Musical Interlude

How do you know when the lead singer is knocking on your door?
He never knows when to come in and he can't find the key.

How do you make a bass player laugh?
Tell them that the guitarist realized he was playing too much.

How do you get two trumpet players to play in tune?
Shoot one of them!

How many vocalists does it take to change a light bulb?
One! She stands on the ladder and the whole world revolves around her!

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.

How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Twenty, one to hold the bulb and nineteen to drink beer till the room spins.

Did you hear about the guitarist who locked his keys in his car?
He couldn't get the drummer out.

How is an electric guitar like a vacuum cleaner?
They both suck when you plug them in.

What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!

A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says, "Very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going on and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts, "What happens when the drumming stops?!"
"Bass solo."

How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

Johnny to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey, guys, why don't we try one of my songs?"

How do you make a bass player turn down the volume?
Put a chart in front of him.

What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

What happens if you play blues music backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
"Hey man, I just do sound."

How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.

What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.

What is the ideal weight for a conductor?
About 2 1/2 lbs. including the urn.

Why is a conductor like a condom?
It's safer with one, but more fun without.

Why are drummer jokes so short?
So drummers can understand them.

What do do with a guitar player that can't play?
Give him sticks, put him in the back, and call him a drummer.
What do you do if he can't do that?
Take away the sticks, put him up front, and call him a singer.

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.

Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"

What is the difference between a guitar player and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathisers.

What's the difference between a drummer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the first thing a drummer does in the morning?
Puts on his clothes and goes home.


Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. - Frank Zappa