Rules for a non-diet
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no
calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in
the candy jar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you
do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot
chocolate, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look
thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because
they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's
personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior
Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking
causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you
are in the process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of
calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream;
mushrooms and mashed potatoes.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for
any other food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is
due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories
since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and
will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to
cling!)

REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS