Friday, March 31, 2006
Stelios Giannakopoulos (Kena-go-polis)
Sun (Sun. Geddit?) Jihai
Player constantly going missing:
Wes (Where's) Brown
Most impractical player:
Thierry (Theory) Henry
Player who thrives in wet weather:
Jose Reina (Ho seh! Rain ah!)
Xabi (Chubby) Alonso
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Saha to continue scoring streak.
BRM: Uh-oh. This lacklustre might just be the catalyst for van Nistelrooy's return.
WHU: RvN is back.
Rooney to resume scoring.
BRM: Got one, but should've got 3.
WHU: Didn't build on the last performance.
Just need a few SOTs here and there.
NUF: Recouped value.
Hope he's preferred to Richardson.
BRM: Good thing Richardson got crocked.
WHU: Did well.
I expect big things from him this week. Sold Cahill.
BRM: One assist but capable of more.
WHU: Nothing doing.
Indulgent purchase. Sold Pires.
@MID: Spot on. Well, not quite. He shouldn't have missed from the spot.
Clean sheet assured. Don;t mind getting as many points as letters in his name.
@SUN: 8 of 13. Not bad.
@AST: Right result, but didn't come on.
Assured of one game. Hope Brown stays down.
BRM: Good performance.
WHU: Top defender!
Edwin van der Sar
Key strategic change. Replaces Reina.
BRM: Spot on. Player of the weekend.
WHU: 44 points!
Projected points: 142.1
Actual points: 147.0
Week 33 has just passed.
Aaron (2853 pts) strengthens 1st place with 147 pts, thanks to Edwin van der Sar, Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo.
The gap is now 231.5 pts as Clarence (2621.5 pts) loses ground in 2nd place with 64 pts, no thanks to Steven Gerrard, Robbie Fowler, Ray Parlour, Chris Riggott and Peter Ramage.
Gareth (2617 pts) retakes 3rd place with 137 pts, only 4.5 points behind Clarence, thanks to van der Sar, Ronaldo and Nemanja Vidic.
Benedict (2537 pts) strengthens 6th place with the 3rd-highest score of 154.5 pts, thanks to Darren Bent, Ruud van Nistelrooy and Nigel Reo-Coker.
Benjamin (2422 pts) rises 3 places to 8th with the highest score of 157.5 pts, thanks to van der Sar, Ryan Giggs, Ronaldo and Rio Ferdinand.
Darrell (2343.5 pts) rises 1 place to 11th with the 2nd-highest score of 155.5 pts, thanks to van der Sar, Giggs and Ronaldo.
Jasmine (2415 pts) strengthens 5th place, just 18 points behind Chongkiat (2581.5 pts) with 152.5 pts, thanks to van der Sar, Giggs, Rooney and Steven Reid.
At the other end, Eddy (998 pts) couldn't pull anything out of the pocket as he gets the worst score of 27.5 pts, no thanks to scoreless Hernan Crespo, Fernando Morientes, Arjen Robben, Francesc Fabregas, Djimi Traore, Kolo Toure and Glen Johnson.
See you next week!
Monday, March 27, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at maths.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Change is inevitable, except froma a vending machine.
All generalisations are false.
Families are like fudge: mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Week 32 has just passed.
Aaron (2589.5 pts) strengthens 1st place with the highest score of 120.5 pts, thanks to Tim Cahill, James McFadden and Robert Pires.
The gap is now 144.5 pts as Clarence (2565.5 pts) strengthens 2nd place with 89.5 pts, thanks to McFadden, Stelios Giannakopoulos and Steven Gerrard.
Chongkiat (2518 pts) strengthens 3rd place with 79.5 pts, only 38.5 points ahead of Gareth (2479.5 pts), thanks to Cahill, Michael Carrick and Wayne Rooney.
Benjamin (2269 pts) strengthens 11th place with the 3rd-highest score of 98 pts, thanks to Emmanuel Adebayor, Kevin Davies, Robert Pires and Mikel Arteta.
Theophane (2014 pts) strengthens 15th place with the 2nd-highest score of 103 pts, thanks to Paul Robinson, Carrick and Fabio Rochemback.
Jasmine (2415 pts) hangs on to 5th place, just 32.5 points ahead of Benedict (2382.5 pts) with 68 pts, despite poor performances from Steven Reid, Marlon Harewood, Robin van Persie and Sun Jihai.
At the other end, Teckseng (1700 pts) might as well be a permanent fixture here, as he again gets the worst score of 34 pts, no thanks to Edgar Davids, Park Ji-Sung, Darren Fletcher and Asier del Horno.
See you next week!
Sunday, March 19, 2006
I had a decent game. Rustiness was there. But I lasted the match well and had a few bright moments.
A 2-2 draw in the end, but it was evenly contested. We conceded the equaliser in the last minute as the weary legs gave way.
Till next time!
With West Ham having a FA Cup QF, Bobby might get his chance.
POR: Broke even. Should've gotten Sheringham or Benayoun.
Got him after the update, so this represents a gamble. Couldn't decide between the three United strikers.
@WBA: Should've gotten Saha, but a decent return.
Birmingham have many injuries. Defoe and Keane could wreak havoc. Sold Ashton.
@BRM: Scored but didn't do much else.
Due a goal.
AST: But he gets two!
Playing good football. Sold J Cole.
AST: A well-taken goal and two assists.
I feel Nolan is more consistent and that Stelios got lucky. Let's see.
SUN: Get's a captain's goal. Spot on about Stelios.
Pires + Henry = goals galore. Sold Fabregas.
CHA: Instrumental for Arsenal.
Starts for Brown. Sold Evra.
@WBA: An Ellington goal away from 9.5 points, but you take what you get.
As per Zamora, might get his chance.
POR: More than three-fold return.
Tal Ben Haim
Sunderland at the Reebok? No chance. Sold Abdoulaye Faye.
SUN: Fuss-free perfomance. Faye was benched.
Jose Manuel Reina
Projected points: 73.4
Actual points: 112.0
Friday, March 17, 2006
Week 31 has just passed.
Aaron (2589.5 pts) slips in 1st place with 58.5 pts, no thanks to Jason Roberts, Daniel Agger, Xabi Alonso, Jermaine Pennant and Zat Knight.
The gap is now 113.5 pts as Clarence (2476 pts) takes 2nd place with the highest score of 150.5 pts, thanks to James Beattie, Steven Gerrard, James McFadden and Robbie Fowler.
Chongkiat (2438.5 pts) drops to 3rd place with 58.5 pts, only 11 points ahead of Gareth (2427.5 pts), no thanks to Stewart Downing, Roberts, Carlos Bocanegra and Nuno Valente.
Edgar (2240 pts) rises 2 places to 7th with the 3rd-highest score of 127.5 pts, thanks to Stelios Giannakopoulos, Luis Garcia and Gerrard.
Lianbin (2236 pts) rises 2 places to 8th with the 2nd-highest score of 130 pts, thanks to Wayne Rooney, Gerrard and Edwin van der Sar.
Jasmine (2347 pts) jumps into 5th place, just 31.5 points ahead of Benedict (2315.5 pts) with 113 pts, thanks to Rooney, James McFadden, Fernando Morientes and Harry Kewell.
At the other end, Hingyau (2222.5 pts) was wondering about who would have the worst score of 47.5 pts. It turned out to be him, no thanks to Marlon Harewood, Arjen Robben, Sylvain Distin, Stephen Ireland and Paul Konchesky.
See you next week!
Best Fulham striker with 2 games.
@EVE: Could've done better.
@LIV: Could've done better.
Dirt cheap option, in absence of Cole. Against Pompey too.
@POR: A decent performance.
Any player can score against the Black Cats.
To continue good form.
Cheapest Pool midfielder.
@ARS: Will his red card be rescinded? Don't hold your breath.
Back from suspension.
Wigan to get over cup disappointment against Sunderland.
Wigan to get over cup disappointment against Sunderland.
@SUN: Scores the winner.
Assured of one game.
@EVE: Concedes penalty.
@LIV: OK lah.
Jose Manuel Reina
@ARS: Stoopid Gerrard.
FUL: Almost a clean sheet.
Projected points: 112.0
Actual points: 47.5
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Which brings me to V for Vendetta and the fact that Moore has once again, requested his name be removed from the film. Not only that, but he is severing his ties with DC after delivering his final League book. Now, given that the Wachowski's wrote the screenplay and the Wachowski's certainly possess ample imagination (*cough*), it would make one at least hope that they'd respect someone who possesses a similarly large imagination and recognize the precision thereof.
Prime example, as we are introduced to V for the first time in a scene that is taken directly from the book with little deviation up till this point. Those who have read the book know how V first meets Evey, in the dark alley after rescuing her. Here is, word for word, the speech written for V by the Wachowski brothers.
He indicates his mask
"This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vangquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."
Are you like, a crazy-person?
Stop laughing. I still have a review to write.
It's rare that written dialogue angers me, but when I read the first interaction between V and Evey, it made me livid. They had already swept the rug out from underneath the very character that is to carry the entire film. Rather than present him as he is in the book, an exacting and charismatic mind, they first give him the aforementioned speech. Then the event, the very thing that is intended to kick off the entire film, the destruction of Madame Justice and Old Bailey, is prefaced by a misguided and generally retarded approximation by the Wachowski's on what constitutes "charisma." These are the same two people that wrote the heavy-handed monologuing of the Matrix films, so take a guess as to how V is written.
After that point, the character is buying back credibility, not existing as a charismatic and dangerous individual. The destruction of the two landmarks and V's behavior during this is such a hugely negative establishing scene for the character that he never really attains the value that all of the other characters in the film appear to fear him for. This character is not attractive because he conducts Beethoven, conductor's baton and all, while blowing up a landmark. He's attractive because not only are his ideas dangerous, but he has the willingness and confidence to execute them with little or no fear. This does not mean a character who is flippant in their portrayal of detached cool should be written. And yet, that is what we get.
If the Wachowski's could rewrite the first 30-40 pages of the script, they'd have a decent story on their hands, although the script would still need some massive doctoring. Granted, their handling of the passage of a year is paltry and the inter-governmental clawings are glossed over, but the overall structure of the story is preserved. There are no power struggles really alluded to until the very last act of the play where certain character's wife says, out of the blue, "This could be the chance we've been waiting for." Other characters, the Priest and Finch for instance, are brought in to do their one thing to push the story along and never really exist as they do in the book, namely as people living and reacting to the governmental system in place.
Thankfully, the one thing that remains most untouched are the Larkhill moments when Surridge's diary is read and we learn about V's genesis. As written, it is perfect in note and tone to what the original book was trying to do. They make no definite allusions to who V is, make no references to his appearance. Nothing and thank God for it.
Another significant part of the book that remains largely pure is the torture and mind-warp of Evey. It is almost beat-for-beat the same and works so much better without the Wachowksi's editorializing and tinkering. They even leave the letter in. But, once again, provided the audience hasn't gone brain dead from the "V" monologue, the character of V has been pre-emptively sabotaged. The scene doesn't hold the same weight or meaning. Not only that, but the entire conclusion to it is telegraphed with the way Evey is captured to begin with.
The thing that suffers the most, aside from the horrid opening?
Naturally, it is the ending.
And yes, there are huge spoilers ahead. Go away if you want to preserve some semblance of purity when you see it eventually.
As the film is coming to its end, and the riots are taking place, V and Evey are going about executing their final plan. Apparently, at this point in the film the Wachowski's were uncertain of the audience's ability to grasp V as a symbol, as someone representative of each and every citizen of England, so they decide to help them out. Their idea of helping the audience along? Each and every citizen of England that riots is wearing a V mask. Nevermind where these masks have come from (if they're from V, that's simply dumb. If there's some plant in fascist England mass-producing them, that's also dumb), everyone is wearing them and it strikes terror in the hearts of the Bad People.
The script ends about four or five pages before the book does. If you've read it, you know where this is and it is somewhat unsatisfying that the script leaves us with Evey smiling at the camera, but that's where it comes to a shuddering halt.
I'm not at all surprised at Moore's removal. Granted, this is the second draft and there've surely been rewrites (hopefully on the introductory moments with V, especially the monologue), but as it stands the script is not concerned with the ideas Moore had put into play. There is nothing sinister about the government. It isn't subtle and manipulative at all like the graphic novel presented it to be. It is Evil with a capital E, black bags over the head and everything. Pothrero is not the Voice of England, but a screaming voice, devoid of nuance and subtlety, a damning indication of elementary screenwriting by two hacks. He's f**king Fred Phelps, veins bulging and eyes wide. As he is written now, he's a caricature. Not a character. Not the Lewis Pothrero of the book, which is the correct Pothrero, not because it was Moore who wrote him, but because the character of that book was an accurate and critical visualization of a form of propaganda. He is someone people would watch for guidance and support, he would be their voice. The character of the script is a f**king annoyance, someone you'd turn off in a split second only to put an end to his ceaseless bleating. And I don't buy for a second that the moment your society enters into totalitarianism, you settle for bleating. Hitler did not bleat, Mussolini did not bleat, W did not bleat, and the Voice of England should not bleat. But bleat he does.
God, I wanted to love this script. Even after the first 40 pages, when the story finally began to gather momentum, I was cheering for a conclusion that'd dispel the horrible curse that Moore has been suffering under. Up until the V army appears, I was willing to compromise for a very pedestrian adaptation. There are so many sins committed, though, so many horrible characters drawn from the novel that it is almost an alien creation as a result. If I had given birth to a flawed masterpiece such as V for Vendetta in the first place, there would be no way in hell I'd want this mutilated fetus in exchange for it splayed out on the screen for everyone to watch.
Taken from Ain't It Cool News (http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=20348).
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Monday, March 13, 2006
Saturday, March 11, 2006
(known to self and others)
insecure, lethargic, needy, childish
(known only to others)
inflexible, timid, aloof, withdrawn, selfish, inane, ignorant, boastful, impatient, panicky, insensitive, passive, rash, predictable, inattentive, unreliable, foolish
(known only to self)
(known to nobody)
incompetent, intolerant, cowardly, violent, glum, stupid, simple, irresponsible, vulgar, hostile, unhappy, unhelpful, cynical, unimaginative, brash, cruel, irrational, distant, imperceptive, chaotic, weak, embarrassed, loud, vacuous, unethical, self-satisfied, smug, dispassionate, overdramatic, dull, callous, cold, humourless
66% of people agree that Aaron Wong is insecure
incompetent (0%) intolerant (0%) inflexible (16%) timid (16%) cowardly (0%) violent (0%) aloof (33%) glum (0%) stupid (0%) simple (0%) insecure (66%) irresponsible (0%) vulgar (0%) lethargic (33%) withdrawn (16%) hostile (0%) selfish (16%) unhappy (0%) unhelpful (0%) cynical (0%) needy (16%) unimaginative (0%) inane (16%) brash (0%) cruel (0%) ignorant (33%) irrational (0%) distant (0%) childish (50%) boastful (33%) blasé (0%) imperceptive (0%) chaotic (0%) impatient (16%) weak (0%) embarrassed (0%) loud (0%) vacuous (0%) panicky (16%) unethical (0%) insensitive (33%) self-satisfied (0%) passive (16%) smug (0%) rash (16%) dispassionate (0%) overdramatic (0%) dull (0%) predictable (16%) callous (0%) inattentive (16%) unreliable (16%) cold (0%) foolish (16%) humourless (0%)
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a stuttering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijah was suicid! al
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Naomi was a widow
Job went bankrupt
John the Baptist ate bugs
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ulcer
Lazarus was dead!
No more excuses now. God can use you to your full potential.
Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger.
1. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
2. Dear God, I have a problem, it's me.
3. Growing old is inevitable; growing up is optional.
4. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
5. Silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted.
6. Do the math; count your blessings.
7. Faith is the ability to not panic.
8. Laugh every day; it's like inner jogging.
9. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.
10. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.
11. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
12. The most important things ! in your house are the people.
13. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
Share this with a friend or two. In the Circle of God's love, God's waiting to use your full potential.
May God Always Bless You!
(known to self and others)
intelligent, logical, organised, self-conscious, witty
(known only to others)
able, accepting, adaptable, caring, cheerful, clever, complex, confident, dependable, dignified, extroverted, friendly, happy, helpful, idealistic, independent, introverted, kind, knowledgeable, mature, modest, nervous, observant, patient, proud, reflective, relaxed, religious, responsive, shy, silly, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense, trustworthy, warm
(known only to self)
(known to nobody)
bold, brave, calm, energetic, giving, ingenious, loving, powerful, quiet, searching, self-assertive, sentimental, wise
able (7%) accepting (23%) adaptable (11%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (11%) cheerful (19%) clever (11%) complex (3%) confident (19%) dependable (11%) dignified (3%) energetic (0%) extroverted (3%) friendly (38%) giving (0%) happy (7%) helpful (11%) idealistic (23%) independent (3%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (23%) introverted (3%) kind (7%) knowledgeable (38%) logical (3%) loving (0%) mature (11%) modest (7%) nervous (7%) observant (11%) organised (3%) patient (15%) powerful (0%) proud (15%) quiet (0%) reflective (19%) relaxed (7%) religious (19%) responsive (11%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (3%) sensible (0%) sentimental (0%) shy (3%) silly (26%) spontaneous (11%) sympathetic (3%) tense (7%) trustworthy (15%) warm (7%) wise (0%) witty (34%)
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Week 30 has just passed.
Aaron (2531.5 pts) slips in 1st place with 84.5 pts, thanks to Georgios Samaras, James Milner and Jose Manuel Reina.
The gap is now 151.5 pts as Chongkiat (2380 pts) gains ground in 2nd place with 94.5 pts, thanks to Samaras, Ahmed Hossam Mido and Reina.
Gareth (2350.5 pts) retakes 3rd place with the 2nd-highest Week 30 score of 107 pts, only 25 points ahead of Clarence (2325.5 pts), thanks to Thierry Henry, Samaras, Reina, Belezoglu Emre and Michael Carrick.
Andrew (1754.5 pts) strengthens 16th place with the 3rd-highest Week 30 score of 97.5 pts, thanks to Mido, Milan Baros, Steed Malbranque, Reina and Carrick.
Jasmine (2234 pts) strengthens 6th place, just 17 points behind Benedict (2251 pts) with 118 pts, thanks to Mido, Nolberto Solano, Harry Kewell, Joe Cole and Baros.
At the other end, Teckseng (1598.5 pts) gets Punk'd with the worst Week 30 score of 35.5 pts, no thanks to a scoreless Gary Neville, Asier del Horno, Darren Fletcher, Jermain Defoe and Hernan Crespo.
See you next week!
Due a goal, hernia or no hernia.
SUN: Unlucky not to score because of desperate defending from Sunderland.
Dirt cheap option, in absence of Cole.
SUN: What a payoff! Goal-king Cole might struggle to get his place back.
Likes scoring against the Latics.
@WIG: Poor team performance.
To continue good form.
@MID: Decent performance.
Eat his dust.
@WBA: I eat my foot.
Seems to be a popular pick.
POR: Outstanding wing performance.
Cheap option even with Babayaro playing.
BOL: Good defending stats. Three blocked shots!
BRM: Got the clean sheet.
SUN: Did OK.
SUN: Did not play.
Jose Manuel Reina
CHA: If only they'd scored.
Projected points: 73.9
Actual points: 84.5
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive but don't reach out for the things you know are impossible or things that make you look stupid.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next country. And if this doesn't work, try to figure out what you are doing that causes the guilt & try to work on whatever it is in your life that is causing it. Maybe you have taken on a new project & it is more than you should handle.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50.
And your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was angry! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said.
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. You childproofed your homes, but they are still getting in.
7. Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!
Place mats: They only show up when there's food on the table.
Mascara: They run at the first sign of emotion.
Government bonds: They take so long to mature.
Parking spots: The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Photocopiers: You need them for reproduction, and that's about it.
Lava lamps: Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Bank accounts: Without much money, they don't generate much interest.
High heels: Easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.