn't acting at all, like she did not even know the camera was there. This is her story, and she's telling it her way.
Eric Khoo is a loving director. He treats the story with the utmost care and priority, sometimes to the chagrin of his producers. With his track record though, Khoo has moved on from the Singapore Film Festival to Cannes, and now back to the Singapore big screen. How ironic that it takes foreign film festivals to validate his obvious story-telling talent.
You notice Seet Keng Yew almost immediately. I've seen this guy somewhere, you think. The truth is that he's seen you. He's your not-so-dependable security guard, voyeuristically monitoring your condominium’s security cameras. I think he's got the best job in the movie: a few lines of dialogue here and there, but eating and sleeping in between. His first line of dialogue was to order an oyster omelette. He draws immediate comparisons with Lim Kay Tong's Harry Lee in Perth: he's relieved from his security job, he wants to beat someone up to correct an injustice but finds he cannot, he is overly taken with a pretty woman he meets in the course of work, he dies from a head wound etc. Perhaps he wants to eat everything in beeeeeautiful Perth too.
His object of desire is played by the delectable Lynn Poh, probably the biggest acting name in the movie, and she isn't even a speaking character. She's not the only delectable one though. What Michelle Goh was in Mee Pok Man, many say Samantha Tan is for Be With Me. How do we know? Look how Khoo is terminally infected with the Loving Lens Syndrome. We see it in Lost in Translation, Japanese flop Option, and now here in Be With Me. Samantha is stretches languorously in bed, checks her SMS in a loose pasar malam Rip Curl spaghetti top, is nuzzled by sometime boyfriend Brian, dances uninhibitedly in a club, blah blah blah. She looks barely legal! But oh yeah, Eric Khoo is smitten.
Likewise, he is smitten with Singapore food. Even if you're blind and deaf, there's so much food in the movie you can even smell it. I mean it's EVERYWHERE. Samantha and Brian eat gelato, the father works in a provision shop and cooks home-cooked meals for a hobby (two portions, since to him his dead wife still eats), Seet Keng Yew eats and eats (noodles, chicken chop, oyster omelette, and stewed pork with bead for a nightcap), and every chef's dream food critic Theresa Chan who says everything's delicious (no comments on presentation though).
Everyone wins in this movie: Seet's character dies and doesn't have to look for a new job. His family has one less to worry about. Samantha can live happily with Brian. Ezann can perhaps start life anew. The father finally puts his wife's death behind him. His wife's spirit rests in peace. Theresa has her story told. The provision shop is open. Marlboro man can buy his cigarettes. The son has a fulfilling job. Eric Khoo has another resounding success. Did I miss anyone out?
Oh yes, the only loser in this movie has to be Siemens. Their unfriendly SMSing function and low-definition screen was highlighted. Their shock-proof phones can't survive six-storey falls (the Nokia 3210 can), and they have damn irritating SMS ring tones.
Thank God no one's Siemens phone barked during that silent, poignant theatre moment.
Week 5 review: Fantasy Football
Well done all!
Week 5 has just passed.
Aaron (539 pts) retains 1st place but his lead is diminishing.
The gap is now only 67 pts as Chongkiat (472 pts) consolidates 2nd place with the second-highest Week 5 score, thanks to an inspired Reyes and Jarosik showing.
Benedict (408.5 pts) snatches 3rd place with the third-highest Week 5 score, just ahead of incumbent Hingyau (405.5 pts).
Edgar (369 pts) returns the highest Week 5 score of 109.5 pts to pull away from Amos (347 pts) in 6th place and put the pressure on Hingyau. His keys to success? Bent, Barton, Gerrard, Baros and Carragher.
Jasmine (287.5 pts) moves up another place to 11th, thanks to her fourth-highest weekly score and copying my team. She's still the highest Week 2 starter.
At the other end, Zikai proves his team is lame in name and character with a measly 24-pt tally, the worst this week.
See you next week!
Week 5 has just passed.
Aaron (539 pts) retains 1st place but his lead is diminishing.
The gap is now only 67 pts as Chongkiat (472 pts) consolidates 2nd place with the second-highest Week 5 score, thanks to an inspired Reyes and Jarosik showing.
Benedict (408.5 pts) snatches 3rd place with the third-highest Week 5 score, just ahead of incumbent Hingyau (405.5 pts).
Edgar (369 pts) returns the highest Week 5 score of 109.5 pts to pull away from Amos (347 pts) in 6th place and put the pressure on Hingyau. His keys to success? Bent, Barton, Gerrard, Baros and Carragher.
Jasmine (287.5 pts) moves up another place to 11th, thanks to her fourth-highest weekly score and copying my team. She's still the highest Week 2 starter.
At the other end, Zikai proves his team is lame in name and character with a measly 24-pt tally, the worst this week.
See you next week!
Personal Anagrams
Aaron Wong: Gnaw on oar
CPL Aaron Wong: Paragon clown; or pagan clown
Wong Chin Wei Aaron: Hi! An Norwegian cow!; Oh Ian! Crowning Awe!;
Jasmine Tang: Jane nags Tim
Jasmine Tang Yuen Har: Athens: Gem in January; Januaries' hymn agent
Nelly Tan Chik Neo: Think cleanly one.
Sharon Wong: Rash on Wong
Angela Tang: An agent lag
Amos Pang: Moan gasp
Keh Chienyung: Hygiene chunk
Edgar Chong: God changer
Sabrina Yazid: Nazi bay raids
Anthea Qiu: Antique ah?
Hafiz Rahman Nordin: Hi Nan, inform hazard
Theophilus Chan Zikai: Huh? Koala citizenship?
Theophane Chan: Phone cheat? Nah.
Agape Community Church: Am occupying much earth; Inaccuracy? Ugh. Mop them.
Moses Sia: Is MOE ass
Pastor Lawrence Koo: RE: Workspace to loan
COL Lam Shiu Tong: Hot lao muscling
Sally Lip: Plays ill
CPL Teo Weepoh: We clothe Pope
SGT Benjamin Chew: Jews bang, men itch
Christian: Rich saint
Atheist: Eat shit
Attorney: No treaty
Teacher: Cheater
President: Is pretend; spider net
Singapore: Prison age; senior gap
Bangladeshi: As lag behind
Indian worker: Worked in rain
Recruit: Curt ire
Lance-Corporal: Clean corporal; Aaron crop cell
Third Sergeant: Shattering red; straighter end; shattered grin
Second Sergeant: Teenaged scorns; No sect's grenades
First Sergeant: Grit fasteners; Fingers taster; Fitness grater
Staff Sergeant: Reg fat fatness
Master Sergeant: Garment's eaters; Are segment's rats; Manager's tester; A tart messenger
Second Warrant Officer: Afterwards confer icon; Fin: No soccer afterward; Finance cost forwarder
First Warrant Officer: Warrants forcer if fit; Warrants terrific off
Master Warrant Officer: Craft warranties for me!
Senior Warrant Officer: Forewarns are friction
Second Lieutenant: Unselected nation
Lieutenant: Until eaten
Captain: At panic; Act pain
Lieutenant-Colonel: No intellectual one; Let one lone lunatic
Brigadier-General: Badgering earlier
Major-General: Nearer logjam; Major gleaner; Major enlarge; RE: Lame jargon
Lieutenant-General: Let Lenin guarantee; Lean eagle nutrient
CPL Aaron Wong: Paragon clown; or pagan clown
Wong Chin Wei Aaron: Hi! An Norwegian cow!; Oh Ian! Crowning Awe!;
Jasmine Tang: Jane nags Tim
Jasmine Tang Yuen Har: Athens: Gem in January; Januaries' hymn agent
Nelly Tan Chik Neo: Think cleanly one.
Sharon Wong: Rash on Wong
Angela Tang: An agent lag
Amos Pang: Moan gasp
Keh Chienyung: Hygiene chunk
Edgar Chong: God changer
Sabrina Yazid: Nazi bay raids
Anthea Qiu: Antique ah?
Hafiz Rahman Nordin: Hi Nan, inform hazard
Theophilus Chan Zikai: Huh? Koala citizenship?
Theophane Chan: Phone cheat? Nah.
Agape Community Church: Am occupying much earth; Inaccuracy? Ugh. Mop them.
Moses Sia: Is MOE ass
Pastor Lawrence Koo: RE: Workspace to loan
COL Lam Shiu Tong: Hot lao muscling
Sally Lip: Plays ill
CPL Teo Weepoh: We clothe Pope
SGT Benjamin Chew: Jews bang, men itch
Christian: Rich saint
Atheist: Eat shit
Attorney: No treaty
Teacher: Cheater
President: Is pretend; spider net
Singapore: Prison age; senior gap
Bangladeshi: As lag behind
Indian worker: Worked in rain
Recruit: Curt ire
Lance-Corporal: Clean corporal; Aaron crop cell
Third Sergeant: Shattering red; straighter end; shattered grin
Second Sergeant: Teenaged scorns; No sect's grenades
First Sergeant: Grit fasteners; Fingers taster; Fitness grater
Staff Sergeant: Reg fat fatness
Master Sergeant: Garment's eaters; Are segment's rats; Manager's tester; A tart messenger
Second Warrant Officer: Afterwards confer icon; Fin: No soccer afterward; Finance cost forwarder
First Warrant Officer: Warrants forcer if fit; Warrants terrific off
Master Warrant Officer: Craft warranties for me!
Senior Warrant Officer: Forewarns are friction
Second Lieutenant: Unselected nation
Lieutenant: Until eaten
Captain: At panic; Act pain
Lieutenant-Colonel: No intellectual one; Let one lone lunatic
Brigadier-General: Badgering earlier
Major-General: Nearer logjam; Major gleaner; Major enlarge; RE: Lame jargon
Lieutenant-General: Let Lenin guarantee; Lean eagle nutrient
Football Anagrams
Manchester United: It's them endurance; Manicured the nets; Authentic red's men
Arsenal FC: Franc sale
Chelsea FC: Self-cache
Liverpool FC: Poll for vice
Ruud van Nistelrooy: Nervously around it; Involuntary soured
Wayne Rooney: Wee! Annoy Roy!; No wary eye on
Cristiano Ronaldo: No oral indicators; Snail coordinator; No sardonic tailor; Not railroads icon
Jose Mourinho: Rejoin us, homo!
Arsene Wenger: Enrage renews
Eric Cantona: Cocaine rant; Eric on an act; Nice! An actor!
Patrick Vieira: Riveira? Pack it!
Dennis Bergkamp: Sparking bend 'em!
Zinedine Zidane: Die, Nazi denizen!
Roberto Carlos: Al robot scorer
Alan Shearer: Nasal hearer; Hear Arsenal
Michael Owen: Ah! Welcome in!
Daivd Beckham: Ham dived back
Graeme Souness: Generous seams; Me generous ass!; Go see surnames; Sesame surgeon; Amuses Negroes; Same nurses' ego; Mass gore ensue
Darren Bent: Rented barn
Milan Baros: Is abnormal
Didier Drogba: Odd brigadier; Dodge air bird; Odd air bridge; Rigid roadbed
Laurent Robert: Returnable rot; Errant trouble; Returner to lab; Born turtle era
Damien Duff: Dead muffin; Dim, deaf fun; Dud fame: Fin.
Asier del Horno: Shoreline road; Healers in odor; Ladies' honorer; No isle hoarder; No Shearer idol
Nigel Reo-Coker: Corking eel roe; Generic looker
Edwin van der Sar: Invaders warned; Iran dwarves' den
English Premiership: Perishing, help 'em Sir!
Serie A: Easier
Italian Serie A: It is alien area
Primera Liga: Grim pile area
Bundesliga: Bungle aids
Arsenal FC: Franc sale
Chelsea FC: Self-cache
Liverpool FC: Poll for vice
Ruud van Nistelrooy: Nervously around it; Involuntary soured
Wayne Rooney: Wee! Annoy Roy!; No wary eye on
Cristiano Ronaldo: No oral indicators; Snail coordinator; No sardonic tailor; Not railroads icon
Jose Mourinho: Rejoin us, homo!
Arsene Wenger: Enrage renews
Eric Cantona: Cocaine rant; Eric on an act; Nice! An actor!
Patrick Vieira: Riveira? Pack it!
Dennis Bergkamp: Sparking bend 'em!
Zinedine Zidane: Die, Nazi denizen!
Roberto Carlos: Al robot scorer
Alan Shearer: Nasal hearer; Hear Arsenal
Michael Owen: Ah! Welcome in!
Daivd Beckham: Ham dived back
Graeme Souness: Generous seams; Me generous ass!; Go see surnames; Sesame surgeon; Amuses Negroes; Same nurses' ego; Mass gore ensue
Darren Bent: Rented barn
Milan Baros: Is abnormal
Didier Drogba: Odd brigadier; Dodge air bird; Odd air bridge; Rigid roadbed
Laurent Robert: Returnable rot; Errant trouble; Returner to lab; Born turtle era
Damien Duff: Dead muffin; Dim, deaf fun; Dud fame: Fin.
Asier del Horno: Shoreline road; Healers in odor; Ladies' honorer; No isle hoarder; No Shearer idol
Nigel Reo-Coker: Corking eel roe; Generic looker
Edwin van der Sar: Invaders warned; Iran dwarves' den
English Premiership: Perishing, help 'em Sir!
Serie A: Easier
Italian Serie A: It is alien area
Primera Liga: Grim pile area
Bundesliga: Bungle aids
Faith lessons on the death and resurrection of Jesus the Messiah
vander Laan, R. (1996). Volume four: Faith lessons on the death and resurrection of Jesus the Messiah: Study guide. Colorado Springs, CO: Focus on the Family.
Midweek Service and ALG material
Midweek Service and ALG material
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Quotable Quotes
Judge me all you want, but keep the verdict to yourself.
Happiness is felt by making other people happy.
You have ONE advantage over me.....you can kiss my ass and I can't!
Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door.
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!" - Homer J. Simpson
Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.
Never hire a colorblind electrician.
Reality is an illusion created by lack of alcohol.
Sinning wouldn't be so popular if it's wages were paid immediately.
Its ok to kiss a fool, its ok to let a fool kiss you, but never let a kiss fool you!
Only after the last tree has been cut down, only after the last river has been poisoned, only after the last fish has been caught, only then will you realize that money cannot be eaten.
I can resist anything but temptation.
If the first grape you eat is bitter then you will not bother eating grapes again. If the first grape you eat is a sweet one then you will be willing to eat a lot of bitter grapes in search of another sweet one.
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." - Bilbo Baggins (The Fellowship of the Ring: J.R.R. Tolkien)
"All who wander are not lost." - J.R.R. Tolkien
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on. - Thomas Jefferson
Happiness is felt by making other people happy.
You have ONE advantage over me.....you can kiss my ass and I can't!
Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door.
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!" - Homer J. Simpson
Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.
Never hire a colorblind electrician.
Reality is an illusion created by lack of alcohol.
Sinning wouldn't be so popular if it's wages were paid immediately.
Its ok to kiss a fool, its ok to let a fool kiss you, but never let a kiss fool you!
Only after the last tree has been cut down, only after the last river has been poisoned, only after the last fish has been caught, only then will you realize that money cannot be eaten.
I can resist anything but temptation.
If the first grape you eat is bitter then you will not bother eating grapes again. If the first grape you eat is a sweet one then you will be willing to eat a lot of bitter grapes in search of another sweet one.
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." - Bilbo Baggins (The Fellowship of the Ring: J.R.R. Tolkien)
"All who wander are not lost." - J.R.R. Tolkien
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on. - Thomas Jefferson
Answer the Phone
Roses are red, some willows weep, please leave your message, after the beep.
Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished.
Like Barney (the purple dinosaur):
I'll call you, cause you called me. We're the ______ family. So leave your
name and number at the tone. Sorry that we're not at home.
Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? you
guessed it. Guess what's next? You guessed it... *beep*
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you
The roses have wilted, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head
The roses stink, sorta like sheep
But leave your name, number, and message after the beep
The roses are molding, the violets are rotten
And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten
We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out!
You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone"
Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
Roses are red, boogers are green, please leave your message on this stupid machine.
As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an answering machine... You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine... You hear a beep...
Hi, we aren't in at the moment, if you are trying to sell us something please start speaking now and hang up at the beep, everyone else start speaking at the beep and hang up when you've finished.
Like Barney (the purple dinosaur):
I'll call you, cause you called me. We're the ______ family. So leave your
name and number at the tone. Sorry that we're not at home.
Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? you
guessed it. Guess what's next? You guessed it... *beep*
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you
The roses have wilted, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head
The roses stink, sorta like sheep
But leave your name, number, and message after the beep
The roses are molding, the violets are rotten
And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten
We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out!
You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone"
Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
Roses are red, boogers are green, please leave your message on this stupid machine.
As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an answering machine... You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine... You hear a beep...
Famous Last Words
One time at band camp.
Nice doggy.
Na, I don't think we need to go to the hospital.
"It's a dud! It's a dud! It's a du...".
So, you're a cannibal.
Pull the pin and count to what?
Nice doggy.
Na, I don't think we need to go to the hospital.
"It's a dud! It's a dud! It's a du...".
So, you're a cannibal.
Pull the pin and count to what?
Taglines
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
isn't looking good either.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those you want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened!
Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
isn't looking good either.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those you want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened!
Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Pickup Lines
Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!
Hey baby, you've got something on your butt: my eyes.
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
I must be in heaven because I'm standing next to you!
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
You must be from out of space cause I can see the stars in your eyes.
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say...
"I'm not really this tall....I'm sitting on my wallet."
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor...so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!
Is there an airport nearby or is that my heart taking off?
Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] ... I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
Pick up a pack of sugar that actually says, "sugar" on it and say, "You dropped your nametag!".
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.
Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!
Hey baby, you've got something on your butt: my eyes.
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
I must be in heaven because I'm standing next to you!
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
You must be from out of space cause I can see the stars in your eyes.
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say...
"I'm not really this tall....I'm sitting on my wallet."
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor...so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!
Is there an airport nearby or is that my heart taking off?
Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] ... I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
Pick up a pack of sugar that actually says, "sugar" on it and say, "You dropped your nametag!".
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.
Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.
Bumper Stickers
Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Don't drink and drive: you might spill your beer.
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON.
WARNING: in case of rapture, this car will be driverless.
We didn’t lose... we just ran out of time.
When you pee in a toilet, you wipe the seat; when you pee in the woods, you wipe your feet!
I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down.
"When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't no how to spell Ernonimus" - Unknown
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose.
If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie!
Suburbia - where they cut down trees and name streets after them
Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her ass.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Don't drink and drive: you might spill your beer.
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON.
WARNING: in case of rapture, this car will be driverless.
We didn’t lose... we just ran out of time.
When you pee in a toilet, you wipe the seat; when you pee in the woods, you wipe your feet!
I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down.
"When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't no how to spell Ernonimus" - Unknown
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose.
If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie!
Suburbia - where they cut down trees and name streets after them
Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her ass.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS
Lost in Translation
Acapulco hotel sign: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
Finnish washroom faucet: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
Germany's Black forest sign: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
Finnish washroom faucet: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
Germany's Black forest sign: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
It's a sign!
A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands.
At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
Church sign: To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted.
In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
In a Podiatrist's window: Time wounds all heels.
In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
In a toilet: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)
On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard — bell out of order.)
On an United Airlines emergency exit row instruction card: If you cannot read this card...
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy
Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques.
Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.
Outside a farm: Horse manure, pre-packed bags, $10. Or, do-it-yourself, $1.
Outside a photographer’s studio: Out to lunch; if not back by five, out for dinner.
At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
Church sign: To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted.
In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
In a Podiatrist's window: Time wounds all heels.
In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
In a toilet: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)
On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard — bell out of order.)
On an United Airlines emergency exit row instruction card: If you cannot read this card...
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy
Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques.
Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.
Outside a farm: Horse manure, pre-packed bags, $10. Or, do-it-yourself, $1.
Outside a photographer’s studio: Out to lunch; if not back by five, out for dinner.
Confucius say...
Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
He who eats to many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
43% of all statistics are worthless.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
You never test the depth of a river with both feet.
A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
He who eats to many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
43% of all statistics are worthless.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
You never test the depth of a river with both feet.
A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Stupid Quotes
"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
- Alicia Silverstone, Actress
"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
- Anonymous Manufacturer
"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian
"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer
- Alicia Silverstone, Actress
"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
- Anonymous Manufacturer
"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian
"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer
25 Crazy Thoughts
1. If a baseball player hits a home run over the fence, but then dies before he can run around the bases, does the home run count?
2. When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in court do they have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth since they don't believe in God?
3. If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it?
4. Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
5. Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck?
6. How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?
7. If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?
8. Do they have burglar alarms at Christian bookstores?
9. When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
10. Why do the numbers on phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up?
11. Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
12. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
13. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
14. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
15. Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
16. "Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"
17. Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
18. Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?
19. Can mute people burp?
20. How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?
21. Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?
22. Why do you go "back and forth" to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
23. Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
24. Why can't you get a tan on your palms?
25. If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
2. When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in court do they have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth since they don't believe in God?
3. If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it?
4. Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
5. Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck?
6. How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?
7. If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?
8. Do they have burglar alarms at Christian bookstores?
9. When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
10. Why do the numbers on phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up?
11. Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
12. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
13. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
14. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
15. Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
16. "Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"
17. Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
18. Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?
19. Can mute people burp?
20. How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?
21. Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?
22. Why do you go "back and forth" to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
23. Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
24. Why can't you get a tan on your palms?
25. If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
Oxymoron Top 20
20. Government Organization
19. Alone Together
18. Personal Computer
17. Silent Scream
16. Living Dead
15. Same Difference
14. Taped Live
13. Plastic Glasses
12. Tight Slacks
11. Peace Force
10. Pretty Ugly
9. Head Butt
8. Working Vacation
7. Tax Return
6. Virtual Reality
5. Dodge Ram
4. Work Party
3. Jumbo Shrimp
2. Healthy Tan
1. Microsoft Works
19. Alone Together
18. Personal Computer
17. Silent Scream
16. Living Dead
15. Same Difference
14. Taped Live
13. Plastic Glasses
12. Tight Slacks
11. Peace Force
10. Pretty Ugly
9. Head Butt
8. Working Vacation
7. Tax Return
6. Virtual Reality
5. Dodge Ram
4. Work Party
3. Jumbo Shrimp
2. Healthy Tan
1. Microsoft Works
Drink and Drive? Crash and Burn
A woman and a man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are alright. This must be a sign from Him that we should be great friends". The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely".
The woman points to a bottle of Scotch on the ground and says "Here's another miracle. My bottle of Scotch somehow didn't break. Surely God wants us to toast our good fortune and cement our new friendship with a drink." The man nods his head in agreement and takes the bottle of Scotch and chugs half of it to calm his nerves. He hands the bottle back to the woman, who immediately puts the cap on and passes it back to him. The man asks "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No I think I'll just wait for the police..."
The woman points to a bottle of Scotch on the ground and says "Here's another miracle. My bottle of Scotch somehow didn't break. Surely God wants us to toast our good fortune and cement our new friendship with a drink." The man nods his head in agreement and takes the bottle of Scotch and chugs half of it to calm his nerves. He hands the bottle back to the woman, who immediately puts the cap on and passes it back to him. The man asks "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No I think I'll just wait for the police..."
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Fantasy Football Week 5
This is my team for Week 5. Liverpool and Arsenal aren't playing, so out goes Toure.
Didier Drogba
Against Sunderland? He's just gotta start to score!
Didn't start but scored anyway.
Darren Bent
The man's in form, and might crack the Brum defence. Replaces Owen. Everyone bought, and he just might flop. He wasn't the best against Northern Ireland.
Bingo. The bright spark in a poor match.
Milan Baros
The Hammers' and Villans' defences are quite porous, so I have attacking players from both sides.
Got 10 pts in a disappointing team performance. Why did I sell Harewood!?
Laurent Robert
Can't afford to drop him.
Decent return. Remember what our said about scoring even though Pompey are poor.
Matthew Etherington
Maybe he can reproduce his Week 1 form with Reo-Coker.
Disappointing from Etherington, considering an assist and three crosses.
Tim Cahill
Might get a few on target against Pompey. Hope so.
Poor. No headway against Pompey.
Damien Duff
Between him, SWP, Joe Cole and Robben, I hope he starts.
Got it wrong, but 1 assist raises the score slightly.
Asier Del Horno
Can't afford to drop him.
15 points. Another flawless week
Stephen Taylor
Can he ride the crest of the Newcastle renaissance? Stay tuned. Did well against United.
Missed out on the clean sheet, but this guy has potential.
Nigel Reo-Coker
Please click this week. Getting harder to justify him in the line-up.
Expected more with the clean sheet.
Edwin van der Sar
He'll keep the clean sheet.
Un lucky, but saved brilliantly from Cole at the end.
Didier Drogba
Against Sunderland? He's just gotta start to score!
Didn't start but scored anyway.
Darren Bent
The man's in form, and might crack the Brum defence. Replaces Owen. Everyone bought, and he just might flop. He wasn't the best against Northern Ireland.
Bingo. The bright spark in a poor match.
Milan Baros
The Hammers' and Villans' defences are quite porous, so I have attacking players from both sides.
Got 10 pts in a disappointing team performance. Why did I sell Harewood!?
Laurent Robert
Can't afford to drop him.
Decent return. Remember what our said about scoring even though Pompey are poor.
Matthew Etherington
Maybe he can reproduce his Week 1 form with Reo-Coker.
Disappointing from Etherington, considering an assist and three crosses.
Tim Cahill
Might get a few on target against Pompey. Hope so.
Poor. No headway against Pompey.
Damien Duff
Between him, SWP, Joe Cole and Robben, I hope he starts.
Got it wrong, but 1 assist raises the score slightly.
Asier Del Horno
Can't afford to drop him.
15 points. Another flawless week
Stephen Taylor
Can he ride the crest of the Newcastle renaissance? Stay tuned. Did well against United.
Missed out on the clean sheet, but this guy has potential.
Nigel Reo-Coker
Please click this week. Getting harder to justify him in the line-up.
Expected more with the clean sheet.
Edwin van der Sar
He'll keep the clean sheet.
Un lucky, but saved brilliantly from Cole at the end.
Birthdays
Why do young people feel their birthdays take forever to come, and old people feel their birthdays just keep coming?
I would make sense that a ten-year old would feel his 11th birthday is taking 10% of his life to come round, but a 50-year old's 51st birthday just takes one-fifth of that time. Hence, the discrepancy.
I would make sense that a ten-year old would feel his 11th birthday is taking 10% of his life to come round, but a 50-year old's 51st birthday just takes one-fifth of that time. Hence, the discrepancy.
Assassins: Assignment: Jerusalem, Target: Antichrist
I read
LaHaye, T., & J. Jenkins. (1999). Assassins: Assignment: Jerusalem, target: Antichrist. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
Book 6!
LaHaye, T., & J. Jenkins. (1999). Assassins: Assignment: Jerusalem, target: Antichrist. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
Book 6!
Monday, September 12, 2005
Top 10 signs you're not a powerful celebrity in Singapore
10. You have a baby and nobody cares.
9. Your last TV appearance was on Heartlanders. As a corpse.
8. Your management company wants to refund you your start-up fees and your publicist "accidentally" leaves rival management companies' name cards in your bag.
7. People don't know who you're seeing. And they don't ask.
6. You cannot get a table at McDonald's on a slow day.
5. You've never been asked to perform at any TV charity shows - even though you're an expert sword swallower.
4. You need to show your staff pass, your IC, your parents' birth certificates and get frisked before they let you into MediaCorp studios.
3. The last event you hosted was your heart-warming party, and only your neighbour's kid showed up. To play the Xbox.
2. You've never read about yourself in this magazine...
1. ... until now... You read this list and feel your heart breaknig slowly.
Taken from 8 Days, 25 Aug 2005
9. Your last TV appearance was on Heartlanders. As a corpse.
8. Your management company wants to refund you your start-up fees and your publicist "accidentally" leaves rival management companies' name cards in your bag.
7. People don't know who you're seeing. And they don't ask.
6. You cannot get a table at McDonald's on a slow day.
5. You've never been asked to perform at any TV charity shows - even though you're an expert sword swallower.
4. You need to show your staff pass, your IC, your parents' birth certificates and get frisked before they let you into MediaCorp studios.
3. The last event you hosted was your heart-warming party, and only your neighbour's kid showed up. To play the Xbox.
2. You've never read about yourself in this magazine...
1. ... until now... You read this list and feel your heart breaknig slowly.
Taken from 8 Days, 25 Aug 2005
Secret Diary
When you were young, you wrote in a diary and went to all measures to stop people from reading it.
Now that you're older, you write in a blog and hope everyone will read it.
Now that you're older, you write in a blog and hope everyone will read it.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Matrimonial testimonial
Here comes the bride
Short, fat and wide
See how she wobbles from side to side
Here comes the groom
All sad and gloom
He's come to this room to meet his doom
Short, fat and wide
See how she wobbles from side to side
Here comes the groom
All sad and gloom
He's come to this room to meet his doom
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Hollywood Lessons
1. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
2. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
3. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
4. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
5. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
6. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
7. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.
8. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
9. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
10. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
11. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
12. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
13. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
15. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
2. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
3. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
4. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
5. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
6. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
7. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.
8. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
9. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
10. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
11. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
12. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
13. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.
14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
15. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
Monday, September 05, 2005
The most dangerous food of all
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago:
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Mother Nature's PMS
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
On average, right-handed people live nine years longer thatn left-handed people.
Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Starfish have no brains.
Polar bears are left-handed.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
On average, right-handed people live nine years longer thatn left-handed people.
Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Starfish have no brains.
Polar bears are left-handed.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Apollyon: The Destroyer is unleashed
I read
LaHaye, T., & J. Jenkins. (1999). Apollyon: The Destroyer is unleashed. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
5th book of the Left Behind Series
LaHaye, T., & J. Jenkins. (1999). Apollyon: The Destroyer is unleashed. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
5th book of the Left Behind Series
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
The father's pain
A married couple went to the hospital to have their first baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably,the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. The amazed doctor told the man that the pain he had endured would have killed any normal man.
She and her husband were ecstatic about their newborn and the pain-free way he was delivered.
Until they got home to find the milkman dead on the porch.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably,the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. The amazed doctor told the man that the pain he had endured would have killed any normal man.
She and her husband were ecstatic about their newborn and the pain-free way he was delivered.
Until they got home to find the milkman dead on the porch.
Nokia 7710
Just sold my Nokia 7710 to an Aaron for $720.
Win-win:
I make $720 profit, he saves $300 plus free headset, battery and MM Card.
The wonders of Yahoo! Auctions.
Then I had to refund him $50 cos the 12-mth warranty was 10 months. He threatened a police report before I gave in. Still.
Win-win:
I make $720 profit, he saves $300 plus free headset, battery and MM Card.
The wonders of Yahoo! Auctions.
Then I had to refund him $50 cos the 12-mth warranty was 10 months. He threatened a police report before I gave in. Still.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Fantasy Football Week 3
This is my team for Week 3. Liverpool and Arsenal aren't playing, so out goes Toure.
Didier Drogba
Third time lucky? Hope so. London derby. Hope he scored and Chelsea lose.
Pbbbt. No action there.
Andy Cole
Playing against Pompey! *salivates* POINTS!!!
Scored AGAIN!
Laurent Robert
Selfish player who gets points for you no matter how poorly his teammates are doing.
Did his job, but more subdued in another poor Pompey display.
Jonathan Greening
Able to buy him cos I bought a few Man City midfielders. Crosses almost as much as Pennant, but I fancy Greening in a home game. Birmingham have scored only one in three games. Replaces Etherington
Decent performance with 10 points. Good buy.
Morten Gamst Pedersen
Away to Villa, but this lad has class. His team is crass though.
Everyone underperfomed this week. Sigh.
Trevor Sinclair
Really fancy Man City to do well against Pompey. It's a gamble. Sinclair's playing well. Replaces Pennant.
Did well for City. But why oh why did I replace 17-point Pennant?!?!?
Claus Jensen
Everton haven't impressed and the classy Dane might teach them a lesson. Replaces Reyna.
And why did I replace Reyna?!?!?
Asier Del Horno
Need I say more?
First goal for the club!
Niclas Jensen
Not to be confused with countryman and teammate Claus, Niclas has been doing well. Wanted Stephen Jordan of Man City, but a little bird told me he wouldn't start. Cunningham was an option too.
No-nonsense display.
Nigel Reo-Coker
Untouchable.
His star is waning. Might drop him next week.
Edwin van der Sar
Having tried out a fringe keeper last week, look what happened! Wanted Sorensen, but am playing safe with Edwin.
Clean sheet, four saves, maybe even an assist!!!
Didier Drogba
Third time lucky? Hope so. London derby. Hope he scored and Chelsea lose.
Pbbbt. No action there.
Andy Cole
Playing against Pompey! *salivates* POINTS!!!
Scored AGAIN!
Laurent Robert
Selfish player who gets points for you no matter how poorly his teammates are doing.
Did his job, but more subdued in another poor Pompey display.
Jonathan Greening
Able to buy him cos I bought a few Man City midfielders. Crosses almost as much as Pennant, but I fancy Greening in a home game. Birmingham have scored only one in three games. Replaces Etherington
Decent performance with 10 points. Good buy.
Morten Gamst Pedersen
Away to Villa, but this lad has class. His team is crass though.
Everyone underperfomed this week. Sigh.
Trevor Sinclair
Really fancy Man City to do well against Pompey. It's a gamble. Sinclair's playing well. Replaces Pennant.
Did well for City. But why oh why did I replace 17-point Pennant?!?!?
Claus Jensen
Everton haven't impressed and the classy Dane might teach them a lesson. Replaces Reyna.
And why did I replace Reyna?!?!?
Asier Del Horno
Need I say more?
First goal for the club!
Niclas Jensen
Not to be confused with countryman and teammate Claus, Niclas has been doing well. Wanted Stephen Jordan of Man City, but a little bird told me he wouldn't start. Cunningham was an option too.
No-nonsense display.
Nigel Reo-Coker
Untouchable.
His star is waning. Might drop him next week.
Edwin van der Sar
Having tried out a fringe keeper last week, look what happened! Wanted Sorensen, but am playing safe with Edwin.
Clean sheet, four saves, maybe even an assist!!!
Week 3 Review: Fantasy Football
Well done all!
Week 3 has just passed.
There are no games in Week 4 due to the World Cup Qualifiers.
Aaron (444 pts) retains top place but fails to keep his record of highest weekly score. He was pipped by Chongkiat by 108.5 pts to 106.
Chongkiat (360.5 pts) retains second place with the highest weekly score. Thanks to my recommending Roberts (14.5 pts). But I guess my recommendation of Kirkland (-1 pts) countered that.
Hingyau (229 pts) retains third place with another consistent performance.
Jasmine moves up four places, thanks to her third highest weekly score and my valuable input. She's also the highest Week 2 starter.
Zikai, Ben, Kenneth and Keh are in danger of slipping into the relagation zone if they don't buck up!
Gary and Nat: Come on up!
See you next week!
Week 3 has just passed.
There are no games in Week 4 due to the World Cup Qualifiers.
Aaron (444 pts) retains top place but fails to keep his record of highest weekly score. He was pipped by Chongkiat by 108.5 pts to 106.
Chongkiat (360.5 pts) retains second place with the highest weekly score. Thanks to my recommending Roberts (14.5 pts). But I guess my recommendation of Kirkland (-1 pts) countered that.
Hingyau (229 pts) retains third place with another consistent performance.
Jasmine moves up four places, thanks to her third highest weekly score and my valuable input. She's also the highest Week 2 starter.
Zikai, Ben, Kenneth and Keh are in danger of slipping into the relagation zone if they don't buck up!
Gary and Nat: Come on up!
See you next week!
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Week 2 Review: Fantasy Football
Well done all!
Week 2 has just passed so don't forget to change your Week 3 team by Sat 27 Aug.
Aaron (338 pts) takes top place with most of his players performing.
Chongkiat (252 pts) takes second place witht the second highest weekly score.
Hingyau (229 pts) takes third place with a solid midfield performance.
Jasmine finally moves out of the bottom three, thanks to two new teams, but she leapfrogs Syafiq as well.
Ben comes out of nowhere to pillage 146 points, thanks to Aaron picking Henry, Lampard, Terry and Friedel for him, to claim 14th spot ahead of Jeremy and Keh.
Welcome Nathaniel and Gary. Hope to see you on the scoreboard soon.
See you next week!
Week 2 has just passed so don't forget to change your Week 3 team by Sat 27 Aug.
Aaron (338 pts) takes top place with most of his players performing.
Chongkiat (252 pts) takes second place witht the second highest weekly score.
Hingyau (229 pts) takes third place with a solid midfield performance.
Jasmine finally moves out of the bottom three, thanks to two new teams, but she leapfrogs Syafiq as well.
Ben comes out of nowhere to pillage 146 points, thanks to Aaron picking Henry, Lampard, Terry and Friedel for him, to claim 14th spot ahead of Jeremy and Keh.
Welcome Nathaniel and Gary. Hope to see you on the scoreboard soon.
See you next week!
Friday, August 26, 2005
Perth: The Geylang massacre
Just watched Perth: The Geylang massacre.
More on this later.
Will talk about:
Lim Kay Tong
Analogy (redemption, dead fish, guan gong)
SAF
Will talk about:
Lim Kay Tong
Analogy (redemption, dead fish, guan gong)
SAF
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Member List
Here's the final league teams, in order of date joined:
1 (TT)vaches de chier: CPL Aaron Wong
2 Magpies: Kenneth Yee (Agape)
3 girlz: Jasmine Tang (Agape)
4 The Bananas: CPL Benedict Chen (BMT 'H')
5 Fantastic 11: CPL Benedict Chen (BMT 'H')
6 Punk'd Deck: Tay Teckseng (Agape)
7 Arrogant Aaron: Tan Chongkiat (AISS)
8 Tongkat Ali: Keh Chienyung (MCM)
9 RUSH: Edgar Chong (Agape)
10 Legion of Lasagne: Theophane Chan (Agape, ex-2 SIB)
11 the Real Lame deal: Chan Zikai (Agape)
12 N.B.Man Utd: CPL Luo Lianbin (2 SIB)
13 BoYwOnDeR: LCP Hung Hingyau (2 SIB)
14 IstanPool05: Clarence Williams (Agape)
15 Bravehearts: CPL(NS) Jeremy Toh (2 SIB)
16 Heart Breaker: Amos Pang (Agape)
17 Fresh-C-Food: LCP Syafiq Tubi (2 SIB)
18 Ben's Bengs: 3SG Benjamin Chew (2 SIB)
19 nate-united: Nathaniel Tan (MCM)
20 Fantasia: CPL Gary Lim (2 SIB)
Agape: 8
2 SIB: 6
MCM: 2
Have randomly invited a whole lot of acquaintances, so let's see what happens.
1 (TT)vaches de chier: CPL Aaron Wong
2 Magpies: Kenneth Yee (Agape)
3 girlz: Jasmine Tang (Agape)
4 The Bananas: CPL Benedict Chen (BMT 'H')
5 Fantastic 11: CPL Benedict Chen (BMT 'H')
6 Punk'd Deck: Tay Teckseng (Agape)
7 Arrogant Aaron: Tan Chongkiat (AISS)
8 Tongkat Ali: Keh Chienyung (MCM)
9 RUSH: Edgar Chong (Agape)
10 Legion of Lasagne: Theophane Chan (Agape, ex-2 SIB)
11 the Real Lame deal: Chan Zikai (Agape)
12 N.B.Man Utd: CPL Luo Lianbin (2 SIB)
13 BoYwOnDeR: LCP Hung Hingyau (2 SIB)
14 IstanPool05: Clarence Williams (Agape)
15 Bravehearts: CPL(NS) Jeremy Toh (2 SIB)
16 Heart Breaker: Amos Pang (Agape)
17 Fresh-C-Food: LCP Syafiq Tubi (2 SIB)
18 Ben's Bengs: 3SG Benjamin Chew (2 SIB)
19 nate-united: Nathaniel Tan (MCM)
20 Fantasia: CPL Gary Lim (2 SIB)
Agape: 8
2 SIB: 6
MCM: 2
Have randomly invited a whole lot of acquaintances, so let's see what happens.
Fantasy Football Week 2
This is my team for Week 2. There're many two gamers this week, so it might make sense to pick more of those.
Didier Drogba
Drogba should stay in the lineup, since Gudjohnsen didn't do much to suggest otherwise. Against Arsenal, muscle is needed, and Drogba has more of that than Crespo.
Good result. Came on and won the match for Chelsea. If he keeps performing, Crespo and Gudjohnsen won't get a look in. And neither will other strikers in my team.
Another winning performance. He's really hit the ground running. He should be a mainstay. Chelsea'll always get goals.
Alan Shearer
Why Shearer? Well, he's chasing Jackie Milburn's record (three to go), but he was my last choice, so he was most value for money. Anyway Jasmine chose him too.
Yuck. It was between Shearer and Mido. Damn.
Newcastle suck man. Not entirely Shearer's fault, but poor, poor outing.
Andy Cole
He played well in the last match, with five attempts on goal. Definitely overshadowed Vassell. Birmingham and Sunderand away? He might just got one or two.
15 points from the Man City man. Might be a bargain this season.
Got an assist. Good work!
Laurent Robert
He's appearing for the second week, and with good reason. One of those rare players who get good points no matter how their team performs. Set-piece king plays WBA and Villa, teams not famed for their defensive qualities.
The set-piece king strikes again. Could be good business against a toothless Villa too.
Unlucky not to score. Another useful display.
Matthew Etherington
No other player will give you the same value for 5.85m, so that's why I'm keeping him. If he gets 7+ points, that's good enough for me. He's playing an Emre-less Newcastle.
Ooh. Having second thoughts now. Were West Ham a flash in the pan?
Morten Gamst Pedersen
Best Blackburn midfielder has home games against Fulham and Spurs. Might rack up a few. Scored 12.5 in his last match with an SOT.
Great choice with a goal an assist and 21 points. But that was the easy match. 10 points against Spurs will be successful.
A quieter performance, though Blackburn did OK.
Jermaine Pennant
Scored 7.5 pts last week, also with no SOTs. Home games against Man City and Boro might change that.
9 points without an SOT. Something similar against Boro would be good business.
Outdid himself, and still no SOT. Wing wizard.
Asier Del Horno
All my defenders remain unchanged. Del Horno might get crosses and clean sheets (note the plural) this week. Let the points roll in. He's no competition with Wayne Bridge injured.
Unheard of. 15.5 points, and he had a quiet game! For 5 units, he's an absolute bargain!
Revelaton of the season so far. Those who didn't pick him in Week 1 are crying.
Kolo Toure
With Campbell injured, I still fancy Arsenal to get a clean sheet against a toothless Fulham. Toure and Arsenal will be looking to avenge their Community Shield loss. As a converted attacking mid, he might pop a few.
Didn't do too well, but he struggled against Chelsea.
Improved performance. Missed out on a clean sheet.
Nigel Reo-Coker
He's a season-long pick, barring a long injury layoff. Never forget, he'll earn you points as a defender and midfielder. He's not too bad too.
Hey. 7 points is decent enough. Satisfied.
Shay Given
The Irishman played out of his skin against Arsenal and was unlucky to concede two. He almost saved a penalty! If he had, I wouldn't be able to afford him this week. He's have planty of opportunites to save with Emre out. He's facing the rampant Hammers and two-goal Bolton.
Didn't have much to do against the Hammers and kept his clean sheet. Just got into double figures.
Let in two without a save. Bad call.
Didier Drogba
Drogba should stay in the lineup, since Gudjohnsen didn't do much to suggest otherwise. Against Arsenal, muscle is needed, and Drogba has more of that than Crespo.
Good result. Came on and won the match for Chelsea. If he keeps performing, Crespo and Gudjohnsen won't get a look in. And neither will other strikers in my team.
Another winning performance. He's really hit the ground running. He should be a mainstay. Chelsea'll always get goals.
Alan Shearer
Why Shearer? Well, he's chasing Jackie Milburn's record (three to go), but he was my last choice, so he was most value for money. Anyway Jasmine chose him too.
Yuck. It was between Shearer and Mido. Damn.
Newcastle suck man. Not entirely Shearer's fault, but poor, poor outing.
Andy Cole
He played well in the last match, with five attempts on goal. Definitely overshadowed Vassell. Birmingham and Sunderand away? He might just got one or two.
15 points from the Man City man. Might be a bargain this season.
Got an assist. Good work!
Laurent Robert
He's appearing for the second week, and with good reason. One of those rare players who get good points no matter how their team performs. Set-piece king plays WBA and Villa, teams not famed for their defensive qualities.
The set-piece king strikes again. Could be good business against a toothless Villa too.
Unlucky not to score. Another useful display.
Matthew Etherington
No other player will give you the same value for 5.85m, so that's why I'm keeping him. If he gets 7+ points, that's good enough for me. He's playing an Emre-less Newcastle.
Ooh. Having second thoughts now. Were West Ham a flash in the pan?
Morten Gamst Pedersen
Best Blackburn midfielder has home games against Fulham and Spurs. Might rack up a few. Scored 12.5 in his last match with an SOT.
Great choice with a goal an assist and 21 points. But that was the easy match. 10 points against Spurs will be successful.
A quieter performance, though Blackburn did OK.
Jermaine Pennant
Scored 7.5 pts last week, also with no SOTs. Home games against Man City and Boro might change that.
9 points without an SOT. Something similar against Boro would be good business.
Outdid himself, and still no SOT. Wing wizard.
Asier Del Horno
All my defenders remain unchanged. Del Horno might get crosses and clean sheets (note the plural) this week. Let the points roll in. He's no competition with Wayne Bridge injured.
Unheard of. 15.5 points, and he had a quiet game! For 5 units, he's an absolute bargain!
Revelaton of the season so far. Those who didn't pick him in Week 1 are crying.
Kolo Toure
With Campbell injured, I still fancy Arsenal to get a clean sheet against a toothless Fulham. Toure and Arsenal will be looking to avenge their Community Shield loss. As a converted attacking mid, he might pop a few.
Didn't do too well, but he struggled against Chelsea.
Improved performance. Missed out on a clean sheet.
Nigel Reo-Coker
He's a season-long pick, barring a long injury layoff. Never forget, he'll earn you points as a defender and midfielder. He's not too bad too.
Hey. 7 points is decent enough. Satisfied.
Shay Given
The Irishman played out of his skin against Arsenal and was unlucky to concede two. He almost saved a penalty! If he had, I wouldn't be able to afford him this week. He's have planty of opportunites to save with Emre out. He's facing the rampant Hammers and two-goal Bolton.
Didn't have much to do against the Hammers and kept his clean sheet. Just got into double figures.
Let in two without a save. Bad call.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Phobia phobia
Here's an exhaustive list of phobias, taken from http://www.phobialist.com/
What are you afraid of?
A-
Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing.
Acarophobia- Fear of itching or of the insects that cause itching.
Acerophobia- Fear of sourness.
Achluophobia- Fear of darkness.
Acousticophobia- Fear of noise.
Acrophobia- Fear of heights.
Aerophobia- Fear of drafts, air swallowing, or airbourne noxious substances.
Aeroacrophobia- Fear of open high places.
Aeronausiphobia- Fear of vomiting secondary to airsickness.
Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.
Agliophobia- Fear of pain.
Agoraphobia- Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets. Fear of leaving a safe place.
Agraphobia- Fear of sexual abuse.
Agrizoophobia- Fear of wild animals.
Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.
Aichmophobia- Fear of needles or pointed objects.
Ailurophobia- Fear of cats.
Albuminurophobia- Fear of kidney disease.
Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens.
Algophobia- Fear of pain.
Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic.
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Altophobia- Fear of heights.
Amathophobia- Fear of dust.
Amaxophobia- Fear of riding in a car.
Ambulophobia- Fear of walking.
Amnesiphobia- Fear of amnesia.
Amychophobia- Fear of scratches or being scratched.
Anablephobia- Fear of looking up.
Ancraophobia- Fear of wind. (Anemophobia)
Androphobia- Fear of men.
Anemophobia- Fear of air drafts or wind.(Ancraophobia)
Anginophobia- Fear of angina, choking or narrowness.
Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.
Angrophobia - Fear of anger or of becoming angry.
Ankylophobia- Fear of immobility of a joint.
Anthrophobia or Anthophobia- Fear of flowers.
Anthropophobia- Fear of people or society.
Antlophobia- Fear of floods.
Anuptaphobia- Fear of staying single.
Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity.
Aphenphosmphobia- Fear of being touched. (Haphephobia)
Apiphobia- Fear of bees.
Apotemnophobia- Fear of persons with amputations.
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Arachnephobia or Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders.
Arithmophobia- Fear of numbers.
Arrhenphobia- Fear of men.
Arsonphobia- Fear of fire.
Asthenophobia- Fear of fainting or weakness.
Astraphobia or Astrapophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Ceraunophobia, Keraunophobia)
Astrophobia- Fear of stars or celestial space.
Asymmetriphobia- Fear of asymmetrical things.
Ataxiophobia- Fear of ataxia. (muscular incoordination)
Ataxophobia- Fear of disorder or untidiness.
Atelophobia- Fear of imperfection.
Atephobia- Fear of ruin or ruins.
Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting.
Atomosophobia- Fear of atomic explosions.
Atychiphobia- Fear of failure.
Aulophobia- Fear of flutes.
Aurophobia- Fear of gold.
Auroraphobia- Fear of Northern lights.
Autodysomophobia- Fear of one that has a vile odor.
Automatonophobia- Fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues - anything that falsly represents a sentient being.
Automysophobia- Fear of being dirty.
Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself.
Aviophobia or Aviatophobia- Fear of flying.
B-
Bacillophobia- Fear of microbes.
Bacteriophobia- Fear of bacteria.
Ballistophobia- Fear of missiles or bullets.
Bolshephobia- Fear of Bolsheviks.
Barophobia- Fear of gravity.
Basophobia or Basiphobia- Inability to stand. Fear of walking or falling.
Bathmophobia- Fear of stairs or steep slopes.
Bathophobia- Fear of depth.
Batophobia- Fear of heights or being close to high buildings.
Batrachophobia- Fear of amphibians, such as frogs, newts, salamanders, etc.
Belonephobia- Fear of pins and needles. (Aichmophobia)
Bibliophobia- Fear of books.
Blennophobia- Fear of slime.
Bogyphobia- Fear of bogeys or the bogeyman.
Botanophobia- Fear of plants.
Bromidrosiphobia or Bromidrophobia- Fear of body smells.
Brontophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.
Bufonophobia- Fear of toads.
C-
Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness.
Cainophobia or Cainotophobia- Fear of newness, novelty.
Caligynephobia- Fear of beautiful women.
Cancerophobia or Carcinophobia- Fear of cancer.
Cardiophobia- Fear of the heart.
Carnophobia- Fear of meat.
Catagelophobia- Fear of being ridiculed.
Catapedaphobia- Fear of jumping from high and low places.
Cathisophobia- Fear of sitting.
Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.
Cenophobia or Centophobia- Fear of new things or ideas.
Ceraunophobia or Keraunophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Astraphobia, Astrapophobia)
Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.
Cheimaphobia or Cheimatophobia- Fear of cold.(Frigophobia, Psychophobia)
Chemophobia- Fear of chemicals or working with chemicals.
Cherophobia- Fear of gaiety.
Chionophobia- Fear of snow.
Chiraptophobia- Fear of being touched.
Chirophobia- Fear of hands.
Cholerophobia- Fear of anger or the fear of cholera.
Chorophobia- Fear of dancing.
Chrometophobia or Chrematophobia- Fear of money.
Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors.
Chronophobia- Fear of time.
Chronomentrophobia- Fear of clocks.
Cibophobia- Fear of food.(Sitophobia, Sitiophobia)
Claustrophobia- Fear of confined spaces.
Cleithrophobia or Cleisiophobia- Fear of being locked in an enclosed place.
Cleptophobia- Fear of stealing.
Climacophobia- Fear of stairs, climbing, or of falling downstairs.
Clinophobia- Fear of going to bed.
Clithrophobia or Cleithrophobia- Fear of being enclosed.
Cnidophobia- Fear of stings.
Cometophobia- Fear of comets.
Coimetrophobia- Fear of cemeteries.
Coitophobia- Fear of coitus.
Contreltophobia- Fear of sexual abuse.
Coprastasophobia- Fear of constipation.
Coprophobia- Fear of feces.
Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns.
Counterphobia- The preference by a phobic for fearful situations.
Cremnophobia- Fear of precipices.
Cryophobia- Fear of extreme cold, ice or frost.
Crystallophobia- Fear of crystals or glass.
Cyberphobia- Fear of computers or working on a computer.
Cyclophobia- Fear of bicycles.
Cymophobia or Kymophobia- Fear of waves or wave like motions.
Cynophobia- Fear of dogs or rabies.
Cypridophobia or Cypriphobia or Cyprianophobia or Cyprinophobia - Fear of prostitutes or venereal disease.
D-
Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions.
Defecaloesiophobia- Fear of painful bowels movements.
Deipnophobia- Fear of dining or dinner conversations.
Dementophobia- Fear of insanity.
Demonophobia or Daemonophobia- Fear of demons.
Demophobia- Fear of crowds. (Agoraphobia)
Dendrophobia- Fear of trees.
Dentophobia- Fear of dentists.
Dermatophobia- Fear of skin lesions.
Dermatosiophobia or Dermatophobia or Dermatopathophobia- Fear of skin disease.
Dextrophobia- Fear of objects at the right side of the body.
Diabetophobia- Fear of diabetes.
Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school.
Dikephobia- Fear of justice.
Dinophobia- Fear of dizziness or whirlpools.
Diplophobia- Fear of double vision.
Dipsophobia- Fear of drinking.
Dishabiliophobia- Fear of undressing in front of someone.
Domatophobia- Fear of houses or being in a house.(Eicophobia, Oikophobia)
Doraphobia- Fear of fur or skins of animals.
Doxophobia- Fear of expressing opinions or of receiving praise.
Dromophobia- Fear of crossing streets.
Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch.
Dysmorphophobia- Fear of deformity.
Dystychiphobia- Fear of accidents.
E-
Ecclesiophobia- Fear of church.
Ecophobia- Fear of home.
Eicophobia- Fear of home surroundings.(Domatophobia, Oikophobia)
Eisoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors or of seeing oneself in a mirror.
Electrophobia- Fear of electricity.
Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom.
Elurophobia- Fear of cats. (Ailurophobia)
Emetophobia- Fear of vomiting.
Enetophobia- Fear of pins.
Enochlophobia- Fear of crowds.
Enosiophobia or Enissophobia- Fear of having committed an unpardonable sin or of criticism.
Entomophobia- Fear of insects.
Eosophobia- Fear of dawn or daylight.
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.
Epistaxiophobia- Fear of nosebleeds.
Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Equinophobia- Fear of horses.
Eremophobia- Fear of being oneself or of lonliness.
Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing.
Ergasiophobia- 1) Fear of work or functioning. 2) Surgeon's fear of operating.
Ergophobia- Fear of work.
Erotophobia- Fear of sexual love or sexual questions.
Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news.
Eurotophobia- Fear of female genitalia.
Erythrophobia or Erytophobia or Ereuthophobia- 1) Fear of redlights. 2) Blushing. 3) Red.
F-
Febriphobia or Fibriphobia or Fibriophobia- Fear of fever.
Felinophobia- Fear of cats. (Ailurophobia, Elurophobia, Galeophobia, Gatophobia)
Francophobia- Fear of France or French culture. (Gallophobia, Galiophobia)
Frigophobia- Fear of cold or cold things.(Cheimaphobia, Cheimatophobia, Psychrophobia)
G-
Galeophobia or Gatophobia- Fear of cats.
Gallophobia or Galiophobia- Fear France or French culture. (Francophobia)
Gamophobia- Fear of marriage.
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter.
Geniophobia- Fear of chins.
Genophobia- Fear of sex.
Genuphobia- Fear of knees.
Gephyrophobia or Gephydrophobia or Gephysrophobia- Fear of crossing bridges.
Germanophobia- Fear of Germany or German culture.
Gerascophobia- Fear of growing old.
Gerontophobia- Fear of old people or of growing old.
Geumaphobia or Geumophobia- Fear of taste.
Glossophobia- Fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak.
Gnosiophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Graphophobia- Fear of writing or handwriting.
Gymnophobia- Fear of nudity.
Gynephobia or Gynophobia- Fear of women.
H-
Hadephobia- Fear of hell.
Hagiophobia- Fear of saints or holy things.
Hamartophobia- Fear of sinning.
Haphephobia or Haptephobia- Fear of being touched.
Harpaxophobia- Fear of being robbed.
Hedonophobia- Fear of feeling pleasure.
Heliophobia- Fear of the sun.
Hellenologophobia- Fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology.
Helminthophobia- Fear of being infested with worms.
Hemophobia or Hemaphobia or Hematophobia- Fear of blood.
Heresyphobia or Hereiophobia- Fear of challenges to official doctrine or of radical deviation.
Herpetophobia- Fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things.
Heterophobia- Fear of the opposite sex. (Sexophobia)
Hierophobia- Fear of priests or sacred things.
Hippophobia- Fear of horses.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.
Hobophobia- Fear of bums or beggars.
Hodophobia- Fear of road travel.
Hormephobia- Fear of shock.
Homichlophobia- Fear of fog.
Homilophobia- Fear of sermons.
Hominophobia- Fear of men.
Homophobia- Fear of sameness, monotony or of homosexuality or of becoming homosexual.
Hoplophobia- Fear of firearms.
Hydrargyophobia- Fear of mercurial medicines.
Hydrophobia- Fear of water or of rabies.
Hydrophobophobia- Fear of rabies.
Hyelophobia or Hyalophobia- Fear of glass.
Hygrophobia- Fear of liquids, dampness, or moisture.
Hylephobia- Fear of materialism or the fear of epilepsy.
Hylophobia- Fear of forests.
Hypengyophobia or Hypegiaphobia- Fear of responsibility.
Hypnophobia- Fear of sleep or of being hypnotized.
Hypsiphobia- Fear of height.
I-
Iatrophobia- Fear of going to the doctor or of doctors.
Ichthyophobia- Fear of fish.
Ideophobia- Fear of ideas.
Illyngophobia- Fear of vertigo or feeling dizzy when looking down.
Iophobia- Fear of poison.
Insectophobia - Fear of insects.
Isolophobia- Fear of solitude, being alone.
Isopterophobia- Fear of termites, insects that eat wood.
Ithyphallophobia- Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.
J-
Japanophobia- Fear of Japanese.
Judeophobia- Fear of Jews.
K-
Kainolophobia or Kainophobia- Fear of anything new, novelty.
Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat.
Katagelophobia- Fear of ridicule.
Kathisophobia- Fear of sitting down.
Kenophobia- Fear of voids or empty spaces.
Keraunophobia or Ceraunophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Astraphobia, Astrapophobia)
Kinetophobia or Kinesophobia- Fear of movement or motion.
Kleptophobia- Fear of stealing.
Koinoniphobia- Fear of rooms.
Kolpophobia- Fear of genitals, particularly female.
Kopophobia- Fear of fatigue.
Koniophobia- Fear of dust. (Amathophobia)
Kosmikophobia- Fear of cosmic phenomenon.
Kymophobia- Fear of waves. (Cymophobia)
Kynophobia- Fear of rabies.
Kyphophobia- Fear of stooping.
L-
Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables.
Laliophobia or Lalophobia- Fear of speaking.
Leprophobia or Lepraphobia- Fear of leprosy.
Leukophobia- Fear of the color white.
Levophobia- Fear of things to the left side of the body.
Ligyrophobia- Fear of loud noises.
Lilapsophobia- Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
Limnophobia- Fear of lakes.
Linonophobia- Fear of string.
Liticaphobia- Fear of lawsuits.
Lockiophobia- Fear of childbirth.
Logizomechanophobia- Fear of computers.
Logophobia- Fear of words.
Luiphobia- Fear of lues, syphillis.
Lutraphobia- Fear of otters.
Lygophobia- Fear of darkness.
Lyssophobia- Fear of rabies or of becoming mad.
M-
Macrophobia- Fear of long waits.
Mageirocophobia- Fear of cooking.
Maieusiophobia- Fear of childbirth.
Malaxophobia- Fear of love play. (Sarmassophobia)
Maniaphobia- Fear of insanity.
Mastigophobia- Fear of punishment.
Mechanophobia- Fear of machines.
Medomalacuphobia- Fear of losing an erection.
Medorthophobia- Fear of an erect penis.
Megalophobia- Fear of large things.
Melissophobia- Fear of bees.
Melanophobia- Fear of the color black.
Melophobia- Fear or hatred of music.
Meningitophobia- Fear of brain disease.
Menophobia- Fear of menstruation.
Merinthophobia- Fear of being bound or tied up.
Metallophobia- Fear of metal.
Metathesiophobia- Fear of changes.
Meteorophobia- Fear of meteors.
Methyphobia- Fear of alcohol.
Metrophobia- Fear or hatred of poetry.
Microbiophobia- Fear of microbes. (Bacillophobia)
Microphobia- Fear of small things.
Misophobia or Mysophobia- Fear of being contaminated with dirt or germs.
Mnemophobia- Fear of memories.
Molysmophobia or Molysomophobia- Fear of dirt or contamination.
Monophobia- Fear of solitude or being alone.
Monopathophobia- Fear of definite disease.
Motorphobia- Fear of automobiles.
Mottephobia- Fear of moths.
Musophobia or Muriphobia- Fear of mice.
Mycophobia- Fear or aversion to mushrooms.
Mycrophobia- Fear of small things.
Myctophobia- Fear of darkness.
Myrmecophobia- Fear of ants.
Mythophobia- Fear of myths or stories or false statements.
Myxophobia- Fear of slime. (Blennophobia)
N-
Nebulaphobia- Fear of fog. (Homichlophobia)
Necrophobia- Fear of death or dead things.
Nelophobia- Fear of glass.
Neopharmaphobia- Fear of new drugs.
Neophobia- Fear of anything new.
Nephophobia- Fear of clouds.
Noctiphobia- Fear of the night.
Nomatophobia- Fear of names.
Nosocomephobia- Fear of hospitals.
Nosophobia or Nosemaphobia- Fear of becoming ill.
Nostophobia- Fear of returning home.
Novercaphobia- Fear of your step-mother.
Nucleomituphobia- Fear of nuclear weapons.
Nudophobia- Fear of nudity.
Numerophobia- Fear of numbers.
Nyctohylophobia- Fear of dark wooded areas or of forests at night
Nyctophobia- Fear of the dark or of night.
O-
Obesophobia- Fear of gaining weight.(Pocrescophobia)
Ochlophobia- Fear of crowds or mobs.
Ochophobia- Fear of vehicles.
Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8.
Odontophobia- Fear of teeth or dental surgery.
Odynophobia or Odynephobia- Fear of pain. (Algophobia)
Oenophobia- Fear of wines.
Oikophobia- Fear of home surroundings, house.(Domatophobia, Eicophobia)
Olfactophobia- Fear of smells.
Ombrophobia- Fear of rain or of being rained on.
Ommetaphobia or Ommatophobia- Fear of eyes.
Oneirophobia- Fear of dreams.
Oneirogmophobia- Fear of wet dreams.
Onomatophobia- Fear of hearing a certain word or of names.
Ophidiophobia- Fear of snakes. (Snakephobia)
Ophthalmophobia- Fear of being stared at.
Opiophobia- Fear medical doctors experience of prescribing needed pain medications for patients.
Optophobia- Fear of opening one's eyes.
Ornithophobia- Fear of birds.
Orthophobia- Fear of property.
Osmophobia or Osphresiophobia- Fear of smells or odors.
Ostraconophobia- Fear of shellfish.
Ouranophobia or Uranophobia- Fear of heaven.
P-
Pagophobia- Fear of ice or frost.
Panthophobia- Fear of suffering and disease.
Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.
Papaphobia- Fear of the Pope.
Papyrophobia- Fear of paper.
Paralipophobia- Fear of neglecting duty or responsibility.
Paraphobia- Fear of sexual perversion.
Parasitophobia- Fear of parasites.
Paraskavedekatriaphobia- Fear of Friday the 13th.
Parthenophobia- Fear of virgins or young girls.
Pathophobia- Fear of disease.
Patroiophobia- Fear of heredity.
Parturiphobia- Fear of childbirth.
Peccatophobia- Fear of sinning or imaginary crimes.
Pediculophobia- Fear of lice.
Pediophobia- Fear of dolls.
Pedophobia- Fear of children.
Peladophobia- Fear of bald people.
Pellagrophobia- Fear of pellagra.
Peniaphobia- Fear of poverty.
Pentheraphobia- Fear of mother-in-law. (Novercaphobia)
Phagophobia- Fear of swallowing or of eating or of being eaten.
Phalacrophobia- Fear of becoming bald.
Phallophobia- Fear of a penis, esp erect.
Pharmacophobia- Fear of taking medicine.
Phasmophobia- Fear of ghosts.
Phengophobia- Fear of daylight or sunshine.
Philemaphobia or Philematophobia- Fear of kissing.
Philophobia- Fear of falling in love or being in love.
Philosophobia- Fear of philosophy.
Phobophobia- Fear of phobias.
Photoaugliaphobia- Fear of glaring lights.
Photophobia- Fear of light.
Phonophobia- Fear of noises or voices or one's own voice; of telephones.
Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking.
Phthiriophobia- Fear of lice. (Pediculophobia)
Phthisiophobia- Fear of tuberculosis.
Placophobia- Fear of tombstones.
Plutophobia- Fear of wealth.
Pluviophobia- Fear of rain or of being rained on.
Pneumatiphobia- Fear of spirits.
Pnigophobia or Pnigerophobia- Fear of choking of being smothered.
Pocrescophobia- Fear of gaining weight. (Obesophobia)
Pogonophobia- Fear of beards.
Poliosophobia- Fear of contracting poliomyelitis.
Politicophobia- Fear or abnormal dislike of politicians.
Polyphobia- Fear of many things.
Poinephobia- Fear of punishment.
Ponophobia- Fear of overworking or of pain.
Porphyrophobia- Fear of the color purple.
Potamophobia- Fear of rivers or running water.
Potophobia- Fear of alcohol.
Pharmacophobia- Fear of drugs.
Proctophobia- Fear of rectums.
Prosophobia- Fear of progress.
Psellismophobia- Fear of stuttering.
Psychophobia- Fear of mind.
Psychrophobia- Fear of cold.
Pteromerhanophobia- Fear of flying.
Pteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathers.
Pupaphobia - Fear of puppets.
Pyrexiophobia- Fear of Fever.
Pyrophobia- Fear of fire.
Q-
R-
Radiophobia- Fear of radiation, x-rays.
Ranidaphobia- Fear of frogs.
Rectophobia- Fear of rectum or rectal diseases.
Rhabdophobia- Fear of being severely punished or beaten by a rod, or of being severely criticized. Also fear of magic.(wand)
Rhypophobia- Fear of defecation.
Rhytiphobia- Fear of getting wrinkles.
Rupophobia- Fear of dirt.
Russophobia- Fear of Russians.
S-
Samhainophobia: Fear of Halloween.
Sarmassophobia- Fear of love play. (Malaxophobia)
Satanophobia- Fear of Satan.
Scabiophobia- Fear of scabies.
Scatophobia- Fear of fecal matter.
Scelerophibia- Fear of bad men, burglars.
Sciophobia Sciaphobia- Fear of shadows.
Scoleciphobia- Fear of worms.
Scolionophobia- Fear of school.
Scopophobia or Scoptophobia- Fear of being seen or stared at.
Scotomaphobia- Fear of blindness in visual field.
Scotophobia- Fear of darkness. (Achluophobia)
Scriptophobia- Fear of writing in public.
Selachophobia- Fear of sharks.
Selaphobia- Fear of light flashes.
Selenophobia- Fear of the moon.
Seplophobia- Fear of decaying matter.
Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words.
Sexophobia- Fear of the opposite sex. (Heterophobia)
Siderodromophobia- Fear of trains, railroads or train travel.
Siderophobia- Fear of stars.
Sinistrophobia- Fear of things to the left or left-handed.
Sinophobia- Fear of Chinese, Chinese culture.
Sitophobia or Sitiophobia- Fear of food or eating. (Cibophobia)
Snakephobia- Fear of snakes. (Ophidiophobia)
Soceraphobia- Fear of parents-in-law.
Social Phobia- Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations.
Sociophobia- Fear of society or people in general.
Somniphobia- Fear of sleep.
Sophophobia- Fear of learning.
Soteriophobia - Fear of dependence on others.
Spacephobia- Fear of outer space.
Spectrophobia- Fear of specters or ghosts.
Spermatophobia or Spermophobia- Fear of germs.
Spheksophobia- Fear of wasps.
Stasibasiphobia or Stasiphobia- Fear of standing or walking. (Ambulophobia)
Staurophobia- Fear of crosses or the crucifix.
Stenophobia- Fear of narrow things or places.
Stygiophobia or Stigiophobia- Fear of hell.
Suriphobia- Fear of mice.
Symbolophobia- Fear of symbolism.
Symmetrophobia- Fear of symmetry.
Syngenesophobia- Fear of relatives.
Syphilophobia- Fear of syphilis.
T-
Tachophobia- Fear of speed.
Taeniophobia or Teniophobia- Fear of tapeworms.
Taphephobia Taphophobia- Fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries.
Tapinophobia- Fear of being contagious.
Taurophobia- Fear of bulls.
Technophobia- Fear of technology.
Teleophobia- 1) Fear of definite plans. 2) Religious ceremony.
Telephonophobia- Fear of telephones.
Teratophobia- Fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people.
Testophobia- Fear of taking tests.
Tetanophobia- Fear of lockjaw, tetanus.
Teutophobia- Fear of German or German things.
Textophobia- Fear of certain fabrics.
Thaasophobia- Fear of sitting.
Thalassophobia- Fear of the sea.
Thanatophobia or Thantophobia- Fear of death or dying.
Theatrophobia- Fear of theatres.
Theologicophobia- Fear of theology.
Theophobia- Fear of gods or religion.
Thermophobia- Fear of heat.
Tocophobia- Fear of pregnancy or childbirth.
Tomophobia- Fear of surgical operations.
Tonitrophobia- Fear of thunder.
Topophobia- Fear of certain places or situations, such as stage fright.
Toxiphobia or Toxophobia or Toxicophobia- Fear of poison or of being accidently poisoned.
Traumatophobia- Fear of injury.
Tremophobia- Fear of trembling.
Trichinophobia- Fear of trichinosis.
Trichopathophobia or Trichophobia- Fear of hair. (Chaetophobia, Hypertrichophobia)
Triskaidekaphobia- Fear of the number 13.
Tropophobia- Fear of moving or making changes.
Trypanophobia- Fear of injections.
Tuberculophobia- Fear of tuberculosis.
Tyrannophobia- Fear of tyrants.
U-
Uranophobia or Ouranophobia- Fear of heaven.
Urophobia- Fear of urine or urinating.
V-
Vaccinophobia- Fear of vaccination.
Venustraphobia- Fear of beautiful women.
Verbophobia- Fear of words.
Verminophobia- Fear of germs.
Vestiphobia- Fear of clothing.
Virginitiphobia- Fear of rape.
Vitricophobia- Fear of step-father.
W-
Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons.
Wiccaphobia: Fear of witches and witchcraft.
X-
Xanthophobia- Fear of the color yellow or the word yellow.
Xenoglossophobia- Fear of foreign languages.
Xenophobia- Fear of strangers or foreigners.
Xerophobia- Fear of dryness.
Xylophobia- 1) Fear of wooden objects. 2) Forests.
Xyrophobia-Fear of razors.
Y-
Z-
Zelophobia- Fear of jealousy.
Zeusophobia- Fear of God or gods.
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat.
Zoophobia- Fear of animals.
What are you afraid of?
A-
Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing.
Acarophobia- Fear of itching or of the insects that cause itching.
Acerophobia- Fear of sourness.
Achluophobia- Fear of darkness.
Acousticophobia- Fear of noise.
Acrophobia- Fear of heights.
Aerophobia- Fear of drafts, air swallowing, or airbourne noxious substances.
Aeroacrophobia- Fear of open high places.
Aeronausiphobia- Fear of vomiting secondary to airsickness.
Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.
Agliophobia- Fear of pain.
Agoraphobia- Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets. Fear of leaving a safe place.
Agraphobia- Fear of sexual abuse.
Agrizoophobia- Fear of wild animals.
Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.
Aichmophobia- Fear of needles or pointed objects.
Ailurophobia- Fear of cats.
Albuminurophobia- Fear of kidney disease.
Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens.
Algophobia- Fear of pain.
Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic.
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Altophobia- Fear of heights.
Amathophobia- Fear of dust.
Amaxophobia- Fear of riding in a car.
Ambulophobia- Fear of walking.
Amnesiphobia- Fear of amnesia.
Amychophobia- Fear of scratches or being scratched.
Anablephobia- Fear of looking up.
Ancraophobia- Fear of wind. (Anemophobia)
Androphobia- Fear of men.
Anemophobia- Fear of air drafts or wind.(Ancraophobia)
Anginophobia- Fear of angina, choking or narrowness.
Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.
Angrophobia - Fear of anger or of becoming angry.
Ankylophobia- Fear of immobility of a joint.
Anthrophobia or Anthophobia- Fear of flowers.
Anthropophobia- Fear of people or society.
Antlophobia- Fear of floods.
Anuptaphobia- Fear of staying single.
Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity.
Aphenphosmphobia- Fear of being touched. (Haphephobia)
Apiphobia- Fear of bees.
Apotemnophobia- Fear of persons with amputations.
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Arachnephobia or Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders.
Arithmophobia- Fear of numbers.
Arrhenphobia- Fear of men.
Arsonphobia- Fear of fire.
Asthenophobia- Fear of fainting or weakness.
Astraphobia or Astrapophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Ceraunophobia, Keraunophobia)
Astrophobia- Fear of stars or celestial space.
Asymmetriphobia- Fear of asymmetrical things.
Ataxiophobia- Fear of ataxia. (muscular incoordination)
Ataxophobia- Fear of disorder or untidiness.
Atelophobia- Fear of imperfection.
Atephobia- Fear of ruin or ruins.
Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting.
Atomosophobia- Fear of atomic explosions.
Atychiphobia- Fear of failure.
Aulophobia- Fear of flutes.
Aurophobia- Fear of gold.
Auroraphobia- Fear of Northern lights.
Autodysomophobia- Fear of one that has a vile odor.
Automatonophobia- Fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues - anything that falsly represents a sentient being.
Automysophobia- Fear of being dirty.
Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself.
Aviophobia or Aviatophobia- Fear of flying.
B-
Bacillophobia- Fear of microbes.
Bacteriophobia- Fear of bacteria.
Ballistophobia- Fear of missiles or bullets.
Bolshephobia- Fear of Bolsheviks.
Barophobia- Fear of gravity.
Basophobia or Basiphobia- Inability to stand. Fear of walking or falling.
Bathmophobia- Fear of stairs or steep slopes.
Bathophobia- Fear of depth.
Batophobia- Fear of heights or being close to high buildings.
Batrachophobia- Fear of amphibians, such as frogs, newts, salamanders, etc.
Belonephobia- Fear of pins and needles. (Aichmophobia)
Bibliophobia- Fear of books.
Blennophobia- Fear of slime.
Bogyphobia- Fear of bogeys or the bogeyman.
Botanophobia- Fear of plants.
Bromidrosiphobia or Bromidrophobia- Fear of body smells.
Brontophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.
Bufonophobia- Fear of toads.
C-
Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness.
Cainophobia or Cainotophobia- Fear of newness, novelty.
Caligynephobia- Fear of beautiful women.
Cancerophobia or Carcinophobia- Fear of cancer.
Cardiophobia- Fear of the heart.
Carnophobia- Fear of meat.
Catagelophobia- Fear of being ridiculed.
Catapedaphobia- Fear of jumping from high and low places.
Cathisophobia- Fear of sitting.
Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors.
Cenophobia or Centophobia- Fear of new things or ideas.
Ceraunophobia or Keraunophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Astraphobia, Astrapophobia)
Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.
Cheimaphobia or Cheimatophobia- Fear of cold.(Frigophobia, Psychophobia)
Chemophobia- Fear of chemicals or working with chemicals.
Cherophobia- Fear of gaiety.
Chionophobia- Fear of snow.
Chiraptophobia- Fear of being touched.
Chirophobia- Fear of hands.
Cholerophobia- Fear of anger or the fear of cholera.
Chorophobia- Fear of dancing.
Chrometophobia or Chrematophobia- Fear of money.
Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors.
Chronophobia- Fear of time.
Chronomentrophobia- Fear of clocks.
Cibophobia- Fear of food.(Sitophobia, Sitiophobia)
Claustrophobia- Fear of confined spaces.
Cleithrophobia or Cleisiophobia- Fear of being locked in an enclosed place.
Cleptophobia- Fear of stealing.
Climacophobia- Fear of stairs, climbing, or of falling downstairs.
Clinophobia- Fear of going to bed.
Clithrophobia or Cleithrophobia- Fear of being enclosed.
Cnidophobia- Fear of stings.
Cometophobia- Fear of comets.
Coimetrophobia- Fear of cemeteries.
Coitophobia- Fear of coitus.
Contreltophobia- Fear of sexual abuse.
Coprastasophobia- Fear of constipation.
Coprophobia- Fear of feces.
Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns.
Counterphobia- The preference by a phobic for fearful situations.
Cremnophobia- Fear of precipices.
Cryophobia- Fear of extreme cold, ice or frost.
Crystallophobia- Fear of crystals or glass.
Cyberphobia- Fear of computers or working on a computer.
Cyclophobia- Fear of bicycles.
Cymophobia or Kymophobia- Fear of waves or wave like motions.
Cynophobia- Fear of dogs or rabies.
Cypridophobia or Cypriphobia or Cyprianophobia or Cyprinophobia - Fear of prostitutes or venereal disease.
D-
Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions.
Defecaloesiophobia- Fear of painful bowels movements.
Deipnophobia- Fear of dining or dinner conversations.
Dementophobia- Fear of insanity.
Demonophobia or Daemonophobia- Fear of demons.
Demophobia- Fear of crowds. (Agoraphobia)
Dendrophobia- Fear of trees.
Dentophobia- Fear of dentists.
Dermatophobia- Fear of skin lesions.
Dermatosiophobia or Dermatophobia or Dermatopathophobia- Fear of skin disease.
Dextrophobia- Fear of objects at the right side of the body.
Diabetophobia- Fear of diabetes.
Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school.
Dikephobia- Fear of justice.
Dinophobia- Fear of dizziness or whirlpools.
Diplophobia- Fear of double vision.
Dipsophobia- Fear of drinking.
Dishabiliophobia- Fear of undressing in front of someone.
Domatophobia- Fear of houses or being in a house.(Eicophobia, Oikophobia)
Doraphobia- Fear of fur or skins of animals.
Doxophobia- Fear of expressing opinions or of receiving praise.
Dromophobia- Fear of crossing streets.
Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch.
Dysmorphophobia- Fear of deformity.
Dystychiphobia- Fear of accidents.
E-
Ecclesiophobia- Fear of church.
Ecophobia- Fear of home.
Eicophobia- Fear of home surroundings.(Domatophobia, Oikophobia)
Eisoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors or of seeing oneself in a mirror.
Electrophobia- Fear of electricity.
Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom.
Elurophobia- Fear of cats. (Ailurophobia)
Emetophobia- Fear of vomiting.
Enetophobia- Fear of pins.
Enochlophobia- Fear of crowds.
Enosiophobia or Enissophobia- Fear of having committed an unpardonable sin or of criticism.
Entomophobia- Fear of insects.
Eosophobia- Fear of dawn or daylight.
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.
Epistaxiophobia- Fear of nosebleeds.
Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Equinophobia- Fear of horses.
Eremophobia- Fear of being oneself or of lonliness.
Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing.
Ergasiophobia- 1) Fear of work or functioning. 2) Surgeon's fear of operating.
Ergophobia- Fear of work.
Erotophobia- Fear of sexual love or sexual questions.
Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news.
Eurotophobia- Fear of female genitalia.
Erythrophobia or Erytophobia or Ereuthophobia- 1) Fear of redlights. 2) Blushing. 3) Red.
F-
Febriphobia or Fibriphobia or Fibriophobia- Fear of fever.
Felinophobia- Fear of cats. (Ailurophobia, Elurophobia, Galeophobia, Gatophobia)
Francophobia- Fear of France or French culture. (Gallophobia, Galiophobia)
Frigophobia- Fear of cold or cold things.(Cheimaphobia, Cheimatophobia, Psychrophobia)
G-
Galeophobia or Gatophobia- Fear of cats.
Gallophobia or Galiophobia- Fear France or French culture. (Francophobia)
Gamophobia- Fear of marriage.
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter.
Geniophobia- Fear of chins.
Genophobia- Fear of sex.
Genuphobia- Fear of knees.
Gephyrophobia or Gephydrophobia or Gephysrophobia- Fear of crossing bridges.
Germanophobia- Fear of Germany or German culture.
Gerascophobia- Fear of growing old.
Gerontophobia- Fear of old people or of growing old.
Geumaphobia or Geumophobia- Fear of taste.
Glossophobia- Fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak.
Gnosiophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Graphophobia- Fear of writing or handwriting.
Gymnophobia- Fear of nudity.
Gynephobia or Gynophobia- Fear of women.
H-
Hadephobia- Fear of hell.
Hagiophobia- Fear of saints or holy things.
Hamartophobia- Fear of sinning.
Haphephobia or Haptephobia- Fear of being touched.
Harpaxophobia- Fear of being robbed.
Hedonophobia- Fear of feeling pleasure.
Heliophobia- Fear of the sun.
Hellenologophobia- Fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology.
Helminthophobia- Fear of being infested with worms.
Hemophobia or Hemaphobia or Hematophobia- Fear of blood.
Heresyphobia or Hereiophobia- Fear of challenges to official doctrine or of radical deviation.
Herpetophobia- Fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things.
Heterophobia- Fear of the opposite sex. (Sexophobia)
Hierophobia- Fear of priests or sacred things.
Hippophobia- Fear of horses.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.
Hobophobia- Fear of bums or beggars.
Hodophobia- Fear of road travel.
Hormephobia- Fear of shock.
Homichlophobia- Fear of fog.
Homilophobia- Fear of sermons.
Hominophobia- Fear of men.
Homophobia- Fear of sameness, monotony or of homosexuality or of becoming homosexual.
Hoplophobia- Fear of firearms.
Hydrargyophobia- Fear of mercurial medicines.
Hydrophobia- Fear of water or of rabies.
Hydrophobophobia- Fear of rabies.
Hyelophobia or Hyalophobia- Fear of glass.
Hygrophobia- Fear of liquids, dampness, or moisture.
Hylephobia- Fear of materialism or the fear of epilepsy.
Hylophobia- Fear of forests.
Hypengyophobia or Hypegiaphobia- Fear of responsibility.
Hypnophobia- Fear of sleep or of being hypnotized.
Hypsiphobia- Fear of height.
I-
Iatrophobia- Fear of going to the doctor or of doctors.
Ichthyophobia- Fear of fish.
Ideophobia- Fear of ideas.
Illyngophobia- Fear of vertigo or feeling dizzy when looking down.
Iophobia- Fear of poison.
Insectophobia - Fear of insects.
Isolophobia- Fear of solitude, being alone.
Isopterophobia- Fear of termites, insects that eat wood.
Ithyphallophobia- Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.
J-
Japanophobia- Fear of Japanese.
Judeophobia- Fear of Jews.
K-
Kainolophobia or Kainophobia- Fear of anything new, novelty.
Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat.
Katagelophobia- Fear of ridicule.
Kathisophobia- Fear of sitting down.
Kenophobia- Fear of voids or empty spaces.
Keraunophobia or Ceraunophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Astraphobia, Astrapophobia)
Kinetophobia or Kinesophobia- Fear of movement or motion.
Kleptophobia- Fear of stealing.
Koinoniphobia- Fear of rooms.
Kolpophobia- Fear of genitals, particularly female.
Kopophobia- Fear of fatigue.
Koniophobia- Fear of dust. (Amathophobia)
Kosmikophobia- Fear of cosmic phenomenon.
Kymophobia- Fear of waves. (Cymophobia)
Kynophobia- Fear of rabies.
Kyphophobia- Fear of stooping.
L-
Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables.
Laliophobia or Lalophobia- Fear of speaking.
Leprophobia or Lepraphobia- Fear of leprosy.
Leukophobia- Fear of the color white.
Levophobia- Fear of things to the left side of the body.
Ligyrophobia- Fear of loud noises.
Lilapsophobia- Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
Limnophobia- Fear of lakes.
Linonophobia- Fear of string.
Liticaphobia- Fear of lawsuits.
Lockiophobia- Fear of childbirth.
Logizomechanophobia- Fear of computers.
Logophobia- Fear of words.
Luiphobia- Fear of lues, syphillis.
Lutraphobia- Fear of otters.
Lygophobia- Fear of darkness.
Lyssophobia- Fear of rabies or of becoming mad.
M-
Macrophobia- Fear of long waits.
Mageirocophobia- Fear of cooking.
Maieusiophobia- Fear of childbirth.
Malaxophobia- Fear of love play. (Sarmassophobia)
Maniaphobia- Fear of insanity.
Mastigophobia- Fear of punishment.
Mechanophobia- Fear of machines.
Medomalacuphobia- Fear of losing an erection.
Medorthophobia- Fear of an erect penis.
Megalophobia- Fear of large things.
Melissophobia- Fear of bees.
Melanophobia- Fear of the color black.
Melophobia- Fear or hatred of music.
Meningitophobia- Fear of brain disease.
Menophobia- Fear of menstruation.
Merinthophobia- Fear of being bound or tied up.
Metallophobia- Fear of metal.
Metathesiophobia- Fear of changes.
Meteorophobia- Fear of meteors.
Methyphobia- Fear of alcohol.
Metrophobia- Fear or hatred of poetry.
Microbiophobia- Fear of microbes. (Bacillophobia)
Microphobia- Fear of small things.
Misophobia or Mysophobia- Fear of being contaminated with dirt or germs.
Mnemophobia- Fear of memories.
Molysmophobia or Molysomophobia- Fear of dirt or contamination.
Monophobia- Fear of solitude or being alone.
Monopathophobia- Fear of definite disease.
Motorphobia- Fear of automobiles.
Mottephobia- Fear of moths.
Musophobia or Muriphobia- Fear of mice.
Mycophobia- Fear or aversion to mushrooms.
Mycrophobia- Fear of small things.
Myctophobia- Fear of darkness.
Myrmecophobia- Fear of ants.
Mythophobia- Fear of myths or stories or false statements.
Myxophobia- Fear of slime. (Blennophobia)
N-
Nebulaphobia- Fear of fog. (Homichlophobia)
Necrophobia- Fear of death or dead things.
Nelophobia- Fear of glass.
Neopharmaphobia- Fear of new drugs.
Neophobia- Fear of anything new.
Nephophobia- Fear of clouds.
Noctiphobia- Fear of the night.
Nomatophobia- Fear of names.
Nosocomephobia- Fear of hospitals.
Nosophobia or Nosemaphobia- Fear of becoming ill.
Nostophobia- Fear of returning home.
Novercaphobia- Fear of your step-mother.
Nucleomituphobia- Fear of nuclear weapons.
Nudophobia- Fear of nudity.
Numerophobia- Fear of numbers.
Nyctohylophobia- Fear of dark wooded areas or of forests at night
Nyctophobia- Fear of the dark or of night.
O-
Obesophobia- Fear of gaining weight.(Pocrescophobia)
Ochlophobia- Fear of crowds or mobs.
Ochophobia- Fear of vehicles.
Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8.
Odontophobia- Fear of teeth or dental surgery.
Odynophobia or Odynephobia- Fear of pain. (Algophobia)
Oenophobia- Fear of wines.
Oikophobia- Fear of home surroundings, house.(Domatophobia, Eicophobia)
Olfactophobia- Fear of smells.
Ombrophobia- Fear of rain or of being rained on.
Ommetaphobia or Ommatophobia- Fear of eyes.
Oneirophobia- Fear of dreams.
Oneirogmophobia- Fear of wet dreams.
Onomatophobia- Fear of hearing a certain word or of names.
Ophidiophobia- Fear of snakes. (Snakephobia)
Ophthalmophobia- Fear of being stared at.
Opiophobia- Fear medical doctors experience of prescribing needed pain medications for patients.
Optophobia- Fear of opening one's eyes.
Ornithophobia- Fear of birds.
Orthophobia- Fear of property.
Osmophobia or Osphresiophobia- Fear of smells or odors.
Ostraconophobia- Fear of shellfish.
Ouranophobia or Uranophobia- Fear of heaven.
P-
Pagophobia- Fear of ice or frost.
Panthophobia- Fear of suffering and disease.
Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.
Papaphobia- Fear of the Pope.
Papyrophobia- Fear of paper.
Paralipophobia- Fear of neglecting duty or responsibility.
Paraphobia- Fear of sexual perversion.
Parasitophobia- Fear of parasites.
Paraskavedekatriaphobia- Fear of Friday the 13th.
Parthenophobia- Fear of virgins or young girls.
Pathophobia- Fear of disease.
Patroiophobia- Fear of heredity.
Parturiphobia- Fear of childbirth.
Peccatophobia- Fear of sinning or imaginary crimes.
Pediculophobia- Fear of lice.
Pediophobia- Fear of dolls.
Pedophobia- Fear of children.
Peladophobia- Fear of bald people.
Pellagrophobia- Fear of pellagra.
Peniaphobia- Fear of poverty.
Pentheraphobia- Fear of mother-in-law. (Novercaphobia)
Phagophobia- Fear of swallowing or of eating or of being eaten.
Phalacrophobia- Fear of becoming bald.
Phallophobia- Fear of a penis, esp erect.
Pharmacophobia- Fear of taking medicine.
Phasmophobia- Fear of ghosts.
Phengophobia- Fear of daylight or sunshine.
Philemaphobia or Philematophobia- Fear of kissing.
Philophobia- Fear of falling in love or being in love.
Philosophobia- Fear of philosophy.
Phobophobia- Fear of phobias.
Photoaugliaphobia- Fear of glaring lights.
Photophobia- Fear of light.
Phonophobia- Fear of noises or voices or one's own voice; of telephones.
Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking.
Phthiriophobia- Fear of lice. (Pediculophobia)
Phthisiophobia- Fear of tuberculosis.
Placophobia- Fear of tombstones.
Plutophobia- Fear of wealth.
Pluviophobia- Fear of rain or of being rained on.
Pneumatiphobia- Fear of spirits.
Pnigophobia or Pnigerophobia- Fear of choking of being smothered.
Pocrescophobia- Fear of gaining weight. (Obesophobia)
Pogonophobia- Fear of beards.
Poliosophobia- Fear of contracting poliomyelitis.
Politicophobia- Fear or abnormal dislike of politicians.
Polyphobia- Fear of many things.
Poinephobia- Fear of punishment.
Ponophobia- Fear of overworking or of pain.
Porphyrophobia- Fear of the color purple.
Potamophobia- Fear of rivers or running water.
Potophobia- Fear of alcohol.
Pharmacophobia- Fear of drugs.
Proctophobia- Fear of rectums.
Prosophobia- Fear of progress.
Psellismophobia- Fear of stuttering.
Psychophobia- Fear of mind.
Psychrophobia- Fear of cold.
Pteromerhanophobia- Fear of flying.
Pteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathers.
Pupaphobia - Fear of puppets.
Pyrexiophobia- Fear of Fever.
Pyrophobia- Fear of fire.
Q-
R-
Radiophobia- Fear of radiation, x-rays.
Ranidaphobia- Fear of frogs.
Rectophobia- Fear of rectum or rectal diseases.
Rhabdophobia- Fear of being severely punished or beaten by a rod, or of being severely criticized. Also fear of magic.(wand)
Rhypophobia- Fear of defecation.
Rhytiphobia- Fear of getting wrinkles.
Rupophobia- Fear of dirt.
Russophobia- Fear of Russians.
S-
Samhainophobia: Fear of Halloween.
Sarmassophobia- Fear of love play. (Malaxophobia)
Satanophobia- Fear of Satan.
Scabiophobia- Fear of scabies.
Scatophobia- Fear of fecal matter.
Scelerophibia- Fear of bad men, burglars.
Sciophobia Sciaphobia- Fear of shadows.
Scoleciphobia- Fear of worms.
Scolionophobia- Fear of school.
Scopophobia or Scoptophobia- Fear of being seen or stared at.
Scotomaphobia- Fear of blindness in visual field.
Scotophobia- Fear of darkness. (Achluophobia)
Scriptophobia- Fear of writing in public.
Selachophobia- Fear of sharks.
Selaphobia- Fear of light flashes.
Selenophobia- Fear of the moon.
Seplophobia- Fear of decaying matter.
Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words.
Sexophobia- Fear of the opposite sex. (Heterophobia)
Siderodromophobia- Fear of trains, railroads or train travel.
Siderophobia- Fear of stars.
Sinistrophobia- Fear of things to the left or left-handed.
Sinophobia- Fear of Chinese, Chinese culture.
Sitophobia or Sitiophobia- Fear of food or eating. (Cibophobia)
Snakephobia- Fear of snakes. (Ophidiophobia)
Soceraphobia- Fear of parents-in-law.
Social Phobia- Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations.
Sociophobia- Fear of society or people in general.
Somniphobia- Fear of sleep.
Sophophobia- Fear of learning.
Soteriophobia - Fear of dependence on others.
Spacephobia- Fear of outer space.
Spectrophobia- Fear of specters or ghosts.
Spermatophobia or Spermophobia- Fear of germs.
Spheksophobia- Fear of wasps.
Stasibasiphobia or Stasiphobia- Fear of standing or walking. (Ambulophobia)
Staurophobia- Fear of crosses or the crucifix.
Stenophobia- Fear of narrow things or places.
Stygiophobia or Stigiophobia- Fear of hell.
Suriphobia- Fear of mice.
Symbolophobia- Fear of symbolism.
Symmetrophobia- Fear of symmetry.
Syngenesophobia- Fear of relatives.
Syphilophobia- Fear of syphilis.
T-
Tachophobia- Fear of speed.
Taeniophobia or Teniophobia- Fear of tapeworms.
Taphephobia Taphophobia- Fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries.
Tapinophobia- Fear of being contagious.
Taurophobia- Fear of bulls.
Technophobia- Fear of technology.
Teleophobia- 1) Fear of definite plans. 2) Religious ceremony.
Telephonophobia- Fear of telephones.
Teratophobia- Fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people.
Testophobia- Fear of taking tests.
Tetanophobia- Fear of lockjaw, tetanus.
Teutophobia- Fear of German or German things.
Textophobia- Fear of certain fabrics.
Thaasophobia- Fear of sitting.
Thalassophobia- Fear of the sea.
Thanatophobia or Thantophobia- Fear of death or dying.
Theatrophobia- Fear of theatres.
Theologicophobia- Fear of theology.
Theophobia- Fear of gods or religion.
Thermophobia- Fear of heat.
Tocophobia- Fear of pregnancy or childbirth.
Tomophobia- Fear of surgical operations.
Tonitrophobia- Fear of thunder.
Topophobia- Fear of certain places or situations, such as stage fright.
Toxiphobia or Toxophobia or Toxicophobia- Fear of poison or of being accidently poisoned.
Traumatophobia- Fear of injury.
Tremophobia- Fear of trembling.
Trichinophobia- Fear of trichinosis.
Trichopathophobia or Trichophobia- Fear of hair. (Chaetophobia, Hypertrichophobia)
Triskaidekaphobia- Fear of the number 13.
Tropophobia- Fear of moving or making changes.
Trypanophobia- Fear of injections.
Tuberculophobia- Fear of tuberculosis.
Tyrannophobia- Fear of tyrants.
U-
Uranophobia or Ouranophobia- Fear of heaven.
Urophobia- Fear of urine or urinating.
V-
Vaccinophobia- Fear of vaccination.
Venustraphobia- Fear of beautiful women.
Verbophobia- Fear of words.
Verminophobia- Fear of germs.
Vestiphobia- Fear of clothing.
Virginitiphobia- Fear of rape.
Vitricophobia- Fear of step-father.
W-
Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons.
Wiccaphobia: Fear of witches and witchcraft.
X-
Xanthophobia- Fear of the color yellow or the word yellow.
Xenoglossophobia- Fear of foreign languages.
Xenophobia- Fear of strangers or foreigners.
Xerophobia- Fear of dryness.
Xylophobia- 1) Fear of wooden objects. 2) Forests.
Xyrophobia-Fear of razors.
Y-
Z-
Zelophobia- Fear of jealousy.
Zeusophobia- Fear of God or gods.
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat.
Zoophobia- Fear of animals.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Signs
Hotel:
We need inn-experienced people.
Vet:
Back in five minutes. Sit! Stay!
Funeral home:
Drive carefully, we'll wait.
Computer shop:
Out for a quick byte.
We need inn-experienced people.
Vet:
Back in five minutes. Sit! Stay!
Funeral home:
Drive carefully, we'll wait.
Computer shop:
Out for a quick byte.
A little goes a long way
If you yell for eight years, seven months and six days, you produce enough sound energy to heat a cup of coffee.
If you fart consistently for six years and nine months, enough gas is produces to creat an atomic bomb.
The human heart creats enough pressure to squirt blood 10 metres.
A cockroach can live nine days after being beheaded before starving to death.
Banging your head against the wall uses 150 calories an hour.
The flea can jump 350 times its body length, which is like the human jumping six football fields.
If you fart consistently for six years and nine months, enough gas is produces to creat an atomic bomb.
The human heart creats enough pressure to squirt blood 10 metres.
A cockroach can live nine days after being beheaded before starving to death.
Banging your head against the wall uses 150 calories an hour.
The flea can jump 350 times its body length, which is like the human jumping six football fields.
Adding injury to insult
Noel Coward (to a not-so-pretty actress): You almost look like a man.
Edna: So do you.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: I'm a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Groucho Marx: I had a wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Woman 1: I married a lawyer, and an honest man.
Woman 2: Isn't that bigamy?
Dinner partner: Mr Churchill, you're drunk.
Winston Chirchill: You, Madam, are ugly. But I'll be sober in the morning.
Winston Churchill: He has all the virtues I despise and none of the vices I admire.
"He's the only man I know who has rubber pockets so he can steal soup."
"He's a fine friend: he stabs you from the front."
"Here lies my wife,
Here let her lie;
Now she's at rest,
And so am I."
Edna: So do you.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: I'm a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Groucho Marx: I had a wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Woman 1: I married a lawyer, and an honest man.
Woman 2: Isn't that bigamy?
Dinner partner: Mr Churchill, you're drunk.
Winston Chirchill: You, Madam, are ugly. But I'll be sober in the morning.
Winston Churchill: He has all the virtues I despise and none of the vices I admire.
"He's the only man I know who has rubber pockets so he can steal soup."
"He's a fine friend: he stabs you from the front."
"Here lies my wife,
Here let her lie;
Now she's at rest,
And so am I."
Friday, August 19, 2005
I swear!
How ironic that though swearing is a sin, many swear words contain references to God. Even something as innocuous as "Goodbye" is a derivative of the archaic sign-off "God be with ye".
Crikey; Jeepers Creepers - References to Jesus Christ
Cor blimey - God blind me!
Omigosh - Oh my God!
Holy cow; Holy mackerel; Holy guacamole - I have no idea how why they beatified the bovine, anointed the angler's choice, or glorified the gourmet bean paste
Sacre bleu (French) - sacred blue, meaning sacred heavens, or Good heavens!
What the heck; What the hell; What the fish - The first two are derived from heaven's counterpart, which might explain why they're slightly more popular. The last one is derived from a word I'd rather not say, but it rhymes with "duck".
Darn; Dang - Call a spade a spade: It's derived from Damn.
Crikey; Jeepers Creepers - References to Jesus Christ
Cor blimey - God blind me!
Omigosh - Oh my God!
Holy cow; Holy mackerel; Holy guacamole - I have no idea how why they beatified the bovine, anointed the angler's choice, or glorified the gourmet bean paste
Sacre bleu (French) - sacred blue, meaning sacred heavens, or Good heavens!
What the heck; What the hell; What the fish - The first two are derived from heaven's counterpart, which might explain why they're slightly more popular. The last one is derived from a word I'd rather not say, but it rhymes with "duck".
Darn; Dang - Call a spade a spade: It's derived from Damn.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Play for Your Club!
http://www.playforyourclub.com/play20.php?97112
Be a top Premier League striker! Rooney, van Nistelrooy, Henry et al! Even Jason Roberts!
My high score is 99550.
Be a top Premier League striker! Rooney, van Nistelrooy, Henry et al! Even Jason Roberts!
My high score is 99550.
Pool!
Had a good game of 9-ball pool with Ben, Julian, Lianbin and Hung at Pool Factor, Bukit Timah Shopping Centre. Nice of Weepoh to give us all a lift in his white Mitsubishi Lancer. We spent four hours (1830-2230hrs) there including dinner, at $4.80/hr cecause we're NSFs (though not for long).
Spent the time playing everyone as we had five people and two tables, and practised potting with english, one-rail kicks and safeties.
Broke for dinner at Al Azhar Restaurant and basically whack everything on the menu: Chicken murtabak, cheese prata, Planta prata, plain prata, mee goreng washed down with ice koi cino and Milo peng.
Then went back for more pool. Kinda screwed up by people drilling in the floor underneath and the balls getting stuck in the pocket, but still a successful excursion. Until I realised the time and had to rush them all off as I had to catch EPL Highlights at 2300hrs! Shared cab with them to camp and took it from there. Reached home at 2310hrs just after Rooey and Ruud had scored. Oh well.
And I'm still stuck on that pool book Ben lent me. Have photocopied the whole thing on kick and bank shots. One rail, two rails, three rails and more!
Spent the time playing everyone as we had five people and two tables, and practised potting with english, one-rail kicks and safeties.
Broke for dinner at Al Azhar Restaurant and basically whack everything on the menu: Chicken murtabak, cheese prata, Planta prata, plain prata, mee goreng washed down with ice koi cino and Milo peng.
Then went back for more pool. Kinda screwed up by people drilling in the floor underneath and the balls getting stuck in the pocket, but still a successful excursion. Until I realised the time and had to rush them all off as I had to catch EPL Highlights at 2300hrs! Shared cab with them to camp and took it from there. Reached home at 2310hrs just after Rooey and Ruud had scored. Oh well.
And I'm still stuck on that pool book Ben lent me. Have photocopied the whole thing on kick and bank shots. One rail, two rails, three rails and more!
Monday, August 15, 2005
No friendly wagers anyone?
OK if any Liverpool/Arsenal fan finishes above me, I will personally wear a Liverpool/Arsenal jersey for one day. You have to provide it though.
If a Man Utd fan finishes above me, then I celebrate with you and will gladly lend you my jersey for you to wear.
If you're a Newcastle/Chelsea fan, sorry you're off my radar. All disrespect intended.
However, if you're a Real Madrid fan, welcome to the league, but all bets are off, since your heart isn't with the EPL. Just kidding. =]
Let this message be black and white come the end of this season. United for the trophy! The rest for atrophy!
If a Man Utd fan finishes above me, then I celebrate with you and will gladly lend you my jersey for you to wear.
If you're a Newcastle/Chelsea fan, sorry you're off my radar. All disrespect intended.
However, if you're a Real Madrid fan, welcome to the league, but all bets are off, since your heart isn't with the EPL. Just kidding. =]
Let this message be black and white come the end of this season. United for the trophy! The rest for atrophy!
Week 1: Yahoo Fantasy Football
Well done all!
Week 1 has just passed so don't forget to change your Week 2 team by Sat 20 Aug 7pm.
Aaron (135 pts) takes top place with a couple of fortunate gambles on Matthew Etherington, Nigel Reo-Coker and Kevin Phillips. He might not be so lucky next time.
Clarence (92 pts) and Amos (88 pts) take second and third place respectively with some loyal choices, seeing how they're Liverpool die-hards.
Jasmine props up the table, bacause... wll because she forgot to set her team. Sigh. No complete team means 0 points, so take note guys.
Keh is next with 31 points. But this being his maiden season, let's cut him some slack. After all, I stand to gain Tongkat Ali coffee powder! FYI, Wayne Bridge is injured, and Sunderland do NOT have a good defence. Plain bad luck with the rest of the choices.
See you next week!
Week 1 has just passed so don't forget to change your Week 2 team by Sat 20 Aug 7pm.
Aaron (135 pts) takes top place with a couple of fortunate gambles on Matthew Etherington, Nigel Reo-Coker and Kevin Phillips. He might not be so lucky next time.
Clarence (92 pts) and Amos (88 pts) take second and third place respectively with some loyal choices, seeing how they're Liverpool die-hards.
Jasmine props up the table, bacause... wll because she forgot to set her team. Sigh. No complete team means 0 points, so take note guys.
Keh is next with 31 points. But this being his maiden season, let's cut him some slack. After all, I stand to gain Tongkat Ali coffee powder! FYI, Wayne Bridge is injured, and Sunderland do NOT have a good defence. Plain bad luck with the rest of the choices.
See you next week!
Credit Card Survey (Face-to-face): Project Lonely Planet - Earn $30!
Hi Guys/Gals,
Please note that this invitation is also open to people you know.
Interviews will be conducted at Acorn's main office in Field Department 4th Floor, 241, River Valley Road, or any location of your convenience. The interview is expected to take 30min.
Take note: There are THREE criteria for this interview:
1. You TRAVEL FREQUENTLY in the ASIA PACIFIC REGION including CHINA for either leisure or business purposes.
2. You are a GOLD CREDIT CARD HOLDER AND ABOVE of CITIBANK (excluding Supplementary Card).
3. You are between 21-50 YEARS OLD.
Incentive: $30 if interview is conducted at Acorn's office, $15 if interview is conducted at a place of your convenience.
If you fulfil the above criteria (or know someone who does), email me your NAME, CONTACT NUMBER, AGE and GENDER and you can expect to receive a call from us soon. You can then arrange a convenient time and place to meet us.
Feel free to refer friends or relatives interested in this survey. It's an easy way to make a quick, legal buck.
Look forward to hear from you soon! Please note that registration closes on 15 Aug 05!
Thanks,
Aaron
Please note that this invitation is also open to people you know.
Interviews will be conducted at Acorn's main office in Field Department 4th Floor, 241, River Valley Road, or any location of your convenience. The interview is expected to take 30min.
Take note: There are THREE criteria for this interview:
1. You TRAVEL FREQUENTLY in the ASIA PACIFIC REGION including CHINA for either leisure or business purposes.
2. You are a GOLD CREDIT CARD HOLDER AND ABOVE of CITIBANK (excluding Supplementary Card).
3. You are between 21-50 YEARS OLD.
Incentive: $30 if interview is conducted at Acorn's office, $15 if interview is conducted at a place of your convenience.
If you fulfil the above criteria (or know someone who does), email me your NAME, CONTACT NUMBER, AGE and GENDER and you can expect to receive a call from us soon. You can then arrange a convenient time and place to meet us.
Feel free to refer friends or relatives interested in this survey. It's an easy way to make a quick, legal buck.
Look forward to hear from you soon! Please note that registration closes on 15 Aug 05!
Thanks,
Aaron
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Fantasy Football Week 1
OK I hope this will be a regular thing where I post my team and rationale for choosing them, for the benefit for those new to the game.
I base my teams heavily on their opposition, TeamTalk's suggestion's, but mostly gut instinct. I also don't choose Man Utd's opponents.
This is my team for Week 1. No Henry or Lampard or Terry or Cech, as together they'd already make up 70% of my budget. Instead, it's a budget-friendly team. For the first week, try to pick players that did not play last season e.g. Crespo, Park Ji Sung, Del Horno, the promoted teams, as their values are dirt cheap. Goals are 10 points this season, inclusive of a shot on goal. Clean sheets are 5 points. Personally I fabour 3-4-3 for my formation, as I consider strikers the best bet for points. Buy defenders primarily on the strength of the defensive unit and the opposition, as this normally overrides the defender's independent scoring potential.
Didier Drogba
Chelsea are facing promoted Wigan and the Ivorian is likely to start after his brace against Arsenal. I expect him to get good service no matter who the midfielders are, and Wigan may have their hands full dealing with the powerful Drogba.
One assist, but a largely ineffectual game. He's a Mourinho favourite, so I might keep him.
Djibril Cisse
It was a toss up between Cisse and Morientes but I'm going for speed against Boro's experienced backline. With Liverpool away, a counter-attacking game would suit Benitez and Cisse very well. I expect Cisse to test Schwarzer fully.
Just heard he isn't in the starting lineup as Benitez is playing one-up. Let's hope Liverpool need him to come on.
Kevin Phillips
This one I'm not so sure. However, traditionally Villa are always good at home, and with Berger and Solano supplying crosses, Phillips might get a few chances. He has something to prove after last season with Southampton.
Spot on! Wasn't too sure about it, but Phillips came up with a goal an assist in a match where Villa weren't all that good.
Laurent Robert
He takes all the free kicks and corners and has more crosses than Constantine. Tottenham have impressed pre-season but could be shocked by a new-look Pompey. Expect one of Robert's crosses to be pinged in.
A poor Pompey performance, but Robert had 3 SOTs, so not too bad an individual performance.
Matthew Etherington
I based this choice on hearsay that he was on fire last season for WHUFC. Having played for Spurs before, Etherington is not new to the Premiership, and is a wiser player now.
In retrospect a huge risk, seeing how it was WHUFC's first Premiership match, but a goal and an assist justified his selection. West Ham has balls and Etherington proved it.
Cristiano Ronaldo
This is the gut feel I was talking about. I picked Ronaldo because I couldn't afford Ruud or Rooney, so Ronnie will have to do. I expect him to provide the ammo for United's in-form strikers. With his cross- and shot-rate, I just need one to go in.
So much for gut feel. He's the only one of United's three Rs that didn't play nor score.
Trevor Sinclair
Man City seem to have made some quality close season signings, but it could be one of the old guard who could impress. No longer overshadowed by SWP, Sinclair could impress and add to his England cap collection this season, beginning with WBA.
Quiet game. Might not pick him again soon.
Asier del Horno
Yes you can hear the snickering Ah Bengs already, but he may have the last laugh. Priced at a measly 5 units, the horny one has impressed preseason, and may have done enough to put him ahead of Gallas and Bridge for the left-back slot. Free clean sheet.
About that free clean sheet, that's four points in the bag. Add assorted tackles, clearances, crosses, interceptions, fouls won, and you've got yourself good valur for five units.
Kolo Toure
With Campbell injured, I still fancy Arsenal to get a clean sheet against a toothless Newcastle. Toure has better stats than Senderos, and is slightly cheaper. No brainer there.
Clean sheet + two SOTs. At least 10 points there.
Nigel Reo-Coker
The West Ham actually plays attacking midfield, but has been mislabelled a defender. Yahoo's loss, my gain. He is this year's Quinton Fortune, earning clean sheets and attacking points as well. A manager's dream.
Fantastic choice. Energetic attacking midfielder that could produce many chances for Harewood, Sheringham, Zamora etc. Hope he can cement a place in my team.
Edwin van der Sar
The answer to our goalkeeping woes? Perhaps not. But I still fancy him to keep a clean sheet, with planty of work to do against the aerial bombardment of Cahill, Ferguson, Beattie et al.
Yes! Saved United on a few occasions and played well. He's a first choice in my team from now on.
I base my teams heavily on their opposition, TeamTalk's suggestion's, but mostly gut instinct. I also don't choose Man Utd's opponents.
This is my team for Week 1. No Henry or Lampard or Terry or Cech, as together they'd already make up 70% of my budget. Instead, it's a budget-friendly team. For the first week, try to pick players that did not play last season e.g. Crespo, Park Ji Sung, Del Horno, the promoted teams, as their values are dirt cheap. Goals are 10 points this season, inclusive of a shot on goal. Clean sheets are 5 points. Personally I fabour 3-4-3 for my formation, as I consider strikers the best bet for points. Buy defenders primarily on the strength of the defensive unit and the opposition, as this normally overrides the defender's independent scoring potential.
Didier Drogba
Chelsea are facing promoted Wigan and the Ivorian is likely to start after his brace against Arsenal. I expect him to get good service no matter who the midfielders are, and Wigan may have their hands full dealing with the powerful Drogba.
One assist, but a largely ineffectual game. He's a Mourinho favourite, so I might keep him.
Djibril Cisse
It was a toss up between Cisse and Morientes but I'm going for speed against Boro's experienced backline. With Liverpool away, a counter-attacking game would suit Benitez and Cisse very well. I expect Cisse to test Schwarzer fully.
Just heard he isn't in the starting lineup as Benitez is playing one-up. Let's hope Liverpool need him to come on.
Kevin Phillips
This one I'm not so sure. However, traditionally Villa are always good at home, and with Berger and Solano supplying crosses, Phillips might get a few chances. He has something to prove after last season with Southampton.
Spot on! Wasn't too sure about it, but Phillips came up with a goal an assist in a match where Villa weren't all that good.
Laurent Robert
He takes all the free kicks and corners and has more crosses than Constantine. Tottenham have impressed pre-season but could be shocked by a new-look Pompey. Expect one of Robert's crosses to be pinged in.
A poor Pompey performance, but Robert had 3 SOTs, so not too bad an individual performance.
Matthew Etherington
I based this choice on hearsay that he was on fire last season for WHUFC. Having played for Spurs before, Etherington is not new to the Premiership, and is a wiser player now.
In retrospect a huge risk, seeing how it was WHUFC's first Premiership match, but a goal and an assist justified his selection. West Ham has balls and Etherington proved it.
Cristiano Ronaldo
This is the gut feel I was talking about. I picked Ronaldo because I couldn't afford Ruud or Rooney, so Ronnie will have to do. I expect him to provide the ammo for United's in-form strikers. With his cross- and shot-rate, I just need one to go in.
So much for gut feel. He's the only one of United's three Rs that didn't play nor score.
Trevor Sinclair
Man City seem to have made some quality close season signings, but it could be one of the old guard who could impress. No longer overshadowed by SWP, Sinclair could impress and add to his England cap collection this season, beginning with WBA.
Quiet game. Might not pick him again soon.
Asier del Horno
Yes you can hear the snickering Ah Bengs already, but he may have the last laugh. Priced at a measly 5 units, the horny one has impressed preseason, and may have done enough to put him ahead of Gallas and Bridge for the left-back slot. Free clean sheet.
About that free clean sheet, that's four points in the bag. Add assorted tackles, clearances, crosses, interceptions, fouls won, and you've got yourself good valur for five units.
Kolo Toure
With Campbell injured, I still fancy Arsenal to get a clean sheet against a toothless Newcastle. Toure has better stats than Senderos, and is slightly cheaper. No brainer there.
Clean sheet + two SOTs. At least 10 points there.
Nigel Reo-Coker
The West Ham actually plays attacking midfield, but has been mislabelled a defender. Yahoo's loss, my gain. He is this year's Quinton Fortune, earning clean sheets and attacking points as well. A manager's dream.
Fantastic choice. Energetic attacking midfielder that could produce many chances for Harewood, Sheringham, Zamora etc. Hope he can cement a place in my team.
Edwin van der Sar
The answer to our goalkeeping woes? Perhaps not. But I still fancy him to keep a clean sheet, with planty of work to do against the aerial bombardment of Cahill, Ferguson, Beattie et al.
Yes! Saved United on a few occasions and played well. He's a first choice in my team from now on.
Old vs Young
Watched our guys play soccer today: Old vs Young
Well it was sort of a mix, but it was fun seeing fitness vs skill (something like that).
Me? I was sitting by the sideline, and i really can't wait to play again. Hopefully next week, but I know of two people for starters who wouldn't allow it. Well, let's see how I feel.
The game went well, but goals were hard to come by. In the end there were three teams of eight people each, and each game lasted 10 minutes.
It was really difficult to score thanks to a small field, smaller goalposts, big defenders and bigger egos.
Finally there was a little skirmish between Ben and Jianliang. It's all water under the bridge now though. I know Ben isn't that sort of person, so I guess something just snapped. As for Jianliang, not really his fault as his abrasive style is just his nature.
Enjoyed myself but was soon itchy. How to play next week?
Above-30s vs Under-30s: The real thing. And I don't mean waist inches. Hope I can make it! =]
Well it was sort of a mix, but it was fun seeing fitness vs skill (something like that).
Me? I was sitting by the sideline, and i really can't wait to play again. Hopefully next week, but I know of two people for starters who wouldn't allow it. Well, let's see how I feel.
The game went well, but goals were hard to come by. In the end there were three teams of eight people each, and each game lasted 10 minutes.
It was really difficult to score thanks to a small field, smaller goalposts, big defenders and bigger egos.
Finally there was a little skirmish between Ben and Jianliang. It's all water under the bridge now though. I know Ben isn't that sort of person, so I guess something just snapped. As for Jianliang, not really his fault as his abrasive style is just his nature.
Enjoyed myself but was soon itchy. How to play next week?
Above-30s vs Under-30s: The real thing. And I don't mean waist inches. Hope I can make it! =]
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Steven Wright's quotes
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates."
His mind sees things differently than we do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some more of his gems:
1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average.
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
9- All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!
His mind sees things differently than we do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some more of his gems:
1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average.
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
9- All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!
Friday, August 12, 2005
Is this guy for real?
A Chan Y Leong wrote in to The New Paper with a suggestion to redesign our state flag. What planet is he from? His reasons are at best nonsensical, and I suspect he's one of those who get something so nonsensical published to get people to wonder if he's for real. Which is what I'm wondering.
"I think it is time we redesigned our national flag.
Other countries have done so, including Russia, UK and the US. [Aaron: Have they? I only recall them doing so because of the breakup of the Soviet Union, the formation of 50 states for the former, and I don't recall UK overlaying the Scottish flag with the St George's Cross recently.]
The design of our flag was good for the early days of nationhood but it should be changed to reflect our modernity. [Further change to reflect change: always a good reason.]
First, the red and white are too similar to those on the Indonesian flag. Viewed from afar without the aid of binoculars, one can be misled. [In that case, Poland and Monaco are in for a sea change too. You'd be misled if you didn't know what country you were in. This is like asking officers' shoulder-boards on the No 4 to be changed to yellow so we corporals know how to greet them. Who could be bothered?]
The half moon crescent on our flag can make others think that we are an Islamic nation when we are multicultural and multi-religious. [All the better that we are at peace with our Muslim neighbours then. But maybe we should include Buddha, a cross, and a Hindu symbol to make everyone happy. Never mind that it is just a SYMBOL that has been clearly explained. Why not we swap with Indonesia? That way they have the crescent and we don't.]
The five stars standing for various virtues are passe. [Values are transcendental and are NEVER passe. What do you want to reflect our modernity? Five cars arising out of the stormy CTE?]
Hanging the flag the proper way has sometimes been a problem, and some people have indeed done this wrongly. [Then it's a people problem, not a flag problem.]
The new design should be such that the flag still looks right whichever way one hangs it. The British, Japanese, Israeli and Vietnamese all have flags which address this. [Gee, symmetry, such a key issue! If symmetry is criteria for a state flag, USA better get scared.]"
This guy is nuts.
"I think it is time we redesigned our national flag.
Other countries have done so, including Russia, UK and the US. [Aaron: Have they? I only recall them doing so because of the breakup of the Soviet Union, the formation of 50 states for the former, and I don't recall UK overlaying the Scottish flag with the St George's Cross recently.]
The design of our flag was good for the early days of nationhood but it should be changed to reflect our modernity. [Further change to reflect change: always a good reason.]
First, the red and white are too similar to those on the Indonesian flag. Viewed from afar without the aid of binoculars, one can be misled. [In that case, Poland and Monaco are in for a sea change too. You'd be misled if you didn't know what country you were in. This is like asking officers' shoulder-boards on the No 4 to be changed to yellow so we corporals know how to greet them. Who could be bothered?]
The half moon crescent on our flag can make others think that we are an Islamic nation when we are multicultural and multi-religious. [All the better that we are at peace with our Muslim neighbours then. But maybe we should include Buddha, a cross, and a Hindu symbol to make everyone happy. Never mind that it is just a SYMBOL that has been clearly explained. Why not we swap with Indonesia? That way they have the crescent and we don't.]
The five stars standing for various virtues are passe. [Values are transcendental and are NEVER passe. What do you want to reflect our modernity? Five cars arising out of the stormy CTE?]
Hanging the flag the proper way has sometimes been a problem, and some people have indeed done this wrongly. [Then it's a people problem, not a flag problem.]
The new design should be such that the flag still looks right whichever way one hangs it. The British, Japanese, Israeli and Vietnamese all have flags which address this. [Gee, symmetry, such a key issue! If symmetry is criteria for a state flag, USA better get scared.]"
This guy is nuts.
Verbosity & Bombast
There are many cases of too many words spoiling the truth and below are some of them.
It is frequent to see PR firms use the following spiel when acknowledging customer feedback:
"We would like to take this opportunity to thank Mr Chan for his valuable feedback." (15 words)
Instead, why not use this?
"We thank Mr Chan for his feedback."
As a general rule, don't make someone read 10 words when five will convey the same meaning.
Here are more common examples:
because of the fact that - because
in the event that - if
each and every individual - each person
the vast majority of - most
the question as to whether - whether
an increasing number of - more
Here is an extreme example:
Aberration is the hallmark of Homo Sapiens while longanimous placability and condonation are the indicia of supermundane omniscience.
simply means:
To err is human; to forgive is divine.
KISS: Keep It Simple, Stoopid
It is frequent to see PR firms use the following spiel when acknowledging customer feedback:
"We would like to take this opportunity to thank Mr Chan for his valuable feedback." (15 words)
Instead, why not use this?
"We thank Mr Chan for his feedback."
As a general rule, don't make someone read 10 words when five will convey the same meaning.
Here are more common examples:
because of the fact that - because
in the event that - if
each and every individual - each person
the vast majority of - most
the question as to whether - whether
an increasing number of - more
Here is an extreme example:
Aberration is the hallmark of Homo Sapiens while longanimous placability and condonation are the indicia of supermundane omniscience.
simply means:
To err is human; to forgive is divine.
KISS: Keep It Simple, Stoopid
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Quick-start guide to pocket billiards: World champion techniques for improving your game
I read: Mizerak, S., Laurance, E., & Forsyth, J. (2004). Quick-start guide to pocket billiards: World champion techniques for improving your game. Chicago, IL: Contemporary Books.
Used to be crazy about pool during Poly. Having lost all my form, this might be a good place to start.
Used to be crazy about pool during Poly. Having lost all my form, this might be a good place to start.
Sin
The reason why even as Christians why we confer a value to the seriousness of sin is due to the human desire for justice. Punishment is meted out according the how heinous a crime is. The punishment for fighting, for example, is much less severe than smiting someone from the face of the earth. Yet God says that no sin is more serious than another. Does this mean that all sins should be punished equally? That a murderer and a spitter should both hang, or just be fined $500?
Not so. That is just the human mind extrapolating the Word of God to suit the human justice system. Instead, I surmise that the system we have, though imperfect, is adequate. Why? Because ultimate justice is not for us or the courts to decide, nor is it the time to decide. On Judgment Day, all will be made plain, and no one can say they didn't have their day in court. On that day, a sin called by any other name is still a sin, and a sinner likewise is just as culpable.
Let us Christians not be preoccupied with justice here on earth, but rather to give everyone the opportunity to be represented by the greatest defence attorney, Jesus Christ, who can boast free services and a 100% success rate.
Not so. That is just the human mind extrapolating the Word of God to suit the human justice system. Instead, I surmise that the system we have, though imperfect, is adequate. Why? Because ultimate justice is not for us or the courts to decide, nor is it the time to decide. On Judgment Day, all will be made plain, and no one can say they didn't have their day in court. On that day, a sin called by any other name is still a sin, and a sinner likewise is just as culpable.
Let us Christians not be preoccupied with justice here on earth, but rather to give everyone the opportunity to be represented by the greatest defence attorney, Jesus Christ, who can boast free services and a 100% success rate.
Paulaner Brauhaus
I ate: Grilled pork knuckles & pork dumpling Glrman sausage sampler with sauerkraut & mashed potatoes at Paulaner Brauhaus, Millenia Walk
The pork knuckles was jsut like one big sio bak!!!
The pork knuckles was jsut like one big sio bak!!!
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