El Nino in slow-mo

12-year-old Fernando Torres vs AC Milan

He was that good even at 12.

Liverpool 4-2 Arsenal

Have-Your Mascara-No

Javier Mascherano and Liverpool are livid at what they see as being made a scapegoat for Ashley Cole's referee-baiting over last weekend. In truth though, the Argentine hardman got everything he deserved, and maybe more is in store for him.

Since he got referee Steve Bennett's first booking, he was constantly taunting Bennett for the rest of his short time on the pitch, whether it was a United or Liverpool foul. His limited command of the English language was apparently limited to vulgarities and he got his unpleasant mug in Bennett's face every chance he got.

You could tell Bennett was exercising great patience, and his dissent over Fernando Torres' booking, however civilised, was the last straw.

Really, after being booked and knowing the emphasis on respecting referees, he should know better. He didn't and really has only himself to blame. How Xabi Alonso must wish he had put more effort into restraining him from stalking Bennett.

Torres double hat-trick

Just look at El Nino's snap half-volley of Dirk Kuyt's deflected cross: they don't teach this at finishing school - you can't. You either have it or you don't. Ruud van Nistelrooy had it, as did Romario, Ian Rush, Ian Wright and few others. And now, Fernando Torres picks up the mantle with two consecutive Premier League hat-tricks, making him only the fourth player to do so.

Bad English

If our newspapers are the paragons of good English, then I'm afraid we are doomed. Just within two sports pages in The New Paper, I found these gems:

"We received an overwhelming number of mails for the question: Who would you want as striker in your team - Wayne Rooney or Fernando Torres."

OK, since when is mail countable? And when does a question not have a question mark?

"This match will be free entry to public, compliments of SAFFC."

So much for the S-League.

"Matches as follow:"

Is the letter 's' at a premium here?

Disgusting.