Tuesday, May 30, 2006

X-men 4?

Excellent movie. Had me riveted throughout, which says a lot. Spesh effects were non-intrusive and believable. Explored ethical issues and they weren't afraid to kill off pivotal characters.

Seems to me like there's a fourth instalment, and that they left it hanging so the next team has something to work with. Best of the trilogy.

Remember to stay after the credits. =]

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Jehovah's names

Jehovah Shalom: He is my Peace
Jehovah Raah: He is my Shepherd
Jehovah Tsidkenu: He is my Righteousness
Jehovah Nissi: He is my Banner
Jehovah Sabaoth: He is the Lord of Hosts
Jehovah Maqodeshkim: He Sanctifies us
Jehovah Jireh: He is my Provider
Jehovah Rapha: He is my Healer
Jehovah Shammah: He is Present and Near
Elohim: The Creator
El Shaddai: God Almighty

Things Mum Would Never Say

How on earth can you see the TV so far back?
Just leave all the lights on; it makes the house look more cheery.
Let me smell that shirt. Yeah, it's good for another week.
Well, if Johnny's mum says it's ok, that's good enough for me.
The curfew is just a general time to aim for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.
I don't have a tissue with me, so just use your sleeve.

Excuse me, are you the father?

A man speaks frantically into the phone.
"My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" then man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Friday, May 26, 2006

Fantasy Football World Cup

You have been invited to join aaroniemcwonley's Private Group in McDonald's/FIFA World Cup Fantasy Game.

In order to join the group, just go to game front page and click on the "Sign Up" button to create a team. After completing registration, or if you already have a team, go to the "Groups" homepage, then click the "Join Group" line and follow the path to join an existing private group. Then, when prompted, enter the following information...

Group ID#: 2303
Password: aaronwong

We will send you a confirmation with further details once you have completed the registration process.

-- McDonald's/FIFA World Cup Fantasy Game

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

He's not exactly Allen Iverson

"If he is the answer, it's a bloody stupid question."
Former Cabinet minister and sports fan David Mellor on the selection of Liverpool striker Peter Crouch for the England World Cup squad.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Men of Letters

Watched my first proper musical at NUS today. I still don't think it's worth shelling out close to a hundred, but thoroughly enjoyed myself.

There was Samantha Foo and Maryann Lu too. Too old friends. Plus Iskandar Ismail, who I worked with during my NS days.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

I hate Chelsea!

Corporate Fables

A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day.
A rabbit came a long and asked him, "Can I also be like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow said, "Sure! Why not?"
So the rabbit sat and rested by the tree.
Suddenly, a fox came along, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be very high up.

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
The bull replied, "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings? It is full of nutrients and will give you the energy you need to fly all the way up."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough energy to reach the top of the tree.
Soon, a farmer spotted the turkey and shot it out of the tree.
Moral: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

The Constipated Chief

In a Red Indian camp there lived a chief who had a problem: he had constipation. So he sent his apprentice Running Water to the medicine man to fetch some medicine, which would move his bowels.

The apprentice went to the medicine man and said, "Big Chief, no shit!" The medicine man gave the boy a small package saying, "This is a strong medicine. Take only in a small quantity. Ask chief to take this." The apprentice went back and gave it to the chief, who took it happily.

But again the next day, the chief had no luck. The apprentice went back to the medicine man and said, "Big Chief, no shit!" The medicine man gave a stronger dose this time. The boy went back and handed it to the chief. Again he had no luck so the next day Running Water went back and said, "Big Chief, no shit!"

The medicine man gave him the strongest dose and said, "Give this to chief." The boy returned and gave it to the chief, who was now desperate.

The next day the boy returned saying, "Medicina man, medicine man! Big shit, no chief!"

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Musical Interlude

How do you know when the lead singer is knocking on your door?
He never knows when to come in and he can't find the key.

How do you make a bass player laugh?
Tell them that the guitarist realized he was playing too much.

How do you get two trumpet players to play in tune?
Shoot one of them!

How many vocalists does it take to change a light bulb?
One! She stands on the ladder and the whole world revolves around her!

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.

How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Twenty, one to hold the bulb and nineteen to drink beer till the room spins.

Did you hear about the guitarist who locked his keys in his car?
He couldn't get the drummer out.

How is an electric guitar like a vacuum cleaner?
They both suck when you plug them in.

What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!

A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says, "Very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going on and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts, "What happens when the drumming stops?!"
"Bass solo."

How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

Johnny to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey, guys, why don't we try one of my songs?"

How do you make a bass player turn down the volume?
Put a chart in front of him.

What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

What happens if you play blues music backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
"Hey man, I just do sound."

How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.

What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.

What is the ideal weight for a conductor?
About 2 1/2 lbs. including the urn.

Why is a conductor like a condom?
It's safer with one, but more fun without.

Why are drummer jokes so short?
So drummers can understand them.

What do do with a guitar player that can't play?
Give him sticks, put him in the back, and call him a drummer.
What do you do if he can't do that?
Take away the sticks, put him up front, and call him a singer.

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?

Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"

What is the difference between a guitar player and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathisers.

What's the difference between a drummer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the first thing a drummer does in the morning?
Puts on his clothes and goes home.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. - Frank Zappa

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Khaki Rider Papette Wave AD beach sandals

I bought
Khaki Rider Papette Wave AD beach sandals for SGD29.90 from Royal Sporting House, Compasspoint

Replaces my spoilt slippers.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Words of Wisdom 4

A fine is a tax for doing wrong; a tax is a fine for doing well.

Why did the cemetary raise its burial fees and blame it on cost of living?

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them.

The early bird gets the worm but the early worm gets eaten.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

FA Cup Final 2006

I have just witnessed one of the most outstanding FA Cup finals in recent times. While I normally make it a point to avoid games not involving United, I made an exception, and a 2hr 45min one at that.

An own goal (Carragher), predator's poke (Ashton), mishit cross (Konchesky), and finally a 30-yard volley on the run (the irrepressible Gerrard), this match had it all. 3-3 it was at full-time and when extra time yielded many a cramp but nary a goal, it was time for the 10-yard lottery.

Reina regards himself as a specialist; he did his reputation no harm with three stupendous saves from tired West Ham takers.

Reina won Liverpool the cup; Gerrard gave him the opportunity. It was just about deserved.

You're Really Stupid 2

Where are those people who recommended this movie to me? It's even worse than the first one.

Jack Neo is a novelty that has worn on for far too long. To think he wants to make one every two years. Subtlety does not exist in this man's dictionary. While more talented directors coax you into their point-of-view, Neo takes it and forces it down your throat with a sledgehammer. Faulty analogy, I know, but suitable when describing his work.

Full of cliches, cringe moments, sledgehammer analogies, the list goes on. Rotten apples, the principal who follows the rules, teacher hits student whose classmates whip out their camera phones, it really is painful to watch.

While this movie may just make money from heartlander homies, I'm afraid we were just humoured in Cannes.

Jack Neo's filmmaking is an embarrassment to Singapore. Next better scriptwriter, please, before he makes it a trilogy.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Mothers Reclassified

A woman named Emily renewing her driver's licence at the County Clerk's office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just…?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother."

"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation; 'Housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient and possessed a high-sounding title like "Official Interrogator."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know... The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it)."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants, ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6-month-old baby), in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.

I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another mother".

Motherhood… What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?" I think so!

I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

Please send this to another Mother, Grandmother, Aunt, or your wife, your girlfriend, and other friends you know.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Week 39 Fantasy Football Review

Well done all!

Week 39 has just passed and the season is over!

Aaron (3388 pts) secures 1st place with 36 pts, no thanks to the scoreless James Beattie, Robin van Persie, Antoine Sibierski, Gary Naysmith and Nicky Hunt.

The final gap is a respectable 146.5 pts as Clarence (3241.5 pts) claims 2nd place with 45 pts and finishes 39 pts ahead of Chongkiat (3162.5 pts), despite the inept performances of van Persie, Beattie, Ashley Cole, Francesc Fabregas and Jay-Jay Okocha.

Chongkiat (3069 pts) rises 1 place to 3rd with the highest score of 93.5 pts, thanks to Antti Niemi, Louis Saha and Ryan Giggs.

Amos (2807.5 pts) secures 11th place with the 2nd-highest score of 81 pts, thanks to Edwin van der Sar, Saha and Peter Crouch.

Syafiq (2775 pts) secures 13th place with the 3rd-highest score of 72.5 pts, thanks to Cristiano ROnaldo, James Milner, Michael Carrick and Mathhew Sadler.

Jasmine (3115 pts) loses out on 3rd place and has to settle for 4th with 43 pts, only 47.5 points behind Chongkiat, no thanks to the scoreless van Persie, Beattie and Chris Riggott .

At the other end, Gareth (2965.5 pts) and Keh (1911.5 pts) end the season ignominously with the worst score of 0 pts, thanks to empty teamsheets for consecutive weeks!

See you next season!

(season review to follow)

Fantasy Football Week 39

This is my team for Week 39.

James Beattie
Should do well against relegated WBA.
WBA: Rested.

Robin van Persie
Adebayor looks to be out, so I fancy RvP to start. Arsenal to leave Highbury with a bang.
WIG: Benched.

Steed Malbranque
Boro will rest players. Steed's in good form.
MID: Pathetic.

Steven Gerrard
My Rolls-Royce. Will be driven to secure maximum points.
@POR: Pathetic.

Aaron Lennon
Will be driven to secure maximum points.
@WHU: Pathetic.

Shaun Wright-Phillips
Mourinho will probably rest a handful, so this represents Wright-Phillips' chance.
@NUF: Denied offside goal.

Antoine Sibierski
Will probably start. Blackburn have nothing to play for but Man City will be keen to snap a winless streak.
@BLA: Pathetic.

Emmanuel Eboue
Good clean sheet chance. Imagin him and Ashley Cole violating Wigan's fullbacks on the overlap.
WIG: Pathetic.

Gary Naysmith
I don't expect the Baggies to score.
WBA: Pathetic.

Nicky Hunt
Good chance at the Reebok against Brum.
BRM: Pathetic.

Jens Lehmann
Clean sheet looks on.
WIG: Pathetic.

Projected points: 74.9
Actual points: 36.0

Monday, May 08, 2006

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Week 38 Fantasy Football Review

Well done all!

Week 38 has just passed.

Aaron (3352 pts) strengthens 1st place with the highest score of 132 pts, thanks to Jens Lehmann, Emmanuel Eboue and Steed Malbranque. But why did he have to buy those Boro players?

The gap is now 155.5 pts as Clarence (3196.5 pts) strengthens 2nd place with the 2nd-highest score of 130 pts and is now 124.5 pts ahead of Jasmine (3072 pts), thanks to Brad Jones, Eboue, Francesc Fabregas and Malbranque.

Chongkiat (3069 pts) rises 1 place to 4th with the 3rd-highest score of 118 pts, thanks to Ryan Giggs, Antti Niemi, Eboue and Malbranque.

Jasmine (3072 pts) maintains 3rd place with 92.5 pts, only 3 points ahead of Chongkiat, thanks to Jones, Fabregas, Chris Riggott and Kolo Toure.

At the other end, Keh (1911.5 pts) quits the season with the worst score of 0 pts, thanks to an empty teamsheet for the 3rd week running!

See you next week! It's the final week!

Fantasy Football Week 38

This is my team for Week 38.

Yakubu Aiyegbeni
Nice name.
EVE: Minimal.
@MAN: Rested.
@BOL: Only slightly better.

Brian McBride
Go Brian!
@MAC: Minimal.
@SUN: Pathetic.

Steed Malbranque
Sounds like cigarettes.
@MAC: Scored but didn't do much.
@SUN: Decent.

Andres D'Alessandro
In good form.
@WIG: Recouped value.

Robert Pires
I hate his long hair.
@SUN: Should've got Fabregas.
@MAC: Sub appearance.

Trevor Sinclair
I hope he can make a comeback after his injuries.
FUL: Decent.
ARS: Pathetic.

Fabio Rochemback
Cool name!
EVE: Rested.
@MAN: Good dead-ball delivery deserved more points.
@BOL: Rested.

Emmanuel Eboue
He looks just as good as Toure.
@SUN: Decent.
@MAC: Excellent!

Chris Riggott
Think he'll do a pretty good job.
EVE: Rested.
@MAN: Did well.
@BOL: Rested.

Nicky Hunt
Who is he?
@TOT: Disappointing.
MID: Decent.

Jens Lehmann
This should be good.
@SUN: Big points.
@MAC: Big points.

Projected points: 162.7
Actual points: 132.0

Pre-match comments by guest editor Jasmine Tang

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Existential questions

Why did God create us with a free will and not as choiceless robots? So as to show His omnipotence by allowing us to choose Him. It is more impressive if a politician us elected rather than given a walkover.

How then can free will and predestination coexist? We may have free will, but God in His omnipotence has understood what choice we are going to make, hence the predestination in His perfect will.

Omnipotence cannot exist in human hands, as they are imperfect; omnipotence must remain outside the knowledge of Man and only within the knowledge of God. It is only appreciable from God's point-of-view. We can't grasp the coexistence of free will and predestination; we'll only get it when we meet God and share His knowledge.

We won't even ask, as a question is born from an absence of knowledge; as we will be unaware of any knowledge vacuum we had, these questions that so dog us now will not transpire.

Words of Wisdom 3

Wisdom comes with age but sometimes age comes alone.
Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
Laughing is good exercise, like jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.