Some quotes about women and marriage, tongue-in-cheek of course

Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Anonymous
Women inspire us to great things, and prevent us from achieving them.

Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Anonymous
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Sam Kinison
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

James Holt McGavran
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.

Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'