Ask Dogbert

Dogbert answers tough questions with tough love.

Dogbert,

I'm becoming a little concerned about how my wife and I are raising our 3-year old. Whenever one of us makes a suggestion to him regarding an activity, he refuses to do it and within a few minutes presents the suggestion as one of his own ideas. I think we may be raising him to be a manager. What are we doing wrong?

John


Dear Toilet,

I wouldn’t worry. From what you described, the kid actually performs activities, albeit after claiming them to be his idea. An actual manager would convince other people to do those activities for him. Your son is merely a liar, and that bodes well for a career in marketing.

Sincerely,

Dogbert

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Dear Dogbert

I plan to move into Mr. Adams’ house in the next few months and call it my own. My reasoning is based on Mr. Adams’ argument from Dilbert Newsletter #58 that there can be no "Holy Places" because we move through space and so no place on earth, i.e. his house, has a fixed universal point that can be recorded and owned. Can you advise Mr. Adams of this and remind him that any argument he uses to preserve his ownership can also be used to invalidate his theory about "Holy Places."

Your fan,

David


Dear Duhvid,

Allow me to respond to your coherent argument in a way that only you can understand: If a grapefruit is happier than a bulldozer, then that means your toaster can turn jam into sound.

Sincerely,

Dogbert

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Dear Dogbert,

I have concluded that the only way I will advance further in my job is to sleep with the boss. The problem I have encountered is that we are both men and neither of us are homosexual. What should I do?

Ben


Dear Mr. Dover,

Try closing your eyes and listening to your iPod.

Sincerely,

Dogbert

Taken from Dilbert.com