Adding injury to insult

Noel Coward (to a not-so-pretty actress): You almost look like a man.
Edna: So do you.

Zsa Zsa Gabor: I'm a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

Groucho Marx: I had a wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Woman 1: I married a lawyer, and an honest man.
Woman 2: Isn't that bigamy?

Dinner partner: Mr Churchill, you're drunk.
Winston Chirchill: You, Madam, are ugly. But I'll be sober in the morning.

Winston Churchill: He has all the virtues I despise and none of the vices I admire.

"He's the only man I know who has rubber pockets so he can steal soup."

"He's a fine friend: he stabs you from the front."

"Here lies my wife,
Here let her lie;
Now she's at rest,
And so am I."