Bumper Stickers

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Don't drink and drive: you might spill your beer.
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON.
WARNING: in case of rapture, this car will be driverless.
We didn’t lose... we just ran out of time.
When you pee in a toilet, you wipe the seat; when you pee in the woods, you wipe your feet!
I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down.
"When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't no how to spell Ernonimus" - Unknown
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose.
If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie!
Suburbia - where they cut down trees and name streets after them
Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her ass.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS