CORRECTION

It is not gone. Boil is still alive and well. Need to get it properly removed I guess. Still it hurts. Didn't stop me from playing soccer today though, played ok, and generally a hard-fought but fun match. Next stop: Vesak Day, for street soccer. Ole!

FUN FUN FUN!

Had SO much fun today at Agnes's birthday bash. 21 supposed to signal coming of age right? Wrong.
Six idiots jumping and tearing around Pasir Ris Park climbing ropes, hogging the flying fox, getting dizzy, and generally behaving like 5-year-olds. The accused: Me, 21; Agnes, (just) 21; Tina, Deepa, Alicia (all 21 i think), and Jude, twenty-freaking-five. i mean, like, jakun can? Alicia devised some weird obstacle course involing a lot of rope that we just got tangled in over and over again, and finally we scaled the summit of the spiderweb. Haven't let myself go like that since... celebrating 'O' levels finishing?

Now I feel like the playground equivalent of the Yamakasi. =]

A tushy issue

A tushy issue

Yes tushy, not touchy. Warning: May spoil dinner.

Ok let's get straight to the point: I have a boil.

Not exactly the plague that afflicted the Egyptians in Biblical times, but one's enough, if put in the right place. As it happens, this one's right on the BUTT. What a BUMMER.

OK let's describe it. If you like your chocolate, DON'T read on. Warning: Also a lot of puns.

It's recurrent as I had it like two months ago, and forced to retreat by antibiotics then, it came back with a vengeance, and err... kicked ASS.

The boil had the CHEEK to manifest itself right on my posterior, making it difficult to do everything that needs sitting, squatting, bending, stretching ie everything. Soon though, the pain proved too uncomfortable, so I went to see the MO. "Have a SEAT," he said. After telling my story, he said he'd try to remove it. Without anaesthetic. You know when you just don't have a good feeling about something? Like you don't have a good feeling about having the doctor squeezing pus outta your butt? That sorta feeling.

Ten minutes of extracting the lifeblood out of the impudent boil followed, with me alternating between gritting my teeth and biting my hand. No anaesthetic, just good ol' fashioned kneading, pushing, wrenching blah blah blah. But then it was over. And it HURT. But the Hershey's Kisses mutant was gone.

I couldn't walk straight after that, could only sit on my left buttock, and basically walked funny the whole day. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

Terrorists read here!

Terrorists read here!

I am shocked to learn that even in this time of heightened security and caution, such a blatant violation of the Official Secrets Act is so readily available, on Geocities no less! This makes a mockery of all security and anti-terrorism measures and counter-measures taken. On the website, you basically have the ENTIRE structure of the SAF, its weaponry, manpower, and even its wartime capabilities. But don't give it to the JI! They don't know yet! For Singaporeans only! Anyone keen to start a war can just log on, and he already knows what he's up against. Disgraceful. My sources tell me the powers that be have already gotten wind of this, and for quite a while, but there, the site still exists. And no one seems keen to just inform Yahoo! of the classified information online. Unless of course, it is somehow protected by the international right of free speech. Not exactly fair is it?

You can be privy to the defence of Singapore at http://www.geocities.com/mindef123/

most f*cked up day ever

This was officially the most f*cked up day ever.Close enough anyway. Let us document this for history's sake.

1. There was a run today, but decided not to, as I was having a very bad flu. Oh wait a minute, that's not number one then.

0. I woke up extremely tired, and my nose was running like a tap.

1. Ahem. So I decided to go early to office. As bad ideas go, this was bad. Caught the she-boss on a totally bad morning, and she immediately set about digging up everything I'd done wrong since January. OK I exaggerate. Just March. Then blamed me for not teaching the understudy to answer the phone properly, even though I did teach him, and he does answer the phone properly. Go figure.

2. Then harped on how I'm slacking off since Wimpo came. Has to happen right? 3 people = less work per person than 2 people?!?

3. Then harped on lack of pro-activeness. The sofas were SPOTLESS. But yet insisted we hadn't cleaned them for a long time. That's because they're clean!!! Take note, all this is before 930.

4. Reprieve at 9. Went for breakfast. Realised I'm left with $1.80 till Wednesday.

5. Came back from reprieve. 19 (!) information papers for a conference: What do they talk about?!? Spent whole afternoon receiving, opening, printing, collecting, stapling, punching, labelling, filing, checking. If mistake, repeat. 19 papers, about 5 documents each, equals 95 freaking times!!!

6. Bak kut teh for lunch. But they ran out of pork.

7. Mini-meeting in afternoon. Brought drinks to guests. Got scolded for giving without asking first. Got scolded for giving too many. Got scolded for replenishing with wrong canned drink. Stole a root beer to teach her a lesson.

8. She-boss leaves. Followed by fellow runners. Left me. Thought no need to stay, so planned to watch football match with friend who just returned from USA. SMSed Comd to ask if need to stay. No reply. Upperstudy booked out. Called understudy frantically. No reply. Still no reply from Comd. Had to cancel with prodigal friend. 5 min later, understudy calls. Arrange for him to stand in for me. Call prodigal friend. Is cooking with Mum, can't make it anymore.

9. Went down to get dinner, as didn't eat at 5 due to lousy dinner at cookhouse. Comd's SMS arrives just as I order: No need to stay. WTF?!? Bad timing can? Cancelled food order, hatched plan to hurry lock up and rush to match on cab.

10. 1910, 20min to kickoff, still in camp. Just finished washing teapot. Run up to change, changed, then realise no point. Attempts to drag someone along to watch fail.

11. While typing this, I realise I've missed the second straight episode of Daddy's Girls, starring the delectable Carrie Chong.

12. Bad day? You bet. Xian chi pua.

My brush with Chinese

My brush with Chinese

Played guitar in Mandarin service today. Not as bad as expected, though couldn't understand a word they were singing. Oh wait, I understood "Ah-men". Isn't that, like, Mandarin for amen? Cool.

On another note. Just got my Basic and Advanced Driving Theory booklets. Now to mug.

On yet another note, do "moo" ie comment on my posts, or "tag" on the tagboard. Alternatively, you can "message" ie pick up that handphone of yours and start dropping me an SMS. =] C'mon, free speech people!

On yet another note in this cacophonic post, I happen to be writing the scripts for this year's NDP 04. Just the scripts for one Mass Display item, and the Total Defence video. Normally I'd be happy. But my military apathy takes centrestage, and it just means more work. as they say, mai zo, mai zo; ai zo, zo sui sui. Erm, got that?

More stoopid security measures

More stoopid security measures

This happened in Taiwan I think. Some sorta rally, where there were schoolchildren.

Over-zealous nitwits refused to allow people to use brollies despite a heavy downpour, and asked schoolkids to open lunchboxes to prove they had no ordnance. Guess they had muifan in the rain then.

Stoopid. Maybe the Taiwanese shouldn't run their own country after all.

A Tryst

My bunkmate (let's call him Engkiat. No. Let's call him Kenneth Cheow. Nah let's call him CPL Anon) has a crush on Leong. Leong is the epitome of perfect mother-of-pearl whites, beautiful handwriting, and a bod to die for (if you happen to have his, you'd die too).

CPL Anon and I were taking the bus back to camp.
Anon: There're quite a few chio bus (visually appealing females) on the 927 today.
Me, after discreetly looking behind: Who're you lookng at. There's seriously none lor.
Anon: Huh? I was looking at Leong what.

Then again in the bunk. Anon was saying how he'd get Leong to stay in our bunk when he ORDs to erm, torture me, but he said it this way.
Anon: I can't wait to get Leong into my bed.
Oh dear.

Come to think of it, as we were walking up from guardhouse, Anon was panting quite a bit just thinking of Leong. Just like a b*tch in heat. Must be thinking of how he's gonna get some Leong's Loins.

Disgusting.

"Are you hungry?"

If this is any precursor of the type of humour I will be subject to with my understudy, then God help me.
Kangrong (upperstudy) and I were going for dinner, and the following exchange transpired between understudy (let's call him Wimpo) and me.
Me: We're going for dinner. Are you hungry?
Smurfy (deadpan): No, I'm Wimpo.
Me: ... (speechless at his amazing wit and candour)

How to have a healthy diet by CPT (Dr.) Wah Chin Pui

How to have a healthy diet by CPT (Dr.) Wah Chin Pui

With so much concern about BMI (Body Mass Index) and healthy living lately, I've compiled a list of Q&As to help you to understand the truth about healthy living!

Q: I've heard cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste exercise, ehich makes your heart beat faster. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer - that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take more naps.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more vegetables?
A: You have to grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay. And what is this? A vegetable. So a steak is nothing more than nature's efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Beef is a good source of green leafy vegetables (grass), and a really big pork chop can gove you 100% of your vegetable requirement.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, the ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, the ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are the advantages of participating in a regular exercise programme?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain ... good.

Q: Are fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening, Foods are fried with vegetable oil these days. They're permeated with it! How can getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help me lose weight round the middle?
A: Definitely not! Whaen you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. Sit-ups give you a bigger belly.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Helloooo. Cocoa beans = another vegetable! So go binge! Especially on fruit and nut!

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Round is a shape.

I hope I've answered some of your misconceptions. Contact me at quack@malpractice.com

IPPT passed!

Woohoo! Cleared 1st year IPPT. Could've pushed for silver, but stopped at 6 chinups. Everything else was silver standard though. Should I try again? Moo now. =]

just watched van helsing, and the animation and fx is top class. very enjoyable, but nothing we have't seen before. some LotR-like scenery shots, and nicely animated creatures though. hugh jackman seems to be stuck as wolverine, and kate beckinsale in underworld (with an atrocious Eastern bloc accent). So how come frankenstein looked like Lurch from Addams family? and Drcula's helpers like carnivorous Ewoks? and Dracula's offspring like gremlins? this movie borrowed everything from everywhere. only thing original is the brides of dracula. dripping with evil man. and didn't the funeral pyre remind you of the one where faramir (i think) was almost burnt to death? and isn't carl : van helsing = Q : James Bond? I'd give 3 stars, but bump that up to 3 and a half, just for the fx.

man oh man. it just gets funnier at my unit.
my S3 (let's call him flintstone) asked the ops clerk to check something on the intranet. for his privacy, let's call the clerk WtF, or WF for short. WF thinking the msg was from his fren of the same name, smsed: "not free lah. what time oredi?"
whereupon he realised the gravity of his error, and quickly tried to remove his battery to prevent the msg from being sent.
too late.
a look of abject terror was on his face as he jumped around the office shouting: how? how? how?
S3 came back later, and WF went to apologise. S3's response? "wah your ba**s getting bigger ah, WF?"
we intend to give WF a medal of courage.

i just came across the ultimate in por-ing yesterday. the PA was interviewing 3 prospective runners to replace my upperstudy.

so she asked: "if you do anything wrong, then i will scold you a lot. can you handle that."

pretty desperate prospective runner, who doesn't know what he's getting himself into (poor sad soul): "it would be a privilege." deadpan. stoic even.

me and my upperstudy were jsut rolling on the floor laughing for a good 5 minutes. i realised it wouldn't be so funny if i were to spend the next year and a half with this guy. eek.

Here's something i submitted for a competition to win Radiohead's Hail to the Thief.

Hail to the Thief

She creeps stealthily, a cat with sheathed claws. She flits from host to host, lighting up the place with her Cheshire smile. Her intentions are pure - yet impure - because she knows perfectly well what she wants: she has spotted the big catch. The big, fat cat if you will. There it is, that smile again. Already she fills my thoughts. Alas! she is gone as quickly as she had come; she is nowhere to be seen. Gone. Hail to the thief, for she has stolen my heart.
Along with that gentleman’s wallet.

Translated here.

The Free and the Captured

‘Twas a beautiful garden, with a beautiful house
A house in which a little boy passed his days inside
Sometimes, stealthily, silently, softly as a mouse
The little boy in the little house would choose to sneak outside

It was a beautiful garden, as anyone could see,
The very type of garden that would drive away your gloom
Every morn the air would stir, butterflies and bees
For everywhere the sun did touch the flowers would just bloom!

Yellow, red and baby blue
It really was quite a sight!
But I believe you really should
See the fireflies at night!

One fine day the boy came out
To bask in the bright yellow sun
Of one little fact he had no doubt
Today he would have fun!

‘Twas only the night before
As he was lying down in bed
That he liked this idea even more
Till the thought stuck in his head!

“I will catch for myself with a net
A big blue butterfly
And love it as dearly as a pet!”
He jubilantly cried

Of all the lot
He caught for fun
He counted the spots
One by one

In due course, the sun did set
The end of time allotted
But the little boy had a brand new pet
In a brand new sealed-up bottle

The little pair proved in separable
Together day and night
And like all good pals compatible
They seldom did have fights

Alas! one was happy; the other wasn’t
The feeling was not mutual
The little winged one felt so boxed in
It felt so ineffectual!

The little boy sensed its distress
As inside he was peering
He saw the spots, once mostest
Were slowly disappearing!

As the boy contemplated the plight of the creature
A strong gust came and blew
The jar down to the ground into a million slivers . . .
And away the butterfly flew

Running to the window
Glass beneath his soles
The butterfly’s flight reached a crescendo
As the boy pondered the switch of roles

Love is meant to be free; why let it hold you captive?

Here's a poem I wrote in French class (with help from Systranbox.com) =]

Le Libre et Capturés

C'était un beau jardin, avec une belle maison
Une maison dans laquelle un petit garçon a passé ses jours à l'intérieur
Parfois, furtivement, silencieusement, doucement comme souris
Le petit garçon dans la petite maison choisirait de partir furtivement dehors

C'était un beau jardin, car n'importe qui pourrait voir
Le type même de jardin qui conduirait loin votre tristesse
Chaque matin l'air remuerait, des papillons et des abeilles
Pour le soleil avez touché partout les fleurs fleurirait juste!

Jaune, rouge et bleu de bébé
C'était vraiment tout à fait une vue!
Mais je crois que vous devriez vraiment
Voyez les lucioles la nuit!

Un jour beau le garçon a sorti
Pour se dorer dans le soleil jaune lumineux
D'un peu de fait il n'a eu aucun doute
Aujourd'hui il aurait l'amusement!

C'était seulement la nuit avant
Comme il se situait vers le bas dans le lit
Qu'il a aimé cette idée encore plus
Jusqu'à ce que la pensée ait collé dans sa tête!

"J'attraperai pour me avec un filet
Un grand papillon bleu
Et aimez l’aussi chèrement comme animal de compagnie!"
Il a radieusement pleuré.

De tout le sort
Il a attrapé pour l'amusement
Il a compté les taches
Un par un

En temps opportun, le soleil a placé
La fin du temps répartie
Mais le petit garçon a eu un animal de compagnie nouvel
Dans une bouteille scellée vers le haut nouvelle

La petite paire prouvée dans séparable
Ensemble jour et nuit
Et comme tous les bons Kumpel compatibles
Ils rarement ont eu des combats

Hélas! on était heureux; l'autre n'était pas
Le sentiment n'était pas mutuel
Le peu s'est envolé un senti ainsi enfermé dans une boîte dedans
Il s'est senti si inefficace!

Le petit garçon a senti sa détresse
En tant qu'intérieur il dévisageait
Il a vu les taches, une fois que les la plupart
Disparaissaient lentement!

Comme le garçon a contemplé la situation difficile de la créature
Une rafale forte est venue et a soufflé
La fiole vers le bas à la terre dans mille rubans
Et loin le papillon a volé

Courir à la fenêtre
Verre sous ses semelles
Le vol du papillon a atteint un crescendo
Comme le garçon a considéré le commutateur des rôles

L'amour est censé pour être libre; pourquoi laissez-le vous juger captif?

Just watched Kill Bill Vol. 2 last night. Good news is that you don't really need to watch the first one to appreciate Vol. 2. Tarantino's loving lens casts his muse, Uma Thurman, in such a loving light that the Bride's quest for revenge becomes our own. As Bud (Michael Madsen) put it, "she deserves her revenge, and we deserve to die." Such inevitability has you waiting to see how the Bride emerges from the direst circumstances, including one where she was bound and buried alive. The film is not without its humourous moments, despite its foreboding trepidation. It was almost poetic the way Elle (Daryl Hannah) dies. With the Bride's shi fu Pai Mei having already relieved Elle of one eye, the Bride then takes the other one out with the Tiger Crane, leaving Elle to grope around Bud's trailer, seeking redemption in the swift justice of the black mamba. And so the video game progressed, with the Bride moving irresistably on to meet Bill (David Carradine of Kung-Fu fame). Won't spoil the plot for you, but what happens is not your usual last-man-standing slugfest. It sure seemed that way as Uma strode into the hotel with a Hattori Hanzu sword (that's "sord", not "sWod") strapped to her back. What happens next is a time of unexpected closure, and an eventually bloodless conclusion.

Sounds good so far? Well some giggly girls sure spoiled the show, laughing at the most inappropriate moments (read: every scene). I mean, for goodness sake. If you can't appreciate QT at face value then go watch Starsky and Hutch to fill your cerebral vacuum or something . Sheesh. Tarantino's ode to the kungfu movies of the time of Gordon Liu, with unapologetically abrupt zoom-ins, turned out to be inexplicably ticklish to said giggly girls. QT would squirm if he knew his precious toil was being thrown like pearls to swine.