Posts
1. Rubber bands last longer refrigerated.
2. Peanuts are an ingredient in dynamite.
3. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
4. The shark is the only fish that blinks with both eyes.
5. There are more chickens than people in the world.
6. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant/aubergine/brinjal is grown in New Jersey, USA.
7. The longest one-syllabe word is "screeched".
8. On a Canadian $2 bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
9. All the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.
10. No word rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Sicknote
Yes I've been sick.
This is to document the stages of my illness.
Last Saturday, I was down with a really bad cold, runny nose, altogether.
By Monday, the mucus had dried and turned green. Went for a good dinner at Din Tai Fung on Monday and couldn't smell a single thing.
By Wednesday I had gotten a sinus infection that resulted in a splitting headache.
By Thursday, I had gotten a fever which the camp Medical Centre couldn't detect cos the place is so damn cold! Mdm gave me the afternoon off to recuperate at home. I spent the whole of Thursday till Friday afternoon bedridden.
By Friday, I was fit enough to go for practice.
And today's Saturday, reaping the benefits of a lot of rest, no expenditure and home-cooked food. I'm going to SonicFest later!
Yay! SonicFlood!!!
Important Questions that Need Answers
1. Why do people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
2. If money doesn't go on trees, why do banks have branches?
3. How important does someone have to be before he is considered assasinated instead of murdered?
4. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
I need answers!
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Behind every man is a smart woman
A reporter who did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict noted then that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.
She recently retuned to Kabul and obseved that women still walk behind their husbands.
She approached one of the Afghan women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked her in the eyes and said without hesitation: "Land mines."
She recently retuned to Kabul and obseved that women still walk behind their husbands.
She approached one of the Afghan women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked her in the eyes and said without hesitation: "Land mines."
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Nicolae: The Rise of Antichrist
I read
LaHaye, T., & Jenkins, J. (1997). Nicolae: The rise of Antichrist. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers
LaHaye, T., & Jenkins, J. (1997). Nicolae: The rise of Antichrist. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers
Guys' Beauty Secrets
Shaving
Don't shave right after getting out of bed as the skin is puffy in the morning and stubbles are less visible.
Always moisten hair. Use some hair conditioner as it works better than shaving cream. Soap won't hold moisture long enough and tends to clog your razor.
Teeth
Whiten teeth with crushed strawberries and rub pulp directly on teeth.
Pimples
These nasty zits can be easily zapped with some nail polish remover with a cotton bud.
Apply a little toothpaste to your pimple and leave it overnight.
For rash-like pimples, apply calamine lotion and let it dry overnight.
taken from Men's Health (May 2004)
Don't shave right after getting out of bed as the skin is puffy in the morning and stubbles are less visible.
Always moisten hair. Use some hair conditioner as it works better than shaving cream. Soap won't hold moisture long enough and tends to clog your razor.
Teeth
Whiten teeth with crushed strawberries and rub pulp directly on teeth.
Pimples
These nasty zits can be easily zapped with some nail polish remover with a cotton bud.
Apply a little toothpaste to your pimple and leave it overnight.
For rash-like pimples, apply calamine lotion and let it dry overnight.
taken from Men's Health (May 2004)
Quote of the Day
I believe that blind people can fall in love too, so I don;t believe in love at first sight.
- Actor Ashton Kutcher
- Actor Ashton Kutcher
The Smart Woman 2
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
At a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
He went up to her and said, "I'm just an ordinary man. But in just a week, my father will die and I'll inherit $20 million."
So the woman went home with Charles.
And became his stepmother the very next day.
At a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
He went up to her and said, "I'm just an ordinary man. But in just a week, my father will die and I'll inherit $20 million."
So the woman went home with Charles.
And became his stepmother the very next day.
The Smart Woman
On his deathbed, a miserly man told his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me."
Soon after she promised, he died.
At his funeral, his wife put a small box into the casket.
Her friend said, "I knew you aren't such a fool as to put all that money in there with your husband."
But the wife replied, "I didn't go back on my word.
"I got all his money, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
Soon after she promised, he died.
At his funeral, his wife put a small box into the casket.
Her friend said, "I knew you aren't such a fool as to put all that money in there with your husband."
But the wife replied, "I didn't go back on my word.
"I got all his money, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
Monday, July 25, 2005
The Island by Tay Yak Teak
The Island, an entertaining flick about clones who don't know they're clones, features an idyllic island, advanced technology, people in white uniforms, obeying instructions, not trained to think independently, lining up eagerly for a lottery and generally kept in the dark about very important things.
I don't know why, I can't put my finger on it, but somehow I feel the story will strike a chord with many Singaporeans.
I don't know why, I can't put my finger on it, but somehow I feel the story will strike a chord with many Singaporeans.
St Andrew's Junior College Band 2-1 Agape FC
ST ANDREW'S JUNIOR COLLEGE, SINGAPORE - St Andrew's Junior College Band (SAJCB) pipped an under-strength but valiant Agape FC 2-1, with the winning goal coming with the last kick of the game on Sunday.
Agape were under pressure throughout the match, as the more experienced and fitter SAJCB dictated the pace of the 60-minute match with no halftime. Both teams struggled with the soggy conditions of the SAJC rugby pitch, as a morning downpour put paid to any chances of a free-flowing game.
Typically, it took a mistake to break the deadlock. Agape skipper Amos Pang, who uncharacteristically missed a few clearances early in the game, finally made one mistake too many, as SAJCB punished his inability to clear his lines effectively with a well-taken shot that zipped under the goalkeeper.
It was a goal that was always coming, as the home team settled down more quickly, cheered on by their home crowd of about ten clueless schoolgirls. Agape goalkeeper Tay Teckseng had already made two crucial stops to prevent SAJCB from taking the early lead.
SAJCB did well to keep the ball moving all over the pitch to tire out their opponents. However, their final ball was lacking as a combination of desperate defending and the waterlogged pitch halted their progress. They were frequently given the opportunity to test the keeper from range, hoping to profit from slippery conditions.
But it was a different story after SAJCB had taken the lead. Agape brought on substitutes Kenneth Yee and Darric Teo in place of the ineffective Eddy Ho and Chu Jianliang, and the personnel change almost reaped immediate dividends. A wayward Agape shot suddenly found Kenneth with the ball at his feet 10 metres out, as he coolly dinked the keeper with his weaker left foot. Celebrations wre quickly halted as SAJCB claimed offside. There was no sure way for the referee to tell as he was too far away from the action. It was tough luck, as the goal was chalked off for offside.
That set the tone for the rest of the match, as wave after wave of black jerseys crashing forward in attack foundered on the defensive rocks of Matthew Chua, Amos and Ah Hai. Agape soon began creating chances of their own. Their main threat came from the neat but sometimes over-elaborate inter-play bwtween Agape's three trialists, Theophane Chan's friends from Singapore Institute of Management. However, they always seemed to struggle as the defence failed to keep up with the midfield, leaving a gap for their opponents to exploit.
The match was now a more evenly-contested affair, as both teams seemed to get the measure of the prohibitive conditions. As the referee signalled ten minutes, a substitution turned the match on its head. Agape's wing wizard Samuel Pan, who was delayed by an over-zealous security guard and eventually had to climb over the fence to join the game, replaced central defender Amos as Agape threw everyone forward to get an equaliser.
With time running out, Samuel linked up well with Zixiang on the right flank, before delivering an inch-perfect cross to the far post, where another of the trialists tapped it in. The away support exploded with emotion as Agape celebrated an equaliser with five minutes to play.
It was all Agape could do to concentrate as SAJCB kicked off trying to re-establish the advantage they had held for most of the match.
Alas, Agape's courageous comeback was not to be as the final twist in the tail came deep injury time. SAJCB had a corner with regulation time completed. As Ah Hai headed the ball out for the umpteenth time in the match, the referee signalled for one last corner, even thgou time was up. A lofted ball played into the six-yard box should have been claimed by Teckseng, but the ball was bundled home in a goalmouth scramble. It was even unclear who had got the last touch, although it was later discovered that Chan Zikai had let the ball through his legs.
As the referee blew for full-time, both teams shook hands as the bad-tempered moments of the match were all but forgotten. It was a harsh result for Agape in their first competitive match in over a year, but they have the opportunity to put things right in the rematch. Aaron Wong, out for several months with a mysterious skin disease, might just recover in time for the big match.
Agape were under pressure throughout the match, as the more experienced and fitter SAJCB dictated the pace of the 60-minute match with no halftime. Both teams struggled with the soggy conditions of the SAJC rugby pitch, as a morning downpour put paid to any chances of a free-flowing game.
Typically, it took a mistake to break the deadlock. Agape skipper Amos Pang, who uncharacteristically missed a few clearances early in the game, finally made one mistake too many, as SAJCB punished his inability to clear his lines effectively with a well-taken shot that zipped under the goalkeeper.
It was a goal that was always coming, as the home team settled down more quickly, cheered on by their home crowd of about ten clueless schoolgirls. Agape goalkeeper Tay Teckseng had already made two crucial stops to prevent SAJCB from taking the early lead.
SAJCB did well to keep the ball moving all over the pitch to tire out their opponents. However, their final ball was lacking as a combination of desperate defending and the waterlogged pitch halted their progress. They were frequently given the opportunity to test the keeper from range, hoping to profit from slippery conditions.
But it was a different story after SAJCB had taken the lead. Agape brought on substitutes Kenneth Yee and Darric Teo in place of the ineffective Eddy Ho and Chu Jianliang, and the personnel change almost reaped immediate dividends. A wayward Agape shot suddenly found Kenneth with the ball at his feet 10 metres out, as he coolly dinked the keeper with his weaker left foot. Celebrations wre quickly halted as SAJCB claimed offside. There was no sure way for the referee to tell as he was too far away from the action. It was tough luck, as the goal was chalked off for offside.
That set the tone for the rest of the match, as wave after wave of black jerseys crashing forward in attack foundered on the defensive rocks of Matthew Chua, Amos and Ah Hai. Agape soon began creating chances of their own. Their main threat came from the neat but sometimes over-elaborate inter-play bwtween Agape's three trialists, Theophane Chan's friends from Singapore Institute of Management. However, they always seemed to struggle as the defence failed to keep up with the midfield, leaving a gap for their opponents to exploit.
The match was now a more evenly-contested affair, as both teams seemed to get the measure of the prohibitive conditions. As the referee signalled ten minutes, a substitution turned the match on its head. Agape's wing wizard Samuel Pan, who was delayed by an over-zealous security guard and eventually had to climb over the fence to join the game, replaced central defender Amos as Agape threw everyone forward to get an equaliser.
With time running out, Samuel linked up well with Zixiang on the right flank, before delivering an inch-perfect cross to the far post, where another of the trialists tapped it in. The away support exploded with emotion as Agape celebrated an equaliser with five minutes to play.
It was all Agape could do to concentrate as SAJCB kicked off trying to re-establish the advantage they had held for most of the match.
Alas, Agape's courageous comeback was not to be as the final twist in the tail came deep injury time. SAJCB had a corner with regulation time completed. As Ah Hai headed the ball out for the umpteenth time in the match, the referee signalled for one last corner, even thgou time was up. A lofted ball played into the six-yard box should have been claimed by Teckseng, but the ball was bundled home in a goalmouth scramble. It was even unclear who had got the last touch, although it was later discovered that Chan Zikai had let the ball through his legs.
As the referee blew for full-time, both teams shook hands as the bad-tempered moments of the match were all but forgotten. It was a harsh result for Agape in their first competitive match in over a year, but they have the opportunity to put things right in the rematch. Aaron Wong, out for several months with a mysterious skin disease, might just recover in time for the big match.
I hate durian!
Well, I don't really. But after binging on durian tarts yeaterday morning, my skin flared up with a vengeance that same evening. I can something that tastes so good do such damage. This must be from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.
Anyhow, I've discovered D24 Durian gelato from Bravissimo, which I'm sure means 'very good' in Italian. Or it could be an undiscovered Lecce left-back. Really it tastes better than the real thing, it's cold, and you don't get your hands dirty. Although it's $3.20 a cup, it's worth it now and then. Edgar even wanted to buy the whole tub!
Which brings me to his son, that adorable bundle of joy. Ah, bless! Such a bright little boy. We had gone to Cafe Cartel for lunch, when I excused myself to go to StarHub to settle a SIM Card issue (more on that later). I left my cumbersome bag behind and left.
So little Ian (that's his name) asked after a while where I was: "Uncle Air-wen?"
And Jasmine lied that I had already left. (Oh! And he knows how to say 'owedi')
Then he thought for a moment, and pointed questioningly at my bag.
Wow. This kid's going to MENSA. And he offered me his entire box of Pocky! I'm GETTING him into MENSA!
Oh ya, the SIM card. Recently have been experiencing problems with a backlog of SMSes that I don't receive for hours and then get all at one go. That and the poor reception in my camp (which is mostly a good thing as arrowers can't call me). Thought it might be my SIM card as I've had it for at least five years. I had come to StarHub on Saturday to replace the SIM card, but having gone through all the trouble to convince my mum that no, I would not misplace her IC, despite having a dream the night before that I had lost my handphone and wallet, I forgot to get her to sign a Letter of Authority (LOA).
The dream, by the way, is nothing I want to live out. It's a double whammy of cataclysmic proportions. Wah, I'd cry man.
Anyway the LOA is an exercise in futility. It was a handwritten note written by me in black, and my mum just signed it, in blue. On Sunday, I gave the CSO the IC and letter and she just processed it without verifying the signature. I could've done this on Saturday!
Anyhow, I've discovered D24 Durian gelato from Bravissimo, which I'm sure means 'very good' in Italian. Or it could be an undiscovered Lecce left-back. Really it tastes better than the real thing, it's cold, and you don't get your hands dirty. Although it's $3.20 a cup, it's worth it now and then. Edgar even wanted to buy the whole tub!
Which brings me to his son, that adorable bundle of joy. Ah, bless! Such a bright little boy. We had gone to Cafe Cartel for lunch, when I excused myself to go to StarHub to settle a SIM Card issue (more on that later). I left my cumbersome bag behind and left.
So little Ian (that's his name) asked after a while where I was: "Uncle Air-wen?"
And Jasmine lied that I had already left. (Oh! And he knows how to say 'owedi')
Then he thought for a moment, and pointed questioningly at my bag.
Wow. This kid's going to MENSA. And he offered me his entire box of Pocky! I'm GETTING him into MENSA!
Oh ya, the SIM card. Recently have been experiencing problems with a backlog of SMSes that I don't receive for hours and then get all at one go. That and the poor reception in my camp (which is mostly a good thing as arrowers can't call me). Thought it might be my SIM card as I've had it for at least five years. I had come to StarHub on Saturday to replace the SIM card, but having gone through all the trouble to convince my mum that no, I would not misplace her IC, despite having a dream the night before that I had lost my handphone and wallet, I forgot to get her to sign a Letter of Authority (LOA).
The dream, by the way, is nothing I want to live out. It's a double whammy of cataclysmic proportions. Wah, I'd cry man.
Anyway the LOA is an exercise in futility. It was a handwritten note written by me in black, and my mum just signed it, in blue. On Sunday, I gave the CSO the IC and letter and she just processed it without verifying the signature. I could've done this on Saturday!
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Thursday, July 21, 2005
The difference between Malaysians and Singaporeans
I read
Veloo, R., & Cheng, P. K. (2002). The difference between Malaysians and Singaporeans. Singapore: NewsBooks.
Will try to add photos.
Veloo, R., & Cheng, P. K. (2002). The difference between Malaysians and Singaporeans. Singapore: NewsBooks.
Will try to add photos.
4 'P's to Being the Perfect Partner
For all you married/going-to-be-married readers. Picked this up from Straits Times, that pantheon of quotable quotes.
Prioritise
Put your spouse first. Children are leasehold - only for 18 years - while your spouse is freehold (free to hold any time too).
Publicise
Communicate your feelings to each other regularly; share your hopes, even fears. This helps you stay in touch and in sync with each other.
Participate
Be involved in your spouse's life by spending time together. This can range from enjoying a movie date, belting out loves songs to each other at a karaoke joint or even playing badminton (or Xbox) together.
The couple that plays together, stays together.
Praise
Affirm your spouse through words or even actions. Building people up makes them feel good about themselves and about the person who lavishes attention on them.
Prioritise
Put your spouse first. Children are leasehold - only for 18 years - while your spouse is freehold (free to hold any time too).
Publicise
Communicate your feelings to each other regularly; share your hopes, even fears. This helps you stay in touch and in sync with each other.
Participate
Be involved in your spouse's life by spending time together. This can range from enjoying a movie date, belting out loves songs to each other at a karaoke joint or even playing badminton (or Xbox) together.
The couple that plays together, stays together.
Praise
Affirm your spouse through words or even actions. Building people up makes them feel good about themselves and about the person who lavishes attention on them.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Left Behind II
I read
LaHaye, T., & Jenkins, J. (1996). Tribulation force: The continuing drama of those left behind. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
LaHaye, T., & Jenkins, J. (1996). Tribulation force: The continuing drama of those left behind. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Nokia 7710
One brand new Nokia 7710 for sale.
Includes 128MB MMCard, charger, USB cable, headset, warranty card
Price: $850 (negotiable)
Visit: http://www.nokia.com.sg/nokia/0,,66205,00.html
She
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad
She'll hate you like poison and love you like mad
A woman is a bundle of contradiction
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad
She'll hate you like poison and love you like mad
Lifestyle Survey - Project Blackjack II (REVISED: Earn $40!
Hi Guys/Gals,
Please note that this invitation is also open to people you know.
Interviews will be conducted at Acorn's main office in Field Department 4th Floor, 241, River Valley Road. The interview is expected to take 20-30min.
Take note: There are FOUR criteria for this interview:
1. You are a SINGAPOREAN or PERMANENT RESIDENT.
2. You are above 21 YEARS OLD.
3. You must play any local gambling related game on a regular basis (including 4D, Toto, Soccer, Horse Racing, Mahjong etc)
4. You must have gambled $300 and above.
Incentive:
For those earning below $2000/mth: $20
For those earning above $2000/mth: $40
If you fulfil the above criteria (or know someone who does), email me your NAME and CONTACT NUMBER and you can expect to receive a call from us soon. You can then arrange a convenient time between 1100 and 2000hrs to meet us.
Feel free to refer friends or relatives interested in this survey. It's an easy way to make a quick, legal buck.
Look forward to hear from you soon! Please note that registration closes 20 July!
Thanks,
Aaron
Please note that this invitation is also open to people you know.
Interviews will be conducted at Acorn's main office in Field Department 4th Floor, 241, River Valley Road. The interview is expected to take 20-30min.
Take note: There are FOUR criteria for this interview:
1. You are a SINGAPOREAN or PERMANENT RESIDENT.
2. You are above 21 YEARS OLD.
3. You must play any local gambling related game on a regular basis (including 4D, Toto, Soccer, Horse Racing, Mahjong etc)
4. You must have gambled $300 and above.
Incentive:
For those earning below $2000/mth: $20
For those earning above $2000/mth: $40
If you fulfil the above criteria (or know someone who does), email me your NAME and CONTACT NUMBER and you can expect to receive a call from us soon. You can then arrange a convenient time between 1100 and 2000hrs to meet us.
Feel free to refer friends or relatives interested in this survey. It's an easy way to make a quick, legal buck.
Look forward to hear from you soon! Please note that registration closes 20 July!
Thanks,
Aaron
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Duh Headlines
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures, say Scientists
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
The best part: All are actual newspaper headlines. Editor sleeping or what?
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
The best part: All are actual newspaper headlines. Editor sleeping or what?
Please hold the line
"We realise you're still holding, but please don't hang up, a this will further delay your call."
Friday, July 15, 2005
Democracy
"History teaches us that liberal democracy needs economic development, literacy, a growing middle class and political institutions that support free speech and human rights. It needs a civic society resting on shared values that make people with differnt and conflicting views willing to cooperate with each other. In a civic society, between the family and state, there are whole series of institutions to which citizens belong, voluntary associations to promote specific common interests, religious institutions, trade unions, professional organisations and other self-help bodies.
Democracy works where the people have that culture of accomodation and tolerance which makes a minority accept the majority's right to have its way until the next election, and wait patiently and peacefully for its turn to become the government by persuading more voters to support its views. Where democracy was implanted in a people whose tradition had been to fight to the bitter end, as in South Korea, it has not worked well. South Koreans battle it out on the streets regardless of whether they have a military dictator or a democratically elected president in charge. Brawls in the Legislative Yuan of Taiwan, plus physical clashes in the streets, are reflections of their different cultures. People will evolve their own more or less representative forms of government, suited to their customs and culture."
Taken from Lee Kuan Yew's From Third World to First: The Singapore Story: 1965-2000
Democracy works where the people have that culture of accomodation and tolerance which makes a minority accept the majority's right to have its way until the next election, and wait patiently and peacefully for its turn to become the government by persuading more voters to support its views. Where democracy was implanted in a people whose tradition had been to fight to the bitter end, as in South Korea, it has not worked well. South Koreans battle it out on the streets regardless of whether they have a military dictator or a democratically elected president in charge. Brawls in the Legislative Yuan of Taiwan, plus physical clashes in the streets, are reflections of their different cultures. People will evolve their own more or less representative forms of government, suited to their customs and culture."
Taken from Lee Kuan Yew's From Third World to First: The Singapore Story: 1965-2000
The slow die first
Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts to chase them.
Both campers start running for their lives.
But one suddenly stops running and starts putting on his running shoes.
His partner says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"
His friend replies, "I don't have to! I just need to outrun you!"
Both campers start running for their lives.
But one suddenly stops running and starts putting on his running shoes.
His partner says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"
His friend replies, "I don't have to! I just need to outrun you!"
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Dumb court questions
Were you present when your picture was taken?
How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?
You were there until the time you left, is that true?
She had three children?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there any girls?
You say the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
These stairs, did they go up too?
You went on a honeymoon, didn't you?
Yes, to Europe.
And you took your wife?
How was your first marriage terminated?
By death.
By whose death was it terminated?
Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Can you describe the person?
He was of medium height and he had a beard.
Was this a male or female?
Is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I despatched to your attorney?
No, this is how I usually dress for work.
Then was the lawyer who started off horribly: "My Honour, may I approach the bench?"
How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?
You were there until the time you left, is that true?
She had three children?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there any girls?
You say the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
These stairs, did they go up too?
You went on a honeymoon, didn't you?
Yes, to Europe.
And you took your wife?
How was your first marriage terminated?
By death.
By whose death was it terminated?
Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Can you describe the person?
He was of medium height and he had a beard.
Was this a male or female?
Is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I despatched to your attorney?
No, this is how I usually dress for work.
Then was the lawyer who started off horribly: "My Honour, may I approach the bench?"
Quote of the Day
When the world pushes you to your knees, you are in the right position to pray.
- Anon
- Anon
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Spiritual Gifts
1. Leadership
2. Administration
3. Teaching
4. Knowledge
5. Wisdom
6. Prophecy
7. Discernment
8. Exhortation
9. Shepherding
10. Faith
11. Evangelism
12. Apostleship
13. Service/Helps
14. Mercy
15. Giving
16. Hospitality
Mine's Exhortation.
Which one's yours?
2. Administration
3. Teaching
4. Knowledge
5. Wisdom
6. Prophecy
7. Discernment
8. Exhortation
9. Shepherding
10. Faith
11. Evangelism
12. Apostleship
13. Service/Helps
14. Mercy
15. Giving
16. Hospitality
Mine's Exhortation.
Which one's yours?
Why English is so difficult to learn: Examples
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to preoduce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
6. Since there's no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
7. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
8. I did not object to the object.
9. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
10. There was a row among the row of oarsmen about how to row.
11. They were too close to the door to close it.
12. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
13. The wins was too strong to wind the sail.
14. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
2. The farm was used to preoduce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
6. Since there's no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
7. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
8. I did not object to the object.
9. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
10. There was a row among the row of oarsmen about how to row.
11. They were too close to the door to close it.
12. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
13. The wins was too strong to wind the sail.
14. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Beans!
Beans! Beans! They're good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the better you feel
So let's have beans for every meal!
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the better you feel
So let's have beans for every meal!
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Pastor Koo's sermon on 10 Jul: People Don't Look Forward to Heaven: Why?
1. Unbiblical views of Heaven
2. Fear of death
i. the "knowing/doing" gap
ii. Christians don't live well (Phi 1:21)
3. Consumed by worldly pleasures, earthly cares (Luk 12:21)
4. Satan's deception (Rev 13:6)
i.Heaven doesn't exist
ii. Heaven is boring
iii. False/extreme means to enter Heaven
How to live?
Life 1: Success (myself)
Life 2: Significance (others)
Life 3: Eternity
2. Fear of death
i. the "knowing/doing" gap
ii. Christians don't live well (Phi 1:21)
3. Consumed by worldly pleasures, earthly cares (Luk 12:21)
4. Satan's deception (Rev 13:6)
i.Heaven doesn't exist
ii. Heaven is boring
iii. False/extreme means to enter Heaven
How to live?
Life 1: Success (myself)
Life 2: Significance (others)
Life 3: Eternity
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Sin City
I just watched Kill Bill 3. Until someone told me it was actually Sin City.
Cannot be what. It's directed by Tarantino, there's someone perpetually in yellow, there's a samurai gal, the people cheat death all the time, everything's in black and white, it's R21... the list goes on.
All in all, they weren't kidding when they said it was a graphic novel. The violence was something else, with blood of every hue. Surprisingly there was no Uma Thurman, but threre was a shocking turn by Alexis Bledel. She kept calling her mum, and I kept thinking of Lorelai Gilmore.
Good to see Mickey Rourke back among the stars again. Read about recently in a magazine about how he got his life back on track again after a battle with alcoholism and whatnot.
Guys, you may watch this movie for Jamie King, Jessica Alba, and Alexis Bledel if you must. But seriously I liked the way the plot came full circle even though I never read the book.
I will never see Frodo Baggins in the same away, after Elijah Wood turned out to be a cannibalistic psychopath who preyed on the flesh trade. Literally. Till his Huskie ate him alive. His limbs were sawn off and tourniqueted with rubber tubing, where the hero left him to be devoured. And he kept smiling, good to the the bite. Not many guns in this one. Just that the protagonists find grosser and grosser ways to massacre each other.
It's a cameo's dream this one: Michael Clarke Duncan (Green Mile), Devon Aoki (2 Fast 2 Furious), Josh Hartnett (Black Hawk Down), and many more. Bet they all worked for free when they heard Tarantino was directing.
I really should ramble on, but why don't you watch it yourself? Unless you're below 21, in which case you should buy the DVD and wait till you're 21. =]
Cannot be what. It's directed by Tarantino, there's someone perpetually in yellow, there's a samurai gal, the people cheat death all the time, everything's in black and white, it's R21... the list goes on.
All in all, they weren't kidding when they said it was a graphic novel. The violence was something else, with blood of every hue. Surprisingly there was no Uma Thurman, but threre was a shocking turn by Alexis Bledel. She kept calling her mum, and I kept thinking of Lorelai Gilmore.
Good to see Mickey Rourke back among the stars again. Read about recently in a magazine about how he got his life back on track again after a battle with alcoholism and whatnot.
Guys, you may watch this movie for Jamie King, Jessica Alba, and Alexis Bledel if you must. But seriously I liked the way the plot came full circle even though I never read the book.
I will never see Frodo Baggins in the same away, after Elijah Wood turned out to be a cannibalistic psychopath who preyed on the flesh trade. Literally. Till his Huskie ate him alive. His limbs were sawn off and tourniqueted with rubber tubing, where the hero left him to be devoured. And he kept smiling, good to the the bite. Not many guns in this one. Just that the protagonists find grosser and grosser ways to massacre each other.
It's a cameo's dream this one: Michael Clarke Duncan (Green Mile), Devon Aoki (2 Fast 2 Furious), Josh Hartnett (Black Hawk Down), and many more. Bet they all worked for free when they heard Tarantino was directing.
I really should ramble on, but why don't you watch it yourself? Unless you're below 21, in which case you should buy the DVD and wait till you're 21. =]
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Left Behind
I read
LaHaye, T., JEnkins, J. (1995). Left behind: A novel of the earth's last days. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
LaHaye, T., JEnkins, J. (1995). Left behind: A novel of the earth's last days. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Protect your virgin real estate
One day, a government official approached a Roman Catholic priest with a tantalising offer. The old church was sitting on prime land. Hence, the government wanted to pay off the church to repossess the land and make it available to private developers for condominiums.
After some thought, the priest refused.
He replied: "As a Roman Catholic, I'm against the use of condominiums."
After some thought, the priest refused.
He replied: "As a Roman Catholic, I'm against the use of condominiums."
Public Speaking
Remember:
He who never makes mistakes seldom makes anything else.
A quick summary of how to deliver a short, sharp speech:
Step 1: Tell 'em what you're gonna tell 'em.
Step 2: Tell 'em.
Step 3: Tell'em what you've told 'em.
It's that simple.
He who never makes mistakes seldom makes anything else.
A quick summary of how to deliver a short, sharp speech:
Step 1: Tell 'em what you're gonna tell 'em.
Step 2: Tell 'em.
Step 3: Tell'em what you've told 'em.
It's that simple.
Confessions of a SPG
Chuay Pek Lang, 23, Sarong Party Girl
So bad, you know!
I just read in the Straits Times, got some chao ang mor journalist write that all these Asian women are flirting with ang mor men and tempting them away from their wives and children!
That's not true! The ang mor men are also tempting me, what.
It's two-way temptation.
I'm tempting them away from their frumpy wives with their water-retaining ankles, while they are tempting me away from typical stoner Singapore men with their boring lifestyles.
I also think it's very unfair to call Asian women who prefer ang mor men 'sarong party girls'. I mean, we rarely wear sarongs. It covers up too much.
People always ask me why I only want to date ang mor men.
It's because ang mor men treat their women with so much more respect than Asian men do.
Asian men are only interested in having us so that we can have children and form a family. Asian men see us only as wives. In their eyes, we are these boring, quiet, obedient and meek mice.
Whereas what the ang mor men see are sexy, long-haired, provocatively-dressed sirens.
In other words, unlike Asian men, they see us as individuals and not stereotypes.
That's why I'm doing whatever it takes to snag an ang mor - dressing sexily, getting tanned within an inch of skin cancer, growing long, straight hair.
I'm doing it so that I can retain my dignity and respect!
And why go out with Asian men? They always eventually have affairs with prostitutes in some foreign country, leaving their poor wives behind. Ang mor men are not like that at all!
Some more Asian men are not as socially sophisticated as ang mor men.
For example, when I'm at a bar, I can approach an ang mor man, even a stranger, anytime and they will chat with me, buy me drinks. So pleasant!
Whereas these Asian men are downright unpleasant - always coming up and trying to chat and buy me drinks. I mean, they're complete strangers! What do they think I am? The sleazeballs!
My favourite place to meet ang mor men is Boat Quay.
I think there is something magical and romantic there, right next to the water.
One of my ang mor boyfriends also believes it's some sort of magical tradition for Asian women and ang mor men to meet by the waterside.
He said that on every pier in every Asian country, there are always Asian women there waiting to meet ang mor men! Isn't that nice?
Which is why when people call me racist for preferring ang mor men, I always disagree.
Racist is when you think of another race as inferior, whereas I think of another race as superior.
Some more, there's proof that ang mors are genetically superior to Asian men.
I mean look at chap cheng babies. So nice looking, with big, round eyes. Not like Asian babies with their slitty, chicken eyes.
So how can I possibly be racist? These people, ah, all talk cock.
So bad, you know!
I just read in the Straits Times, got some chao ang mor journalist write that all these Asian women are flirting with ang mor men and tempting them away from their wives and children!
That's not true! The ang mor men are also tempting me, what.
It's two-way temptation.
I'm tempting them away from their frumpy wives with their water-retaining ankles, while they are tempting me away from typical stoner Singapore men with their boring lifestyles.
I also think it's very unfair to call Asian women who prefer ang mor men 'sarong party girls'. I mean, we rarely wear sarongs. It covers up too much.
People always ask me why I only want to date ang mor men.
It's because ang mor men treat their women with so much more respect than Asian men do.
Asian men are only interested in having us so that we can have children and form a family. Asian men see us only as wives. In their eyes, we are these boring, quiet, obedient and meek mice.
Whereas what the ang mor men see are sexy, long-haired, provocatively-dressed sirens.
In other words, unlike Asian men, they see us as individuals and not stereotypes.
That's why I'm doing whatever it takes to snag an ang mor - dressing sexily, getting tanned within an inch of skin cancer, growing long, straight hair.
I'm doing it so that I can retain my dignity and respect!
And why go out with Asian men? They always eventually have affairs with prostitutes in some foreign country, leaving their poor wives behind. Ang mor men are not like that at all!
Some more Asian men are not as socially sophisticated as ang mor men.
For example, when I'm at a bar, I can approach an ang mor man, even a stranger, anytime and they will chat with me, buy me drinks. So pleasant!
Whereas these Asian men are downright unpleasant - always coming up and trying to chat and buy me drinks. I mean, they're complete strangers! What do they think I am? The sleazeballs!
My favourite place to meet ang mor men is Boat Quay.
I think there is something magical and romantic there, right next to the water.
One of my ang mor boyfriends also believes it's some sort of magical tradition for Asian women and ang mor men to meet by the waterside.
He said that on every pier in every Asian country, there are always Asian women there waiting to meet ang mor men! Isn't that nice?
Which is why when people call me racist for preferring ang mor men, I always disagree.
Racist is when you think of another race as inferior, whereas I think of another race as superior.
Some more, there's proof that ang mors are genetically superior to Asian men.
I mean look at chap cheng babies. So nice looking, with big, round eyes. Not like Asian babies with their slitty, chicken eyes.
So how can I possibly be racist? These people, ah, all talk cock.
Sound Advice for Super Villains
So you’ve watched Star Wars Episode III and are all inspired to become a cool baddie like Darth Vader. Here are some tips before you embark on your new career of evil:
1. When you’ve trapped a hero, don’t waste time revealing your complicated secret plot. Just faster kill the guy!
2. And don’t go and arrow some stupid underling to kill him either while you go and do other things. They’re bound to cock it up, so do it yourself!
3. Assassinations lah, aiming death rays from space lah, holding important people hostage lah – all a bit leceh. There are much easier ways to take over the world for personal financial gain. Have you tried MLM?
4. When setting off a bomb or explosive, fix the timer so it goes off, say, five seconds early, because the chao hero usually manages to defuse it two seconds before it blows.
5. Don’t carry around bags with big dollar signs on them, because it makes it easy to spot you.
6. The Speak Good English Movement is your friend. Name one credible super villain who speaks like an Ah Beng. All the really powderful baddies speak with super chiak kantang English accents.
7. When locking up your hero, don’t put him in some tool shed where he can find stuff to help him escape, or together with some other prisoners who may be inspired to help him or sacrifice themselves for him, etc. In fact, why lock him up? Just faster kill him! (See Point No. 1 above)
8. Location, location, location. Don’t be tempted to base your HQ in some ulu place like a mountain fortress or under the sea or on board some space station. Sure, the remoteness of the place may be cheaper in terms of real estate, but don’t forget the transport costs.
9. When fighting the hero, don’t bother changing into a giant lizard or what. Waste time only, and you sure die anyway.
10. Save money by having your henchmen dress in civvies instead of making expensive uniforms for them just so your organisation looks ‘saht’.
11. Make sure you early-early negotiate with the hero for a cut of the movie and merchandising rights.
1. When you’ve trapped a hero, don’t waste time revealing your complicated secret plot. Just faster kill the guy!
2. And don’t go and arrow some stupid underling to kill him either while you go and do other things. They’re bound to cock it up, so do it yourself!
3. Assassinations lah, aiming death rays from space lah, holding important people hostage lah – all a bit leceh. There are much easier ways to take over the world for personal financial gain. Have you tried MLM?
4. When setting off a bomb or explosive, fix the timer so it goes off, say, five seconds early, because the chao hero usually manages to defuse it two seconds before it blows.
5. Don’t carry around bags with big dollar signs on them, because it makes it easy to spot you.
6. The Speak Good English Movement is your friend. Name one credible super villain who speaks like an Ah Beng. All the really powderful baddies speak with super chiak kantang English accents.
7. When locking up your hero, don’t put him in some tool shed where he can find stuff to help him escape, or together with some other prisoners who may be inspired to help him or sacrifice themselves for him, etc. In fact, why lock him up? Just faster kill him! (See Point No. 1 above)
8. Location, location, location. Don’t be tempted to base your HQ in some ulu place like a mountain fortress or under the sea or on board some space station. Sure, the remoteness of the place may be cheaper in terms of real estate, but don’t forget the transport costs.
9. When fighting the hero, don’t bother changing into a giant lizard or what. Waste time only, and you sure die anyway.
10. Save money by having your henchmen dress in civvies instead of making expensive uniforms for them just so your organisation looks ‘saht’.
11. Make sure you early-early negotiate with the hero for a cut of the movie and merchandising rights.
Seven Principles of Servant Leadership
1. Servant leaders humble themselves and wait for God to exalt them (Luke 14:7-11)
2. Servant leaders follow Jesus rather than seek a position (Mark 10:32-40)
3. Servant leaders give up personal rights to find greatness in service to others (Mark 10:41-45)
4. Servant leaders can risk serving others because they trust that God is in control of their lives (John 13:3)
5. Servant leaders take up Jesus' towel of servant hood to meet the needs of others (John 13:4-11)
6. Servant leaders share their responsibility and authority with others to meet a greater need (Acts 6:1-6)
7. Servant leaders multiply their leadership by empowering others to lead (Exodus 18:17-23)
Taken from Gene Wilkes' Jesus on leadership: Becoming a servant leader
2. Servant leaders follow Jesus rather than seek a position (Mark 10:32-40)
3. Servant leaders give up personal rights to find greatness in service to others (Mark 10:41-45)
4. Servant leaders can risk serving others because they trust that God is in control of their lives (John 13:3)
5. Servant leaders take up Jesus' towel of servant hood to meet the needs of others (John 13:4-11)
6. Servant leaders share their responsibility and authority with others to meet a greater need (Acts 6:1-6)
7. Servant leaders multiply their leadership by empowering others to lead (Exodus 18:17-23)
Taken from Gene Wilkes' Jesus on leadership: Becoming a servant leader
We is can!
Met my Ahmad Ibrahim Sec buddies on Sunday. Qingzhang shared a wonderful story about his warrant officer trying to psyche his men up:
"We is can!"
Wah, best. Wo3 men2 shi4 ke2 yi3 de4!
"We is can!"
Wah, best. Wo3 men2 shi4 ke2 yi3 de4!
Oxymorons
Here are some oxymorons I came across. NO they're not idiots who use pimple cream:
Civil war
Bittersweet
Pretty ugly
Cold comfort
Holiday homework (contributed by Zikai)
Any others?
Civil war
Bittersweet
Pretty ugly
Cold comfort
Holiday homework (contributed by Zikai)
Any others?
Pastor Koo's sermon on 3 Jul: Is Heaven real?
Four reasons why I believe Heaven is real:
1. Death is not the end of everything
2. A longing of an eternal home (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
3. God's Word speaks very much and clearly of Heaven (672 references to Heaven or heavens)
4. Jesus came from Heaven (John 8:23, Revelations 21:27)
1. Death is not the end of everything
2. A longing of an eternal home (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
3. God's Word speaks very much and clearly of Heaven (672 references to Heaven or heavens)
4. Jesus came from Heaven (John 8:23, Revelations 21:27)
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Wimbledon
Just saw Venus Williams beat an injured Lindsay Davenport after going a set down and never leading till the second-last game. Too bad no Sharapova. Sigh.
On to FedEx v Mandy Moore's ex!
On to FedEx v Mandy Moore's ex!
2nd Zara purchase
I bought
A baby blue Zara stretch tee for $16.90 (UP: $24.90)
I thought I bought the purple one. Sigh. Saw wrongly.
A baby blue Zara stretch tee for $16.90 (UP: $24.90)
I thought I bought the purple one. Sigh. Saw wrongly.
Commonly misused words
Hopefully:
Sentence: "Hopefully the meeting is on Thursday."
What this means: "THe meeting on Thursday will be held in an atmosphere of hope."
What you meant: "I hope the meeting will be on THursday."
Everyday and every day
Every day (noun): "I eat dinner every day."
Everyday (adjective): "Eating dinner is an everyday affair."
Sentence: "Hopefully the meeting is on Thursday."
What this means: "THe meeting on Thursday will be held in an atmosphere of hope."
What you meant: "I hope the meeting will be on THursday."
Everyday and every day
Every day (noun): "I eat dinner every day."
Everyday (adjective): "Eating dinner is an everyday affair."
Words of Wisdom II
1. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
2. Support bacteria; they're the only culture some people have.
3. Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
4. Everyone has photographic memory - some just have no film.
5. If barbie's so popular, how come you have to buy her friends?
6. Light travels faster than sound: that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. Support bacteria; they're the only culture some people have.
3. Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
4. Everyone has photographic memory - some just have no film.
5. If barbie's so popular, how come you have to buy her friends?
6. Light travels faster than sound: that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Damn Murphy's Law!
When I need a cab it never comes.
When I don't need one like last night, 30 come in the space of 9 minutes! And this is just before midnight!
When I don't need one like last night, 30 come in the space of 9 minutes! And this is just before midnight!
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