Church Camp in Trengganu (Part Deux)

Ok I'm going on monday morning. Need anything urgently, call my parents at 63861055. No roaming and email on my side. Aaron, out.

Elementary Mathematics

Romance Mathematics:

Smart man + Smart woman = romance
Smart man + Dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + Smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + Dumb woman = pregnancy


Office Arithmetic:

Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit
Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production
Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion
Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime


Shopping Sums:

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't need.

"Look honey, 2003 calendars are at 80% off!"


General Equations:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Five Levels of Intimacy with God (John 15:4-5)

1. Aloof (convenient, disobedient)
2. Acquainted (can profit)
3. Associated (performance-based)
4. Affectionate (emotional, situational)
5. Abiding (pruning, trusting, dependent, fruitful)

EuroEnglish!

Important Announcement:

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k.' Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v'. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru. Ja mein Fuhrer!

I am a mother pheasant plucker!

I am a mother pheasant plucker,
I pluck mother pheasants.
I am the
best mother pheasant plucker,
that ever plucked a mother pheasant!

Try this tongue twister without letting anything slip out! Courtesy of Jesz

"Your suffering is my enjoyment"

So we have a new HQ CSM, whose name is 2WO Chee. Some of my esteemed colleagues would add a suitable suffix to form a Hokkien expletive, but that's another story. His infamous quote on the first day proved me right, when I told Kimjin that "this roll call will set the tone for the rest of his reign". He then said the ill-dated sentence: "Your suffering is my enjoyment." He also proceeded to tell us how us being good, obedient soldiers would make him sad as he wouldn't have the chance to f**k us all.
Someone needs to check this fella before he kills us all. Anyway he's this imposing fella with a bald pate who's quite work-shy. And he's always saying anyone with hair longer than his needs a cut. It might be funnt the first time, but not the twentieth. Bleah.

Army Fitness System

My Comd now has me on board this exciting new initiative to evaluate and improve army fitness through optimal effort. Just sat through a three-hour meeting but emerged enthralled and perhaps rejuvenated that there perhaps is still some initiative and pro-activeness left in me. Perhaps it all boils down to the significance of what I am doing now and the fact that he trusts me to accomplish things working hand-in-hand with him. I respect him for his ideologies in getting work done and how he analyses problems and picks out the crux of the matter. I can learn problem identifying and solving from him. Perhaps the last four months of my NS liability will turn out to be the most productive. I appreciate the effort some people are putting in making the SAF a more efficient organisation, and not jsut working because it pays the bills. The motivation for the work you do is just as important as the tools you employ to achieve your goal. I hope to glean as much from him as I can in the little time I have left. All the same, I hope he doesn't stay back too late. =]

Guess-the-google

http://grant.robinson.name/projects/guess-the-google/

Theis website shows you a collage of 20 images and you're supposed to guess the word you can "google" to obtain those 20 images. Pretty fun, and actually needs brains to play. =]

Church Camp in Trengganu

I won't be around next week as I'll be in sunny Trengganu NOT soaking up the sun for my Church Camp. Contrary to all expectations I managed to take leave to go and I'm really excited. Really looking forward to it and also revisiting a scene of great memories *wink*
I really hope I recover enough to play beach soccer and volleyball there. I want to play by faith to prove that God can give me the Quality of Life even though I have eczema.

Pastor Koo's sermon on 5 June: Living a Balanced Life

How to Grow in Physical Stature:
1. Get enough rest.
2. Make time for exercise.
3. eat healthy.
4. Avoid harmful habits and abusive practices.
5. Manage and reduce stress.

Practical wisdom
= Knowledge + Understanding
= Information + Transformation

Two Kinds of Wisdom:
1. Earthly, unspiritual, devilish
2. Heavenly, spiritual, divine

How to Get Wisdom:
1. Study the Scripture.
2. Read instead of watching TV or videos.
3. Read wholesome material.
4. Hang out with wise people.
5. Act on what you learn.

Dr Seuss of Technical Support

Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

Boing!

What do you call a Malay guy who bungee-jumps?

Mat yo-yo.

Off!

Wow it's a 2nd or 3rd off day in my NSF career! I have to go to two medical establishments later:
First, the National Skin Centre, and I forgot to bring my 11B. I hope they allow me to process my transaction even in the absence of my physical 11B. If not I have to do a medical claim which will take up to a month. I do believe today's bill will hit three figures. :p
Second, Dr Hia. He is a GP recommended by Pastor Nettie and he really seems to know what he's doing. His "two weeks on, two weeks off" Prednisalone (steroid) treatment seems to be working as I am improving. He also doesn't rush in his consultation and makes sure he has a full understanding of your symptoms and medical history before dignosis and medication, hence the long queues. I'm seeing him again later and I'll present my arsenal of creams and tablets from the Skin Centre. Among them is Elidel, a 25g tube of non-steroidal anti-inflammatory cream that corrects immune system dysfunctions. The cost? A cool $50, unless they've raised the price. Of course MINDEF's paying. I really do have to recover before ORD huh? I trust God that I will. =]

Steroid blues

Well I'm into my second steroid sojourn now, and I pray the flare will be much reduced this time round. It follows that a couple of days after stopping steroids the condition will worsen drastically. It's come true. I pray the flares will get fewer and further between.

United v Arsenal

'Nuff said.

The biggest sporting farce I've ever seen. Utter dominance going ultimately unrewarded. Arsenal sans Henry is really nothing. How we didn't win by at least 3 clear goals I don't understand. Rooney and ROnaldo were on song, with the midfield dominatedby Keane and Scholes. Butthe man that mattered, van Nistelrooy, failed to deliver on 5 half-chances.

You don't know whether to laugh or cry.

And to see Arsenal celebrate like they won it on merit. If I'm Arsenal I'll be damn paiseh to win leh.

Tongue twisters

Try these. They're supposed to improve your pronunciation:

She stood on the balcony inexplicaly mimicking him hiccupping but amicably welcoming him in.

Amidst the mists and coldest frosts, with barest wrists and stoutest boasts, he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.

Good for typing too. =]

Shoo-bee-da-doo-bap!

I'm bored stiff.

Literally nothing to do, or blog.

So in true Letterman style, here's the top 10 things to do when you're bored:

10. Blog nonsensical nonsense.
9. Read a motoring magazine you have no interest in.
8. Listen to your boss nag about having to pay $10 more Mess Sub.
7. Play Flash games on your computer. A cat throwing rubbish at a dog. Go figure.
6. Play tennis on your mobile phone.
5. Drink coffee.
4. Eat cookhouse lunch three times over.
3. Sneakily surf the net now and then.
2. Apply moisturiser.

and the number one thing to do when you're bored is:

1. Zzzzzzzzzzz...

Leave approved: Signed, sealed and delivered!

Oh yeah!

For some quirky reason they shifted the block leave period to my church camp week, which coincides with an exercise we're involved in. Don't know why, but thank God.

So I can go to Trengganu for the second year in a row. I wonder who I'm bunking with. =]

Shiok man!

5 "M"s of a Mat Roker

Similar to the businessman's 5 "C"s, the 5 "M"s are more matching to the Mat.

1. Minah,
2. Marlboro,
3. Motosikal,
4. Metal dan
5. Maintain Balan.

The equation of war

A war doesn't determine who's right; it determines who's left.