WORDS FOR THINGS THAT SHOULD HAVE WORDS BUT DON’T

Accordionated
adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Aqualibrium
n. The point where the stream of water cooler water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from having to suck the nozzle, or squirting himself in the face.

Carperpetuation
n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a piece of lint or string at least a dozen times, reaching down and picking it up, examining it, then putting it down again to give the vacuum one more chance.

Disconfect
v. To sterilise a piece of candy dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will remove all the germs.

Ecnalubma
n. A rescue vehicle that can only be seen in the rear-view mirror.

Eleceleration
n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button, the faster it will arrive.

Frust
n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dustpan and keeps backing a person across a room, until he decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

Neonphancy
n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.

Phonesia
n. The affliction of dialling a phone number and forgetting whom yoy wre calling just as they answer.

Telecrastination
n. The act of letting the phone ring at least twice before picking it up, even though you’re right next to it.